How did you know?

NYC1216

I know everyone adopts for different reasons.  We are going through infertility and am about to start my second IVF.

For those of you who have infertility, what made you cross that line to look into adoption?

 Was it $, or just that you were burnt out? 

lrrb

For us we truly just wanted to be parents.  After one failed IVF attempt after many cycles of clomid, clomid IUI's etc etc etc we just said ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.  We are also very strong Christians and we knew what the bible said about adoption so it was a very easy choice for us.  Its funny how God works bc we got matched with K in September and I was pregnant (still taking Clomid) in October.  So here we are with two of the sweeties blessings anyone could ask for. 

I think everyone has different levels of grief before they can move on past IF and move onto adoption but for us there wasn't any thinking it was just natural.  And when I say that adopting is truly one of the most amazing experinces I've ever been thru, I mean it.  I've done both, given birth and adopted and there something that adopting doesn't even TOUCH compaired to giving birth.  Its the truth....I swear it is.  K is one special girl.  We are truly blessed!!!

Good luck to you, whatever you decide to do sweetie you can PM me any question at anytime!

Amy720

We always thought we would adopt if things didn't work out because I knew going into marriage that I might have trouble conceiving.  We tried 3 IUI's and decided that was enough medical intervention.  We then tried to adopt and ended up with a failed adoption which broke our hearts.  After that failed attempt, I tried IVF and had 2 miscarriages and then I was through being tired and sick all the time + hormonal..;o)   We updated our home study and 2 weeks later we got the call about Ben.

We donated our 7 frozen embryos to be used in donor embryo adoption.  We don't plan on having any more children through medical intervention or adoption.  We spent over $70,000 through medical treatments and the adoption and we didn't have to do any loans.  We are in a good place right now with just our mortgage as a debt and love being able to spoil Ben rotten.

Good Luck!

Temp206787500007404

We just wanted to be parents.  When IF began taking an emotional toll on our marriage and I wanted off the rollercoaster, we began exploring other options.  We've always been open to adoption (my stepmother adopted me and in my family we've always said "blood is thicker than water, but love is thicker than blood") so that was the first thing we began looking into.

We were super excited about adoption and the thought of another cycle of treatments literally would make me nauseous, so I knew it was time to end treatments.

GLynn2009

DH is unable to have kids.

ksmeg78

We chose not to do any treatments. I am not opposed to them philisophically or morally, and we may decide it is right in the future. But I have always known I wanted a large family and I cannot imagine going through IF treatments (or now that I know how difficult it is, just TTC for long periods of time) more than once, so I knew adoption was going to be a part of our plan.

Plus, because we wanted to adopt a sibling group, I also preferred to do that first so if we did IVF or adopted an infant in the future, we would stick with birth order. Not that you can't adopt out of birth order, but we wanted to stay with it.

But it was more about emotional difficulty than cost for me. I was tired of spending every second thinking what every twinge in my body might be and also I just really was ready to be a parent right now, not maybe later.

I also am not sure if I would want to TTC or adopt again because it is very emotionally difficult plus a definite financial commitment. I wanted whatever we did first to be something I could at least live with if we have no additional children. I cannot imagine being okay with one child. I know a lot of people are and have a great life, but my husband and I have always wanted a minimum of 3 and think 4 may be the number, so that helped us make the decision.

Dr.Loretta

For me, I had 3 m/c's, and 2 of those were without medical intervention. The drs I talked to were nice and all, but couldn't figure out what the problem was and gave me limited options. I realized at that point that I just wanted to be a mom, and I didn't have to have a child come out of me for that to happen. And on a "clinical" level, my chances of being a mom through adoption were a lot higher than by carrying a baby to term.

 

miss1180

I was diagnosed with Turner's syndrome when i was about 6 years old. Part of that whole thing is that my ovaries aren't developed so my body doesn't make eggs.

  My mom handled it amazingly!! even as young as i was, she didn't hide it from me- if i talked about having babies, etc instead of just saying " you'll never be able to have your own baby" she would say " Well, you can still be a mom. you'll just have to do it a little bit differently than other people" and she would talk about the idea of adoption and giving a child a stable family that they might not have otherwise. So, even from a really young age, it was kind of "set" that I would adopt when the time came.

  Luckily when I met DH- I told him the whole situation very soon after we started dating, and hes been on board with the whole adoption thing,too. I could technically carry a pregnancy.... it would just have to be with donor eggs and probably all of the meds and stuff that goes along with that. To us, its like, why put myself through all of that when there are so many children who need families? If DH had a really strong desire to have a biological child, then i would consider it... but hes completely fine with adoption.

  so, here we are- about to send in our application to adopt a child with minor special needs from China :-)

Go_Dawgs

We chose to adopt very quickly after realizing that I have some fertility issues.  We decided around August that we wanted to start TTC very soon, and we wanted to start planning for this.  I started charting, even though we weren't TTC yet, and learned that I don't ovulate.  This didn't come as a big shock since I knew I have PCOS.  Then I looked into my insurance policy and learned that I had NO maternity coverage at all.  I started applying for policies that would cover labor and delivery, and was denied coverage by every company in my state offering individual policies with maternity coverage.  This was a big blow, and I had one good evening of crying and felt a bit depressed for a couple of days.

