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Multiples
Reluctantly introducing myself
Hi Ladies,
Just wanted to introduce myself. I say reluctantly because I can't seem to make peace with the fact that there were two little babies on that ultrasound screen last week. I've been a sleepless, teary mess ever since. My fears include the higher risk that's involved, finances, logistics, DS, how big I'm going to get, my post twin belly, etc., etc. Please, please tell me these fears will subside. I woke up at 1:30 last night and never fell back asleep. It's been like that for a week now : (
I go back for my official u/s and to meet the ob ( midwives had to let me go) next Monday, so hopefully she'll be able to help with the sleep issues.
am I a horrible person for being so ungrateful? Was anyone else this upset/disappointed upon hearing the news?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Reluctantly introducing myself
welcome and congrats! Don't worry- it's totally normal to be freaked out early on. I know I was - i literally could not let myself think about the financial aspects of twins at all early on b/c i would have so much anxiety. I can tell you now that it has worked out - we cut back on a lot of things and have made it work- i never thought it was possible.
as for your DS - again, that was something i worried about, too - but know that giving him siblings is the BEST gift you can ever give him! I don't know if you have siblings- I have 3 and DH has 5 and we couldn't imagine our son not having a few to grow up with - now he has 2 brothers and he LOVES them so much- and they adore him- it is so wonderful watching them together.
I cried so hard the night before I had the babies when i was rocking Griffin and saying prayers with him- knowing it was the last time i would do that with him as the only child... now looking back it's so silly- b/c he just loves his life now with them --- but i think every mom feels that way when they are about to have a 2nd child, let alone 2nd and 3rd.
knowledge is power- it helped me get over the fears --- Dr. Luke's book on being pg with twins, triplets and quads = the best. It gave me the info no other book had - to help me have a healthy twin pg. I followed it pretty much all the way (not her diet, but her guidelines on weight gain and eating tons of protein and dairy) and had my boys at 38w1d with no signs of labor- healthy as can be.
Give yourself some time- hang out here - vent, share, etc... you'll feel better soon!!
DH and I were shocked and nervous. The shock took awhile to wear off. We had all the same concerns.
My best advice is to take it day by day.
Welcome to the board!
When we found out it was twins, I burst into tears. I cried off and on for a couple months. I still have unexcited days. This is not how I pictured my life.
What you're feeling is totally normal. I think you'd be hard-pressed to find a MoM around here that was instantly ecstatic.
I completely relate to how you are feeling. I was totally devastated to find out I was having twins. I have an older son too and was kind of on the fence about even having a second at all when I decided to go for a second and ended up with twins. I was really upset for DS- I had this horrible feeling that I'd ruined his life, that he didn't know I was having these two kids who would take attention away from him, that I wouldn't love the twins like I love my son, etc.
It took me almost my whole first trimester to get over that and now I can honestly say that I cannot imagine not having my twins. I even told my husband the other night that if by some horrible chance something happened to one or both of them that I would always feel like I wanted to have twins again. I'm not sure how or why things changed, but they definitely did.
I did do a few things to help me feel better about the twins. I saw a high-risk ob - I was very nervous about having preemies or the twins being unhealthy and DS having to deal with that so I really feel like I'm doing all I can at this point to keep them in there as long as possible. I read Dr. Luke's book and joined a local twins mom board and I've spent time here. Seeing other folks' twins and hearing how much parents love their twins really got me excited for mine. I also spent time with my good friend who has twins and I brought DS with me. He is absolutely fascinated by them and it's been so fun to see him interact with them. We even took a picture of me, DS and my friends' twins and I got teary thinking that someday this will be me and my own kids. I also think the ultrasounds get you excited- as you see the babies grow, you grow to love them and you feel like you get to know them.
Totally, totally normal! When DH and I saw the first ultrasound he burst out in to what I call his hysterical/panic laugh. I just sat there with my mouth open. After the appointment we went to lunch and literally stared at each other across the table for a full hour, barely speaking.
It is shocking news so don't feel badly about that. You have a lot of things to figure out but the good news is, you don't have to figure it all out at once. Just take things one day and one decision at a time. You will be fine!
Congratulations!
My twins are 5! My baby is 3!
DS#2 - Allergic to Cashew, Pistachio, Kiwi
DS#3 - Allergic to Milk, Egg, Peanut, Tree Nuts and Sesame
Frankly, it'd be weird if you didn't feel like that.
{{hugs}} and welcome!
How to tell my boys apart
The different types of twins and triplets
Jack, Sydney and Carynne, Annaleigh, JW, Eden...forever in our hearts.
