Is this normal behavior/feelings?

LeoChic

OK -- so I've spent the last day reflecting on my life and myself.  DH booked me a hotel for the weekend so I've had a lot of quiet time to think.

One of the things that I struggle with as a person is that I am so up and down with each day.  For example, I'll have a day where I wake up and I feel ready to go and I spend the entire day cleaning, running errands, taking care of the kids to the point that I'll look back at the day and realize that I barely sat down.  Then there's the next day when all I want to do is sit on the couch, surf the web, and do minimal chores/activities with the kids.  I have more days that are like the latter.  I've tried to force myself to be more"balanced" but I lack the discipline to come up with a schedule and keep it up and then I get more down about myself and feel even more like doing nothing.

I have always been on something for depression/anxiety unless I was pregnant.  I went off my last antidepressant about 3 months before I got pregnant.  I really don't want to get put on something again because I never feel like the meds help.  It seems like they are good for taking the edge off and that's about it.  Plus, I don't like the side effects I get from regular SSRI's.  I often wonder if I'm really on the right meds.  I feel like the docs are quick to put me on some low dose anti-depressant without really evaluating what's wrong with me (if there is something wrong).

Sometimes I question whether I really suffer from depression/anxiety or if I suffer from the lack of meeting my own high expectations.  I feel like unless I'm on the go, all the time, that I'm useless and feel depressed.  And on the days that I'm full of energy, I get upset and down when I don't get everything done.  So I'm wondering if the way that I feel -- the up and down of each day -- is really quite normal behavior.

I'm spending this weekend regrouping and making a pact with myself to make positive changes....whatever that may be and want to figure out first what's "normal" and what's not so normal.

Expecting0207

I always feel like I'm a bit on a rollercoaster of emotions, but it got out of hand this past winter and honestly Prozac was my cure.  It helped keep me balanced.  But I have the same days you do - some days I'm totally on my game, more often though since I'm now a SAHM and was laid off, I feel that the lazy side of me wins.

 

And as for feeling down about not getting everything done - I have a mental list of what I want to get done every day, and every single day I fall short.  I dont' beat myself up over it though, I try to make a mental list of all the things I DID do - no matter how minor.  It could be fed girls breakfast, cleaned up, emptied dishwasher, ran vacuum, cooked dinner, bathed girls, put them to bed, took care of dog, washed one load of laundry.  Even the simple things get included in my list so I feel satisfied with what I accomplished, even if I fell short of what I set out to do.

summerbrideDC

((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))

I am definitely like that to some extent, but not to the level that you are describing.  

I'm wondering, if you're not sure you need medication, would it help you to talk to a therapist to help you get a grasp on what kind of changes might be best for you?  I've always found that a good therapist can ask the right question(s) to put things in a light that makes it just all make sense. 

I hope you're able to make the changes that will make you happy! 

KrisBriMcBunny

I swear I could have written this post.  I've always have dealt with chronic depression but wont do meds.  I was on Lexapro once...the only time I was on meds and HATED the way it made me feel.  Which is why I'm hesitant to try something else.

(((((HUGS)))))

JOEBunny

I have things I hate to do, just won't do, like preschool volunteer, I hate other peoples kids generally, though I love those of my friends. 

I don't think it is normal to feel down on yourself all the time.  I am a pretty "high achieving" person by nature, so I feel it is important to accomplish a lot toward my goals, but I am balanced about it.  We have been sick a ton this winter, I have had 5 rounds of antibiotics in 4 months and numerous colds, so I can prioritize and not feel bad that we don't get out for a hike or whatever.  I would probably seek out a mental health professional, not just a regular doctor if you continue to feel badly.  It is worth the money and effort to find out IRL.

LeoChic

summerbrideDC:

((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))

I am definitely like that to some extent, but not to the level that you are describing.  

I'm wondering, if you're not sure you need medication, would it help you to talk to a therapist to help you get a grasp on what kind of changes might be best for you?  I've always found that a good therapist can ask the right question(s) to put things in a light that makes it just all make sense. 

I hope you're able to make the changes that will make you happy! 

I had a therapist that I used to go to.  I actually went to her for like 5+ years.  About a year ago, she started specializing and only doing therapy for patients who are preparing to undergo bariatric surgery.  I know I've needed to find someone else...I just haven't done it.

Zenya

I have a tendency to be like that, too.  Like I can't regulate myself.  I don't think there is anything wrong with me.  It's just how I am.  When I worked I always had deadlines that I could get that adrenalin boost out of.  Now I don't work anymore so I have to find different ways to motivate myself.

I set daily/weekly goals.  Force myself to go to the gym.  Insist that I eat right.  Make myself go to bed early.  When I do all those I do well.  When I don't do them then it's just that lazy side of me coming out.  I take the good with the bad.