Then I thought, "why not adopt?"  I've never been terribly interested in being pregnant and always knew that if I couldn't get pregnant, I would absolutely adopt.  I also have read about a lot of women's experience with infertility treatments, and knew that I'm not willing to do more than just take oral meds.  I don't want to go through the emotional ups and downs that go along with IUI and IVF, not to mention the expense.  It just seems so emotionally draining.

We started doing tons of research on adoption and went to an all day training with an agency we picked.  I then ended up changing jobs, and now I have group insurance with maternity coverage.  At first we said that because of my new insurance, we would TTC while still pursuing adoption, and see what happens first.  However, by this time I was so committed to the idea of adoption, that I felt disappointed with the idea of not adopting.  I also still really don't care to be pregnant.  I know I would at least need to try a drug to get me to ovulate, and I'm just really not all that interested when there is this fantastic other option.  So we're not really even TTC - just not trying to prevent, but the liklihood of me getting pregnant without meds is extremely low.

I think my story is a lot different than most of the girls on here.  Many have gone through quite a few fertility treatments, and talk about having to go through a mourning process first before moving on to adoption.  I never really went through this, and I'm not sure why.  Maybe because I've just never felt the strong urge to carry a child, even though I very much want a child.  It may also be partly because I do a lot of work with abused and neglected children, and have worked with many families who have adopted.  I see that the parents love these children every bit as much as biological children, and they are every bit as much of a family as parents and children who share the same DNA.

Good luck with your next IVF.  If you decide to expore adoption, this is a fantastic board to ask questions.

 

 

MyColonyNJ

similar to PPs, I just knew that we wanted children in our house.  Fost/adopt was something that I was familar with from my childhood.  I never even thought about not having bio children.  But, life threw me quite a few curveballs.

The final decision for us was the fact that after 5 losses, doctors thought that I would probably not be able to keep a child to term, which I obviously proved them wrong.

but, for us - it was just like a light went off one day.  And when it did, we were on board 1 million percent

KasiaB29

While TTC, we agreed that we would have two biological children and then adopt the thrid one (but we didn't talk about any details). Then after almost 2 years of TTC, but before undergoing any fertility treatments, I found a local event listing for an orientation meeting organized by what ended up being our adoption agency. I asked DH if he would go with me to the meeting, just so that we could learn what the adoption process was like. We left the meeting knowing that we wanted to pursue adoption, and that it was the right time for us. I think at that point we simply felt that adoption, no matter how long it took, would eventually make us parents. We weren't as hopefull about fertility treatments. Even though we only did two IUI cycles before being matched with DD, I think the constant waiting associated with TTC and infertility really got to us. Once we were matched with DD, it was such a relief to not have to observe/record every single thing my body does every month. Good luck with your upcoming IVF!  

 

gstf344

I have infertility issues and the Dr's are not sure if I will be able to get pregnant let alone carry due to a uterine abnormality.  We aren't sure at this time if we will ever try again for any bio children.  We tried for a year with no medical intervention but with knowing what I know I am not sure TTC is the choice for us. 

We have always wanted to adopt so it was a very natural choice for us.  We have been in the process since October and should have our homestudy visits completed in the next couple months.  I don't regret not doing any fertility treatments and am so excited about the adoption process. 

Good luck on your journey!

LaVitaBella

We tried 3 IUIs and we were just emotionally spent.  We were told that IUIs would probably not be successful and that although I might get pregnant with IVF, I have a very, very high risk of having an ectopic pregnancy, and would have to be cut open if that happened. 

We decided that if one day, I get pregnant on my own.....fine......but our best chance to have a child in the near future is adoption.  My OB/GYN is a very blunt man and I said if I wanted to have a child in the next five years, what was my best plan.  He said adopt. 

So....that's it.  It was always an option for us because DH's sister was adopted.  It was likely that I wouldn't be able to conceive before we were married, so we spoke about adoption as a plan for us a long time ago. 

Deanne Shehane

I'm glad to know there is someone else out there feeling the same way. We got married two years ago and are both now 40. Did two IUIs last year with no luck and did IVF in February. We got a positive but were told two weeks later that it was a chemical pregnancy. I have been totally devastated. We have no frozen embryos to try again so we would have to start from scratch. We are debating between adoption and another round of IVF. I haven't researched adoption but I know some of the costs are more than IVF but you have a better chance of having a child through adoption. I don't know what to do either or when I will know I want to adopt????