My blog * We made the national news!
Freaking out = normal reaction.
You'll do that many times between now and delivery! We were thrilled b/c we had such a difficult time getting pg, but we knew it wouldn't be an easy road. Yes, you are higher risk, but plenty of moms do just fine and go full term with their twins (I did--38w2d!).
I think you just need to get over the initial shock, then you'll be able to focus on the two little miracles you've got in there. I won't lie and say having 2 isn't tough (and you'll have an older one too). We continue to struggle with various issues (sleep being our main problem), but these boys are so totally worth it.
Just give it some time. You'll find a way to work everything out (the $$, the logistics, everything). You just need some time to wrap your head around the news. Then just start planning! We started buying baby gear early when it was on sale and saved a ton. We got our travel system (stroller & car seats) on clearance because our design was being discontinued. We got 2 cribs for $300 because they were last year's models and they needed to get rid of them.
Trust me, you'll figure things out. Good luck!
First of all, congratulations!!!
Next, your reaction, like pp's said, is totally normal.
I was/am in your shoes too. I have 2 y/o and now have almost 8 week old twins. We were trying for just 1 more baby and saw 2 on that first u/s. I just started laughing, b/c what else could I do? Ya know?
One thing to make you feel better--from my experience it hasn't been as hard as I anticipated. Yes...it's a lot of work...but you've got a knowledge base already from having another child. So, all that stuff that freaked you out as a 1st time mom, you've got down. Yeah, you still deal w/ sleeping issues and eating issues (and all the other issues), but you've BTDT once already, so it's just a matter of tackling the task at hand. And not a matter of learning how to do so, does that make sense? So, hopefully that relaxes you a bit.
As for finances. You've probably got some stuff leftover from your older DC, so you can reuse a lot of that. Anything you need two of--don't be afraid to accept help from friends. We were one of the first in our group to have a child at all, so a lot of my friends had babies that were just starting to outgrow bouncy seats, infant carriers, strollers, etc. They've graciously told us we could borrow these so we didn't have to buy a second set of that stuff. Lifesaver! I mean, you probably leant stuff to relatives and friends, now let it be your turn!
Pregnancy is a bit of a different ballgame this time around. But I'm w/ Goldie--knowledge is power. Get Dr. Luke's book, talk to your OB, get a referral for an MFM and learn whatever you can. I carried my twins just shy of full term--36w 4d. They were born perfectly healthy and spent no time in the NICU. So, it's totally possible!!
Once the initial shock wears off, just try to stay positive. That's the way I looked at it. You'll have 2 babies to know and love soon. At this point, you have 2 choices--laugh, or cry. Laughing is much more fun
.
Yes, if you didn't feel the way you do you wouldn't be normal. It'll grow on you and with every little milestone you'll get a little more excited.
It'll be okay.
I had/have every single one of your fears. But, I am at the point now that if something happened to one of our twins I would be heartbroken. I still freak out from time to time, but I'm more excited now than I was at the beginning.
I told my husband that I felt like I had to mourn my normal low-risk singleton pregnancy. I had to let go of all of my plans for this pregnancy and delivery and just think of these twins. I think what you are feeling is 100% normal!
The ladies on this board are great!
Congrats!
My triplets were spontaneous, and my DD was just 12 months when we conceived. I dropped the F bomb in my OB's office when they told me, and I cried all night; then on and off for the next week. I was in shock for about a month, and horribly depressed for the next 2 years. When my kiddos were born I didn't even want to go visit them in the NICU. It was horrible, but I got help, and things are so different now, and my kids are awesome, and while my life is hectic and monotonus (sp?), it's so good,
Your feelings are totally normal, and completely understandable.It DOES get better. For some of us, it's right away... for others, not so much. I've had a really hard road, and I still have really hard days. It's so cliche, but I can never see my life without any of my kids now. I love them all.
Congratulations!!! Good luck!!!
as the other moms here have said, it's totally normal. i think i referred to finding out about the twins as a "diagnosis" w/o even thinking about it. my sister was the one who pointed out to me that having twins is not a disease and therefore I was not diagnosed w/ twins...she only has one kid so what does she know.
it took me almost until about half way through the pg to fully embrace the concept of two babies. we found out that one of them has a heart murmur, nothing major but a heart abnormality nonetheless, and that's when something flipped in me like a switch. i wasn't thinking holy *** we're having two babies, i just wanted both of my kids to be healthy and ok.
good luck, becoming pg with multiples is a total game changer. and i think it's normal to have some anxiety about it all.