Surprise Baby Shower - NOT Happy
So I'm sure this will make me sound super ungrateful and rude, but my friends are throwing me a surprise baby shower and I am NOT happy about this at all.
I live in Colorado (just moved from CA in June) and it's my friends from CA doing this. I found out because my husband told me. He know how much I HATE surprises, so he wanted me to be aware. I called my friends out on it and here are the details I've gotten so far:
It's March 20th and they've all bought their plane tickets. They all intend to stay at my house (with their husbands/boyfriends). They intend to have the shower at my house. They are making it co-ed (so their husbands/boyfriends can come). There's going to be a lot of booze.
First of all, that weekend doesn't work for me AT ALL! I had plans for that weekend AND, none of my local friends can make it that weekend, and neither can my mother. BUT, since they've all bought their plane tickets, there's nothing I can do. Second, they're planning to stay at my house & have the baby shower there? Ok, I live in a townhouse. We have a 3 bedroom, but we also have 2 kids, a dog and three cats. It's not real big. Also, I don't want to have to stress out about making sure my house is spick n span. Third, I don't want a co-ed shower. I don't know their boyfriends and even some of their husbands. I want a shower with my girlfriends...not their guys. Lastly, the booze thing. I was a big drinker before this pregnancy. It's not easy for me to sit around and watch everyone else have a great time drinking the day away while I can't! It's just RUDE!
Is there a nice way to tell my friends thanks, but no thanks on this shower???
Re: Surprise Baby Shower - NOT Happy
I would say no, there really is no way that you can tell your friends not to do this. Yes, it will be somewhat of an imposition to have many house guests and such, but they've already bought their tickets, planned this, etc. Plus it's a surprise, so you aren't supposed to know anyway.
Regarding the drinking thing, I don't see the problem. At my first shower, all my guests drank, and I was happy for them! They're your friends, right? So unless the guest of honor is a recovering alcoholic, then I think it's perfectly appropriate for guests to drink at a party. However, they should be respectful due to the fact that there are children in your house, so hopefully they know boundaries.
Maybe one of your Colorado friends will throw you another local shower, you never know...
I think your friends mean well, but it is VERY rude to plan a shower for someone in their home without telling them!
I would explain to the girls that you do not have space for this many people and suggest an affordable hotel that they can book rooms at for their stay.
I would also tell them that you would prefer not to have alcohol at the shower. Suggest that the man-folk go out to the bar with your DH while the women stay at home.
Although they meant for it to be a surprise, it is obviously in poor taste to have THIS kind of a surprise, so I wouldn't hesitate to let them know that you know. Just say your hubby felt that in your pregnant condition, it would be best for you to know since it will be at your home.
If it isn't many girls and no one objects, you could also suggest that it be held at a restaurant and each person can pay for their own meal Good luck, sorry you have to deal with this!
LOL, my friends know that I know about the shower. I told them I knew. And I've voiced the fact that we have no room for them to stay, or for the shower to be held here. However, they just keep saying things like "don't worry, we won't be any bother" or "I'm a master of small spaces, it will work out great". No. They aren't getting it and I'm at a point where I'm just going to have to be plain rude soon.
Wow, good luck with that lol! I would really just put my foot down and say, sorry, I love you girls, but you can't stay at my house. Here are some affordable hotels.
Although it is rude of them to show up unexpectedly, it is sweet that they would make that kind of trip just to see you. I don't think there are a lot of people who would do that.
I know there is a lot of things for you to worry about like space, entertaining, and such. Try to focus on the positive side. No one expects you to have a spotless house when you are already a mom & pregnant. Or to plan the entertainment. Although I don't agree with thier tactics you might actually have fun in the end. Enjoy the attention because from my point of view they must see you as a very special person to travel that far to have a shower.
I do hope it works out for you!
I agree with this wholeheartedly. Sounds like your friends are using your pregnancy as an excuse to come visit and throw a party for themselves. I would probably go so far as to book a hotel room for all of them as a "thank you" gift. Heck, if they are cool with all staying in a 3 bedroom townhome, they probably won't mind a large hotel room!
