WWYD?

la79al

Okay, so basically DH sucks as a labor coach but kind of sucks at childcare too.  I am starting to stress out about what to do once it's time for #2 to be born.  I think I would like my mom to be at the hospital with me and DH to be home with DD.  My mom did a super great job of helping me while DD was being born.  Except that I am worried about DH being home with DD too.  She hasn't been apart from me and as of right now, still nurses before bed.  No one else has ever put her to bed and DH has no clue of any kind of bedtime routine.  I think they would, for the most part, be okay during the day, or she could come to the hospital.  I have a feeling DH will argue that he wants to be at the hospital, it's his right, blah blah blah but I know he will only be saying that because he doesn't want to be home with DD.  My mom would do a great job with DD but again, she would do a better job helping at the hospital too.  There really is no one else in the picture that would be able to help.  My sister has already said she has no desire at all to be at the hospital but at the same time, she would only be able to be with DD for a couple hours at a time before she went insane.  I really don't know what to do here.  I am working on DD being apart from me and we're working on her waking up less during the night.  I thought for a few days last week that she was going to be done BFing but it looks like she has changed her mind on that.  So, WWYD?

firsttogo

I do not mean to flame, but if your DH is so bad with childcare, why are you having more children with him? That is rediculous that you can not leave your DD alone with DH. He need to shape  up.

This will be difficult for you all, but is there a drop-in daycare, or do you have a friend who could watch DD during the day and your mom could go home with her at night?

It is hard to be away from LO when having a new baby. I thought I wanted DS at the hospital as much as possible, but it really was not a great idea. It was scary for him to be there, and it just was not a place for a healthy toddler!

You will get through, this, but your DH needs to have a talking to about the responsibilities of being a husband and father. 

Mr.&MrsS

Well, I think your DH needs to learn how to take care of DD!! You are only 13 weeks right now, so you have plenty of time to teach him the bedtime routine and her daily schedule. It may be good for them to have alone time to bond. I would just try and invovle him more and more in the coming weeks so that he can help out, not only while you are in the hospital, but when the new baby comes home.

Mama Jan

I think your DH needs to be at the hospital - it's his baby too!!  If you feel like you need your mom there as well, then start looking around at friends you feel comfortable leaving your DD with.  Start having them over for dinner, have them watch her for little bits at a time.  She (and you) will not be instantly comfortable but you can ease her into it.

Remember, your DH isn't just there for you, as a labor coach.  He's there to welcome his child into the world. 

Sherriberry

Let DH be at the hospital. It's his child too.

Although I'm surprised he even wants to be there since he doesn't seem too interested in taking care of the first one.

He has lots of time to learn how to coach. Take a class or read a book. Maybe he was nervous the first time and didn't know what to expect.

Ciconrad

I hate to flame too but you have some serious issues with DH if he is not your preferred person to have there when you are giving birth OR having him watch your DD.  This is absurd.

Second, your DH belongs with you at the hospital.  He does have a right to be there for the birth of his child.  What in the world would you tell this kid 10 years from now?  Sorry, Dad wasn't there to cut the cord and take pictures in the first moments of your life because I thought he wasn't helpful and made him stay home?   I can't even fathom the absurdity of this.  Sorry if he isn't the most helpful but you are going to have to suck it up and deal with him.  You apparently thought he wasn't so bad that you made another baby with him.

Your mom will be fine with DD.  Give her specific instructions on the routine and your daughter will adjust just fine.  My mom will be with DS and she lives 14 hours away and only sees him for a week every 3 months or so.  I am leaving her written instructions and she will do fine - she always does when I leave her with him.  You are going to have to give up some of this control and assign these duties to your mom and DH in the near future.  You can't be solely responsible for both kids very soon...you might as well start now.

 

ariel06

Could you have your mom do most of the watching of your DD and then we it gets pretty close to you being ready to have the baby have your sister watch her so your mom can be there to help as well as your DH? 

roshybride

First of all, your DH needs to start improving his childcare skills, because once the baby comes, you are going to need all the help you can get. Especially at bedtime, since you'll probably be nursing the second one and DH will have to primarily do DD's bedtime.

Second, DH should be at the hospital. Especially if he wants to be there. If he isn't a great labor coach, then you should consider hiring a doula. A doula could help you through the labor.