I need serious, flame free help.

TwoChickens

DS is 5 1/2.  He was late to "potty train".  A week after he turned 4, he said he needed to go potty, took off his diaper, and went.  No issues.  He even pooped in the potty a few times.

Now here's the problem.  He has since regressed.  He holds his poop for days at a time and will only poop if I give him a diaper.  It makes me have a hard decision: let him poop in a diaper or try to get him to use the toilet and have him instead hold it.

He's developed encopresis (sp) and can't hold it anymore so he has accidents all over the place.  Its embarrassing for me, embarrassing for him, and prevents him from being able to do certain things.

I'm completely at a loss.  I've tried rewarding him for using the toilet, I've tried punishing him for using diapers, I've tried absolutely everything I know to do.  The dr told me "He'll get it eventually" except now its coming to a point where I don't think he WILL get it.  He has accidents all the time too.

Does anyone have any thoughts/suggestions?  

GinandTonic

My DS is like this - except that he never pooped in the potty.  He just won't (well, he will sometimes now).  We actually saw a GI specialist and a behaviorist - the holding started when DD was born and just got worse/became a habit from there.  There's physical and mental stuff all tied together.

He's on miralax to soften his poop to make it harder for him to hold it in.

The behaviorist set us on this course.  First, intead of soiling his underwear, he had to ask for a pullup - with rewards.  Then, he had to go in a pullup in the bathroom.  Then, in a pullup ON the potty.  Then, eventually, on the potty.  All with rewards. And all sort of child-led.  No pressure.

He has enough control that as far as his preschool knows, he's potty-trained.

He's not perfect - he still "leaks" - and doesn't always go in the potty.  But, he's getting there.  My half-brother had this problem too - it takes awhile to "fix" (he's 12 and it's really only been in the past few years that he doesn't soil). 

Good luck.  You're not alone.  Once this started happening, I've had people come out of the woodwork talking about it.

pugowner210

My daughter just turned 3 but she's headed down the same path-potty interest for a brief time but then total resistance and has held poop in also so she's on miralax to prevent her from being able to, as per ped's advice. One thing I can say is try not to ever punish for them going in a diaper, I mean you gave him one right, or made them accessible anyways. I read an article that I decided with my ped to follow, where you tell them you're sorry you've pushed them to use the potty (to poop), it is his body, it's his poop and when he's ready you know he'll poop in the potty like a big kid but you promise you won't push anymore and then you completely drop the topic. He will hopefully decide he's getting no attention on the subject and come around on his terms. This way he's not getting the satisfaction of saying no and resisting because you're no longer asking and he will come tomiss the attention and will start to seek it the correct way instead of the wrong way. Keep in mind this advice was given to me based on my 3 yr old, you may want to run it by your ped office for a 5 yr old. GL!

belle204

I definitely wouldn't punish him for accidents or for only going in a diaper. That will only add to any embarrassment or negative associations. Have you talked to him to find out if there is a reason he's regressed? Sometimes kids will tell if you just ask. We had a huge regression when the damn toilet auto-flushed on A at Lowe's once. I really can't think of any methods that might work other than the reward route (which you've tried). I'm pretty sure I might be getting a second opinion from a doctor. I just can't help feel that the "they will outgrow it" with stuff like that is a copout. I had issues wetting the bed until I was like 9 or 10 and needed medication. Who knows how long it would have lasted if my dr just said "she'll outgrow it". GL!

TwoChickens

Thank you!

I'm definitely glad I'm not alone and I will probably be coming to you with questions and for guidance.

I thought about doing a course similar to what your behaviorist said to do but I was afraid it would be counterproductive.  Now that I know it works, I will be trying it starting this afternoon.

How long did you do each "stage"?  I'm willing to do whatever it takes.  The poor guy gets so so so upset when he has accidents.

TwoChickens

Belle,

The dr knows us VERY well.  She knows I'm stubborn and so is he.  She's unsure of where the problem lies with him because IG is fully potty trained!  I mean, I do have to ask her sometimes if she needs to go but she doesn't wear diapers at all anymore.

I asked him last night why he wouldn't use the potty.  He never answered me after asking him several times.  I'll get this figured out eventually.

GinandTonic

The behaviorist said to sort of let him lead with the stages - that every kid is different.  Getting him to ask for a pullup was easy.  In fact, after a few days, he was just going to get his own pullup and taking care of things.  We stayed there for maybe 2 weeks.  The previous steps have each been much harder.  In all, it's been about 6 months.  And like I said, he's not perfect yet.  All the constipation stretched him out down there and there's been loss of control.

One of the things he told me was that "I have to poop standing up.  That's what my tummy tells me."  And I can see that - he trained himself to have to be in a certain position and it's hard to break.  So, for that, we work on pushing while standing on a stool near the potty and then sitting so that it plops into the potty. 

I've advised a few people on here when I happen to see them post about this.  Krisbri was one of them.  In real life, a friend of a friend was having problems with her 3 year old when the new baby was born.  And another family went through a really bad death situation - again, the 3 year old started holding her poop.  Not alone.  At all (and if it helps any, the behaviorist said that she sees this all the time in "smart boys" - so that was my DH's consolation -that he doesn't poop on the potty, but he's smart.  The phrase anal rententive has to come from somewhere, right?).

TwoChickens

LOL!

Yeah, DS is incredibly intelligent.  Reads on at least a 4th grade level but I know its higher because he doesn't stumble on words anymore.  Its insane.

 I'm definitely going to give this a try.  I'm printing it out right now!

aprilmomtobe

DS was like this, though there was no actual regression involved. He was over 3 and would always pee in the toilet, and never had accidents but would go grab and diaper and ask me to put it on him to poop.  I tried coaxing him to the toilet, etc. and he would then just say, "oh, I don't have to go".  LIke you, I did NOT want him holding it, so I would give him the diaper . . . this went on for a few months, and I started thinking we'd never get over this, then literally one day, out of the blue, he said he had to poop and I said, "want to try on the big boy toilet" and he says "ok"  I couldn't believe it!  And there's been no looking back. 

I know that's not really advice, but you're not alone.  FWIW, he's just one of those kids that has to do things on his terms . . the more I pushed, the more he pushed back.

belle204

I'm sorry. Hope you get it figured out soon. And, I know you're stubborn so I know you will find an answer & solution. ;-) Remember though -- C & IG are different kids.

TwoChickens

Yeah...they're polar opposites.  lol

 And you're as stubborn as I am  ;-)

 That's why I like you! And btw - I REALLY hate AU right now.

GinandTonic

Based on what auntie said, I should say that DS probably does have some minor sensory issues - he doesn't like to be dirty (which is funny because he doesn't seem to mind poop in his pants) and is really picky about food.  He also has (well had, he's pretty caught up now) a speech delay.  But, he's not autistic -  the behaviorist didn't do a full-blown evaluation, but he doesn't show signs of it.  He's smart, but not super-advanced (he's 4 1/2 and not reading yet, for instance).

 I would think about a GI appointment - she ordered bloodwork to rule out some physical causes of the constipation - thyroid problems, celiac, crohns.  You just want to cover all your bases.

My stepmother said what finally pushed my half-brother into being totally "done" with this was middle school and PE and having to change in front of other boys.  Peer pressure works wonders.

Good luck!