Have I offended my friend?

02039752

Hi ladies,

I am nearly at the happy 12 week mark and last week decided to tell one of my closest girlfriends our happy news! I didn't want her to hear on the grapevine and was hoping that she would appreciate being one of the first to know.

 Well, since then, I have hardly heard from her except when i have initiated contact, and it is like i never even told her i am expecting. I don't expect, or want, my pregnancy to always be the topic of conversation, but the dodging of a pretty obvious elephant in the room feels deliberate to me.

I have a feeling my friend is trying to conceive and kept this in mind when i was telling her, but she hasn't been trying for long if she has. do you think i have insulted her? i'm not sure what to do! has this happened to anyone else?

mr&mrswelch

Why don't you ask her and find out from the horse's mouth?

daisycook

There is nothing you can really do in such situations.  If she is insulted, those emotions are hers that she needs to deal with, not yours.  I'm sure she is happy for you, she just may not want to talk about pregnancy stuff when she is not pregnant yet.  I would just let some time go by and like you said be sure not to not let your pregnancy become the only topic you guys discuss when you do talk.

02039752

I think this could be the case, if so I feel terrible. You just never know what is going on in others' personal lives, even close friends! Sadly we don't have the kind of friendship where we talk openly about this sort of thing.

Mrs.in.Love

When I told my friend of 15 years about my 1st pg the same thing happened. I know she wasn't trying as she wasn't married at the time. Unfortunately it never got better. Like you, we didn't have the type of relationship where we discussed this type of stuff so we did it via email. She felt left out because I was at a new place in my life. While I tried to include her and not make her feel this way, she wouldn't let it go and unfortunately we've grown very far apart now. She NEVER asks how my son is or came to visit during my maternity leave. Hopefully you two can work it out and it's just like you think, she's ttc and once she does she'll come around. I know it's hard when you want people to be excited and they're not.

jastl32

How often do you talk to her?

I only ask this because I had a former "close" friend - I was in her wedding - who only calls or emails me when she has something "good" in her life...but never checks in to see how things in my life are going. Maybe she feels this way?

Or - if not...is there something else going on in her life? Are there family or work stresses? If she's dealing with something else, she may just not have time or feel like talking.

And on another note...she could be dealing with IF or have recently had a m/c...in that case, it is VERY hard at times to hear other have what you want very badly.

Just hang in there. She'll respond when she's ready no matter what the situation. Give her time.

SpartanChick88

From the other side:  when my best friend called me and told me she was pregnant (oops), I was super happy for her, but it was also hard for me.  We had been TTC for a few months and hearing how easy it was for her was tough on me.  When I got a BFP 5 months later I was so excited that we could go through it together.  But then when I had a m/c at 7 1/2 weeks everything changed.  I was still there and talked to her every day, but it was so hard that if she hadn't been the closest thing I have to a sister, I probably would have backed off a little.  Now her little girl is almost 5 months old and we have been trying the whole time.  At one point I was in such a bad mental state (after I found out my SIL is preg) that I didn't talk to anyone for three days.   I would tell you that your friend not talking to you has nothing to do with you, but rather something that she's going through.  Just hang in there and let her have her space - I'm sure she will come around

MSC03

You could ask her about it or you could just ride it out and see if she comes around. It's only been a week--could you be overreacting and reading too much into this?

kg_08

How she reacts is up to her. I don't think you did anything wrong at all by telling her, but you never know, maybe she has even had a miscarriage or something and just doesn't know how to react right now.

02039752

Thanks for all your comments ladies. They have really helped me put things in perspective! The most important thing is that WE are happy with out news. : )

homebird

I wouldn't say anything.You never know what someone is going through. In my case: we told my sister-in-law that we were expecting. Later we found out she was having fertility problems and had been seeing a specialist. Needless to say, she was pretty unhappy and hasn't spoken to us since then. I wish we had known when we told her.

There's really nothing you can do about it... just give your friend some time and space and hopefully she'll come around.

jjones042807

I would just try talking to her about it.  I am waiting a few more weeks before telling everyone, but what I think is the case is you can get one of two responses: an excited response from a friend who is already pregnant or has a child, or a response from a friend who either isn't married or hasn't had a baby yet.

I'm a little nervous to tell a couple of friends who have been married but not been pregnant yet.  I don't think they are trying but you never know!

littleanomaly

I wouldn't say anything. Like someone else said, you never know what's going on with her, so there may be extenuating circumstances that you're not aware of. For example, my best friend (since ohhh 2nd grade) had her oops-baby (and I say that only half joking, they were shocked, but they're great parents and I know they don't regret anything) has recently been told that her baby messed up her insides so much that she may not have much longer to have a 2nd baby, and if she did get pregnant, it may end very badly for her. She's been super supportive of our pregnancy, and I've always been there for her too, but I try not to whine too much to her about nausea or anything, because I know it is quite possibly very difficult for her to not tell me to shut up and be happy because she might not get to experience that again. The elephant is in the room, we easily discuss it, but I'm not going to rub it in her face.

Another thing is, how far are you? My father in law isn't even acting excited this time and I bet it has a lot to do with our past m/c and his wife had m/c between their sons too. He's just trying not to get too excited, and I understand that, he was really excited last time, and I felt really bad having to tell them about the m/c.

joolz425

if she's a friend, you should just have an open conversation with her.

i have a friend who has been TTC for 5 years. i just try to be sensitive around her and just let her bring it up first. she's told me before how it can hurt her feelings when people are getting pregnant left and right and she's sitting there feeling left out.