Pregnant and feeling no connection to baby

jakobsmom08

It took a lot for me to actually post this but I think it's a smart decision.  I think I need to just get it all off my chest so if you actually read this, thanks for listening.  Don't get me wrong I LOVE being a mom and I really don't feel what I would consider depressed.  I felt this way with DS but it was only while I was pregnant.  As soon as he was born, we had connection right away and I was as happy as a sleep deprived breastfeeding mommy could be.  I felt no resentment or ill will towards my child or my husband.  I slid right into being a mom and i think I was pretty darn successful at it (please don't think I'm saying I'm supermom, I screw up as much as the next mom).

While I was pregnant with DS and this time around though I just don't really feel any connection to the baby growing inside of me.  This pg was planned and I am really excited to have another baby.  I'm just not that flowers and sunshine kinda girl.  Pregnancy has not been good to me.  I fell retched from begining to end.  Whenever someone asks a pregnant lady how they're feeling I think they always expect this peachy answer.  I'm not going to lie and I'm a very blunt person - I feel like crap! would you like to hear about the fact that I can't stop puking, I haven't pooped in 3 days or that I have a constant sinus headache from the stupid weather changing!  Everyone just gets really quiet - kinda the deer caught in headlights situation. 

I just feel bad and after really thinking about it I am noticing that I'm not taking care of myself the way I should be.  I'm really not eating right, I'll forget to take my pnv all the time (I take them once I remember) and I slipped up in the last couple days and smoked a couple cigs (only 3 but still - please don't flame me I know it was wrong).

Do any of you ladies have any ideas of things I could do to maybe connect with my baby a little more?  I think a swift kick in the a$$ might get my butt up off the couch and moving in the right direction of getting and staying healthier.

Thanks ladies!!!!!!

Smudges*Mom

I don't know, maybe its me, but I never really felt the connection with my LO while pregnant that I thought that I should.  I think that society/media/peer pressure gives us these ideas of what we should think and feel.

I worked very hard to get pregnant with my son (he's an IVF baby, so not only did we work hard, but we spent a pretty penny, too!).  I didn't feel good while pregnant either--not as retched as you feel, but never good.  I felt like I didn't feel the connection with my unborn baby that I thought my friends had with theirs or that I thought/felt like I should have.  It made me feel like a bad mom--and my baby wasn't even born yet.

Also, you are rather early on in your pregnancy, you aren't likely feeling the baby move much, if at all.  Feeling movement often helps increase the bond.

And--you are a busy lady!  Taking care of a toddler in addition to being pregnant with number 2 is hard work! 

As for things you can do. . . I have not been in your exact situation (pregnant with number 2), but these are a few ideas.  First, be nice to yourself!  Don't beat yourself up for what you think you should be feeling.  Let the connection develop over time.  Perhaps planning for the new baby would help.  Look at bedding and new toys or gadgets you can get for the LO you are carrying.  Read books about being a big brother to your toddler.

As for caring for yourself.  Throw away any cigarettes that you have laying around.  You know that you should not be smoking, why tempt yourself! (Though, from watching my mom quit, I know that nicotine addicition is very real.  If you smoke even one more cigarette, please call your OB/GYN and ask for help and guidance!)  I know that I did not eat as well as I would have liked, but I made sure to drink lots of whole milk.  The protein and calcium are really good for you and it counts towards your necessary fluid intake.  Can you talk with your DH about menu planning?  Maybe working together, you can ensure that all of you are eating well--and bonding as a family.  And, perhaps you can get your DH a vitamin supplement to take--and you can remind each other to take them everyday!  I know that I would forget, but especially early on, but the folic acid is very important.  I wonder if putting the bottle by your son's sippy cups would remind you--you could even take the PNV with a swig of his milk or juice!

I am struggling with allergies for the first time in years--and it is no fun.  I can't imagine feeling like I do--chasing a toddler and being pregnant.  Dear heavens.  Have you talked with your OB/GYN about ways to manage the symptoms? 

Okay, I'll stop writing. . . I hope that I have not bored you to tears and made you regret posting!    Be kind to yourself!  I hope that you are feeling better soon and that the connection that you want develops! Take care!

jakobsmom08

Smudges*Mom - No you definately did not bore me to tears and I really appreciate your response.  Thank you for the suggestions, I just told my husband that starting today, when he does his insulin at dinner time that he is in charge of my pnv.  I'll grow the baby, you're in charge of meds!!!  The nausea is slowly starting to fade (well at least the puking part is) so I think I'll be able to start eating better soon.  Right now I'm down a lb and a half so I have some catching up to do weight wise.  Thanks so much for your encouragement, it was well needed.  Hugs and warm wishes to you!!!!

You know, I think we all tend to forget about ourselves a little too much when we become mommies.  I think calling off work, a new haircut and some new prego clothes might be needed sometime this week.  I think mommy could use a mental health day! lol

 

Thanks!!!!!!

Smudges*Mom

jakobsmom08:

You know, I think we all tend to forget about ourselves a little too much when we become mommies.  I think calling off work, a new haircut and some new prego clothes might be needed sometime this week.  I think mommy could use a mental health day! lol

We do often put ourselves last when taking care of everyone else!  Just like on the airplane, you have to take care of, at least, the basics for yourself!  Especially as a working mom, though, it is hard.

Good idea to get your DH on board!  Sounds like a great plan and a way to get him involved.

I hope that you continue to feel less sick and more human every day!  And enjoy your mental health day (just don't wear the new clothes to work the next day or somebody may get suspicious!)!