Arguing adoption to punish bad parenting

Sally J

This post got me thinking about how many times I have seen the argument 'If you don't care about your child then I'm sure there are thousands of families willing to adopt.'  (I'm not commenting on the subject of this post, but rather one of the late responses to that post.)

What do you think about this argument?  Does it bother you?

For some reason it irritates me a bit.  Maybe it's because I know the struggle that so many go through to adopt, and not one family I know would ever think of taking someone else's child because of the parenting choices (unless obviously the child was in danger).  I just feel like adoption is thrown around so lightly and it annoys me.

ksmeg78

I'm not a fan. If someone is considering making an adoption plan or even if they are really struggling and may not know of the option, then maybe if it's done in the right way. But I don't like it in this context and I don't like it in the pp's example either.

In the xample about saying harsh things about hte baby, that's a horrible thing to say about a baby. But I don't like feeling manipulated and when someone says something like, "You can always get a divorce" when I am complaining because my DH didn't do whatever, is not helpful and makes me feel like they are trying to make me feel grateful I have a husband or something. If I were in an abusive relationship and needed help, that's a little different. To me it's similar. If I seriously need the info, then good. otherwise, not really appropriate.

In the original post, I have a problem when people act like adoption is no big deal. "If you don't have a baby, JUST adopt" "If you don't like your baby, just give him up for adoption. Lots of people would like him". Those are offensive because it acts like its no big deal.

Temp206787500007404

I think it's easy to judge and I think some people get so wrapped up in "their" mode of parenting, that they forget each baby is as different as each parent.  I don't think the OP ever said anything about abusing or neglecting her baby, and the response was uncalled for, in any circumstance.

come*on*baby

The poster that commented about adopting is big on Attachment Parenting, and I've known her for years. I think saying babies can manipulate is a bit extreme and I guess I just read it as Mar (m_and_m) did, because it seems that being a parent must inconveincing her. Babies need to be held, and have their need met immediately. If not, thats how a child can develop RAD.

foundmylazybum

Did someone delete the original post? Something doesn't look right..it says "Long" in the title but when I look at the post--it is very short and the context makes no sense. 

come*on*baby

fred - i think the part that got me was when she said "it seems that babies only cry for what they believe they are entitled to". SO when a baby is crying because they're hungry its because they're entitled to it? That's a basic need, rocking and soothing is a basic need. So while what m_and_m may have been uncalled for - I still see her point because this OP apparently things that mentioned things are things to be entitled to, not needs.

come*on*baby

i advise *NOT* reading her blog. it will drive you crazy. she writes like she's about 16. i kid you not.

pepomntpat

I have missed the post this is referencing, but this is not an appropriate thing to say.  I think it speaks highly of our society looking for the "easy way out" of everything (even though adoption is in no way easy).  It's sad really.

foundmylazybum

I think that M_M and the OP both represent extremes. M_M's comment..while inappropriate..is thoughtless...but the responses are so typical of the responses on the bump..:::Good Gawd!::: Sarcasm!

I highly, highly doubt she was actually "arguing" adoption to punish bad parenting. Did she make a thoughtless remark? Yes. Have I made thoughtless remarks? Yes...do I live in a glass house with my stones gathered around me? Oh yes. Yes I do.