Eye opening conversation with DD

4Speedy

Over the weekend, we finally sat down, discussed the rules of the house (we came up with 7) and made a poster listing them to put up in the kitchen.  (Aside--3 days in, it is amazing how well it works when everyone knows what is expected and it is actually in writing so I can point to the wall and say "see, it says so right there."  TOTAL transformation and makes life easy-peasy).

So anyway, we gave DD the opportunity to write one rule for mom and dad and include it on the poster.  We let her think on it for a while and when she was ready, she told us her rule is, "Mom and Dad have to stop what they are doing and listen to me when I want their attention."  In those EXACT words.  I was so surprised because I really pride myself on getting down on her level, looking right at her, paraphrasing and acknowledging what she says."  I would say I am VERY attentive to her 85-90% of the time.  But it is the other 10-15% of the time that stands out in her mind.  So we kept talking and she told me she also hates when I say, "I see..."  I asked her why and she said, "Because you don't see.  You don't even look at me..."

She nailed it.  "I see..." is the phrase that I rattle off when I am occupied with something else and I am absently-minded trying to appease her.  It's my version of "umm hmmm..."  It's the tip off that we are in that other 10-15% of the time and I am not paying attention.

She figured it out at 3 years old and after 6 years of marriage, DH still hasn't figured out that "I see," means I have no clue what he just told me so I can't come up with an appropriate comment.

So I am working very hard on listening to DD and if I am not able to, I tell her I can't pay attention now but I will be able to when I am done with XYZ.  No more faking it in our house because DD will call us on it.

KrisBriMcBunny

Michelle caught on rather quickly that "I see" or "okay" means I'm not exactly paying attention and she will get very upset.  I do try but sometimes she's talking to me when I'm in the middle of something and I wish she would have a little patience to wait her turn.

dpdw

Wow, you have a very perceptive 3 year old!  Good luck with her in her teens ;-)