pregnant after preemie moms - could use some hugs (long)

purplepuggles

as i get closer to "viability" and closer to jack's delivery gestation i am getting more and more scared and nervous. i cried a couple times yesterday because i am so scared...it's mostly the what-ifs.

what if i have to go on bedrest and can't be with my son while i am trying to keep my daughter inside?

what if i end up with another preemie and have to leave her in the hospital to take care of my son?

what if i end up on hospital bedrest? they aren't allowing anyone under age 18 into the maternity/pedi section of the hospital. i wouldn't see jack for ages! i already had to spend time away from him when he was first born - i am not sure i can handle doing it AGAIN.

none of this really hit home until the last few days. i have an OB appt tomorrow and i plan to talk to her about my fears and realistic chances of me actually ending up on bedrest etc...but it's just so scary. DH doesn't exactly get it, though he is more than supportive and hugged me and rubbed my back while i was crying for 45 minutes last night. ugh - why is this all hitting me now?? i have been so chill for most of this pregnancy and now i am getting crazy. i don't know what i am looking for here...maybe just to know i am not insane and that it CAN be okay? thanks for reading anyway.

borc0080

((hugs))

I hope that talking with your doctor about what could be will help.  At least you know that if the worst case scenario happens and you have another preemie, you can make it through because you've done it once before.  T&P for a strong finish to 2nd tri and a FULL 3rd tri!

SWMcFarland

purplepuggles:

as i get closer to "viability" and closer to jack's delivery gestation i am getting more and more scared and nervous. i cried a couple times yesterday because i am so scared...it's mostly the what-ifs.

what if i have to go on bedrest and can't be with my son while i am trying to keep my daughter inside? You will have all of us to keep you company, share stories, come up with fun projects, etc.

what if i end up with another preemie and have to leave her in the hospital to take care of my son? You survived one of the greatest tests in life there is, and passed with flying colors.  It is like you have your own special study guide built in in case you need it.  I have a good feeling about this pregnancy for you.  That said, parenthood is all about compromises.  We compromised from the get-go, kwim?  You will make it work regardless for BOTH of your babies because you have to, and it will be ok.  I promise!!!!

what if i end up on hospital bedrest? they aren't allowing anyone under age 18 into the maternity/pedi section of the hospital. i wouldn't see jack for ages! i already had to spend time away from him when he was first born - i am not sure i can handle doing it AGAIN.  Again, somehow it will all work out.  There are always some nurses that are willing to break the rules.  They can take you for a wheelchair ride and you can stop outside and Jack and your DH can be waiting.  Special arrangements CAN be made.  Hell, I got to see my DOG while I was in the hospital.  You can skype with him.  Every day, if need be.  I'll skype with you.  We can send you madlibs.  We can play games, etc.   Obviously it won't be the same, but it will be ok.

none of this really hit home until the last few days. i have an OB appt tomorrow and i plan to talk to her about my fears and realistic chances of me actually ending up on bedrest etc...but it's just so scary. DH doesn't exactly get it, though he is more than supportive and hugged me and rubbed my back while i was crying for 45 minutes last night. ugh - why is this all hitting me now?? i have been so chill for most of this pregnancy and now i am getting crazy. i don't know what i am looking for here...maybe just to know i am not insane and that it CAN be okay? thanks for reading anyway.

I responded to each thing.  :-)

You are 100% normal, btw.  I am proud of how calm you've been throughout this whole pregnancy, but what you are experiencing is 100% normal.  I would have the same thoughts and fears. 

(((((((((((((Hugs, mama.  Hang in there ))))))))))))

beachykeen1723

EVERYTHING SWM SAID!!!

Also- you are perfectly entitled to freak out every once in awhile- every day if you want! You went through something super traumatic, and your fears are absolutley reasonable. Heck- I've flipped out over our future pregnancies/babies and I'm no where near ready to ttc.

If someone had asked you, before you had Jack, if you could handle having a NICU baby, I bet you would have said the same thing- no way. But you did, and you can do anything- including having a ft, uneventful pregnancy!!

(((HUGS!!!))) Everything will be okay, no matter what!

mhop

I had a very similar freak out at the viability point...it was kind of like the point of no return.  It makes the pregnancy all the more real for it to be viable.  I have the exact same fears and totally understand where you are coming from.

((hugs))

ShanaNChris

(((HUGS))) 

I think about this everyday and have to block it out of my head to prevent some sort of "breakdown". Me and my DH even have put a plan together "just in case" for hospital bedrest and what will happen with Lily bc my DH works 3rd shift...luckily he is will to take tons of time off of work to take care of us. I just tell myself that I will be taken care of, everything happens for a reason, etc. I guess I don't really have any great advice. And wish that this was something you didn't have to worry about

dmblack

Hang in there.  I felt anxious with my 2nd pg as I approached the gestation date of my 1st child.  I can tell you once you reach that date it does get easier.  Keep in mind every PG is different and you cannot play the what if game.  You will drive yourself crazy.  Relax and enjoy the PG. 

lemen99

((HUGS)))) prayers!

clyoungsey

just sending an e-hug...sounds like you need it