NBR: Step-Grandfather

Lurksgirl

Just a little background: my father passed away in 2007.  My mom started dating and recently got engaged to a man who makes her very happy.  The thing is this, she's been pushing me to have my daughter call him grandpa.  Both DH and I are very uncomfortable with this as we feel like her grandfather has passed away and while my mom is marrying this man, he didn't raise me and shouldn't be called grandpa just because he's marrying my mom.  She makes reference all the time to other people we know who called their step-granparents grandpa bill or grandma jane. I'm just not convinced.  DH and I wouldn't mind Grandma and Uncle Kevin but my mom keeps pushing saying that my dad never wanted to be called grandpa, he wanted to be called Papa.  I don't think that it's the point, but rather the sentiment behind the name that makes me hesitant to commit to anyname involving grandpa or a derivitive of that.

So any advice would be greatly appreciated.

CariD25

I had both a step-grandfather and a living paternal grandfather. As I grew up my parents explained that my father's dad was "Grandpa" and my grandma's husband was "Grandpa Bob". IMO we weren't confused and understood who my father's dad was. I'm assuming you'll be showing your LO pics and talking about your dad. As questions come up about "Grandpa Kevin" explain he's Grandma's husband and is an important family member.

redhotchili83

DS is going to have a lot of grandpas.  I have a dad and a stepdad.  My FIL is gay and has a partner, so we call them the "Grandpas'.  LO will figure out what name they want to call everyone anyway.

kreeper611

I have a SD also. I never thought twice and refer to him as grandpa. I will teach C that he is named after his grandfather (my real dad, who passed away 10 years ago) when he is old enough to understand it. Besides my SD treats him as if he were his blood grandson.

Lurksgirl

I think that part of my problem at this point in time is that I don't really know this man that well ... my mom only started bringing him around just before LO was born.  I'm not close to him and don't know that I feel right in her calling him grandpa. I guess I'm still missing my dad a lot and don't know that he has earned the right to be called grandpa. Should she call him grandpa just because he's marrying my mother? My mother keeps pushing that he's the only maternal grandfather figure she'll ever have, but I plan on making her aware that my dad, even though he's gone would have loved her so very much and in his last days thought about how much he would be missing and charged my father in law to love her twice as much for the two of them.

Aknight1986

Every situation is different nut my DH and I both have deceased fathers. While I'm comfortable with our son calling my SD papaw my husband is not at all comfortable with him calling his stepdad grandpa. The difference being that I'm close with my stepfather (my dad died when I was 16 and mom remarried a year later) and DH barely knows his (he was already out of the house when his dad died).

Lurksgirl

This is very much my  issue too, I'm married and out of the house. It's not like I see this man often.  In fact it's not like I see my mother much these days anymore either.  She's very wrapped up in her whole kissy face crap with her fiance. I don't have much to do with them and really she stresses me out every time she bring up the whole "what is  she calling him garbage".

I am trying to find an alternative to grandpa that I am confortable with and that she'll be satisfied with as well.  She went so far as to tell me that if LO doesn't call him grandpa then she doesn't want to be called grandma and that LO will call them both by their first names which I don't agree with at all. I just don't like her ultimatums and threats and refuse to kow tow to her whims.

aegrimm

My dad is PapPap and my step-dad is Papa.

I don't think it's a big deal, but I don't know your dad, so I don't know what his wishes would have been...