s/o we've been having our own food issues here that I wonder if I'm handling appropriately

EMT

DD's been a bear lately with dinner.  I think it partly stems from the fact that she is not napping anymore so is usually pretty tired by dinner.  But also I've been trying to cut out the junk dinners we ate all too frequently so she isn't getting what she wants to eat for dinner lately. 

She only gets dessert if she eats a significant portion of her dinner. Usually this is 3 bites of the main meal (she usually will eat all the veggies). My DH thinks that she should eat everything on her plate or eat until she is full and that telling her to eat 3 bites is not appropriate because then she will only eat 3 bites and she will not understand that she should eat until she feels full. I'm more of the opinion of she is 3 and she won't eat any unless given a max she has to eat (which she has proven when she has found the main meal distasteful or if the dessert is not enough incentive).  It sort of works so I'm voting for keeping this tactic. Your thoughts? 

Also, we had a particular bad night the other night and I did tell her that she had to sit there even if she didn't want to eat while the rest of us ate because we eat as a family. She repeatedly tried to get out of her chair and I told her I would take her dolls away if she got out of her chair before we were finished eating. I didn't not punish her for not eating; just not sitting at the table while we ate. The threat was enough and she eventually did eat her 3 bites of dinner too (I have no hope of her eating if she isn't at the dinner table and we do want them to know that dinner time is at the table with all of us). Anyway, was this too harsh?

I've clearly failed when it comes to not making food a battle but she is on the smaller side. Any suggestions or insight would be appreciated.

ETA: it's always 3 bites because she is 3 and OMG, this got long!!

JOEBunny

I would get rid of dessert.  If you want her to have a small portion of treat, put it on the plate with the other stuff.  DD has a been to a lot of nutritionist.  They all say that it is my job to feed her good food, it is her job to decide what to eat.  I just put it in front of DD and don't comment much, other than to praise her if she eats something new or lots of veggies.  I really try hard not to make it a power struggle, maybe because my mother once kept me home from school because I refused to eat breakfast (as a teen).  I just don't think it is effective to control that.  Now, what you feed your child, that is 100% up to you.

ans1999

Well, I am a crazy B so take my 2 cents with a grain of salt. I don't get that worked up over DS not eating dinner. I will not give dessert if he hasn't eaten some of his dinner. I am on your side with that. He doesn't have to finish it but eat most of it. He always has to have 2 bites of veggies for dessert. He hates them. I don't know what to do about not staying at the table. We have this issue too. We usually tell him we are all eating now and try to engage him in conversation. Sometimes I let him have a toy or crayon book while we finish.

Marce921

I think what you're doing is exactly the right thing to do. We also tell DS that he has to eat X amount of bites of something before he can be done. He tends to eat what I tell him and a couple more. I also tell him that if he doesn't, he'll have no snacks until the next meal. Also, I've done the "just sit here with us" thing too. I think your DH is being unreasonable for a 3 yr old.

stillhoping

I would get rid of dessert as well. I never make my kids clean their plate, as this can create other issues later in life. We do not have battles at meal time, you eat what I cook or you have cereal. Those are your options.

KrisBriMcBunny

I make them eat half of whats on their plate if I know they really like it.   I really dont have any advice because I have such a crappy eater & I find its just not worth the battle.

SumnerBride

I don't think you're being unreasonable by having her sit at the table with the family at dinnertime.  That's what we do too.

I personally try not to use dessert as incentive to eat dinner.  I actually don't give DD dessert unless it's a special occassion, or sometimes on the weekend.  I find that too much sugar after dinner causes her to stay up later than I'd like.

I usually give her most of what we have for dinner, but I'll modify it some.  Like if I make some kind of chicken and I know she won't like the spices I use, I'll cook her a plain breast and cut it up.  I always serve her whatever veggies we're having.  And, sometimes if there's not enough on her plate, I'll cut up some cheese for her too.  She doesn't eat much dinner.  But, I'm not going to fight her about it.  She will usually make up for it at breakfast, or lunch.

wellfleet04

I would not use dessert as an incentive to eat because that sets it up as dessert is "good" and the other foods are "bad." I would also not dictate how many bites she has to eat.  Unless there is a weight issue and she needs calories, I agree with JOEBunny.  Your job to offer healthy foods, her job to decide what and how much to eat.  

You are not teaching her to recognize when she is full by demanding she eat 3 bites.  That's arbitrary, kind of like cleaning your plate, and I think it sets kids up to have issues with food later in life.  I also think that if you are ok with her having dessert, put it on the plate (a small portion) with everything else.  If a few meals go by and all she eats is the dessert, time to take dessert out of the equation entirely and tell her that it's important to eat lots of different kinds of foods and it seems like she's having trouble with that right now.

You are definitely not being unreasonable to ask her to sit (not eat) at family dinner time.  We do that, too.  She also has a choice:  if she doesn't want what I've made for dinner she can have yogurt and/or applesauce and that's it.  She usually chooses dinner, but sometimes has a yogurt instead.  I don't like to fight with her about food so I'm ok with that.  If she had yogurt, dessert is not offered or mentioned.