Does your townhome have a rec center or central location (BBQ spot or pool area) where you can have the shower? At least that way it isn't a bunch of people getting drunk in your house.
This!!!
This, completely, unless your DH was coordinating with them extensively. If he was heavily involved in making the arrangements, I'd unfortunately say that while it was in very poor taste on his part, they made the plans in good faith and it would be awkward and come across very badly to then tell them they can't do it.
If he was in the dark about it too, though, and didn't agree to these arrangements, I'd politely ask them to find someplace else to stay, and someplace else to do their drinking/boozing. If it's at your house, it should be by your/DH's rules, which if you don't want a big booze event you should have that right.
This why I don't like surprise showers. Did they consult at all with your DH as to what week-end is best, etc? Did your DH OK them staying at your place? I would let them know in no uncertain terms that while you appreciate them spending their money to fly out and host a shower for you, you cannot accomodate them at your home...there is just NO room! I would call around and find some cheaper motels/hotels and give them the info. If your townhouse has a rec center I would have it there or maybe even the motel/hotel (of their choice) has an area (most do). I'm not sure when this is taking place or how many friends are involved but if it is nice weather you could even tell them to have it outside.
As for the drinking...that should not be an issue. People drink all the time around you I'm sure...when you go out to dinner and what not. It's not like you'll be pregnant forever and never get to drink. If you can't sit with a bunch of other people drinking around you without feeling "bad" you might have a problem. JMO
This...did your DH give them the OK? If not, I would say, I am so sorry, but we are going to be OOT. You are more than welcome to stay at our place since you already bought tickets...and then just go somewhere else.
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Yeah, I'd really need to know more about your DH's role in the whole thing before I go one way or another.
As far as the drinking goes, I'd just get over it.
Me too. If DH gave them the green light, you can't fault them for planning a shower they were given the go ahead for. As far as drinking, I know it sucks when people drink and you can't - but you are just going to have to get over it. If they get sloppy drunk, that is a different situation.
I definitely get why you feel how you do. That said, if DH was really involved in this you are stuck with it.
If DH wasn't really involved, I think you can totally press the issue of them staying elsewhere and be e bit firm about that in whatever way you are comfortable (booking a room for them, tell them to stay eslewhere, etc.). You're pregnant, not sleeping well, tired plus have two kids and need to keep some semblance of order at home for your sanity/sleep habits as well as those of the kids. If it were me, though I'd suck it up and deal with having the shower at your house, even if you weren't consulted on that. And I'd really not make an issue of people drinking around you - you're the pregnant one, not them. I think it would be unreasonable to insist on no alcohol. Reasonable consumption of alcohol around you should be okay. Good luck and hopefully you can at least get them to stay elsewhere. If so you, might actually be able to find a way to enjoy your own shower - could be fun!
ETA - I know you're unhappy with lots of aspects of this and while I don't blame you, I would be really flattered if I had friends who wanted to spend mponey to fly to see me and throw me a party, however misguided their planning ended up being.
I would be furious. I hate surprises as well, and I agree with the poster that said they are using the baby as an excuse for a vacation and to booze it up.
I would put my foot down, tell them that you do not have the room, plan and simple, you are very sorry but they are going to have to stay in hotels, and then I would say NO ALCOHOL. This group doesn't sound like that would be respectful of boundaries and small children anyway.
And talk to your DH and see if he will take the boyfriend's and husbands out so yall can have your shower.
This exactly.
Totally sounds like they're just trying to plan a drinking party weekend.
BFP #2 ~ 4/22/2010 ~ EDD 12/29/2010 ~ Born 12/19/2010 ~ My Rainbow Baby
BFP #3 ~ 6/10/2012 ~ EDD 2/20/2013 ~ HB 100bpm @ 9w3d ~ M/C 7/11/2012
BFP #4 ~ 3/16/2013 ~ EDD 11/20/2013 ~ Born 11/17/2013 ~ Rainbow Baby #2
Wow. Maybe I'm "old" but grown adults should be able to book accommodations for themselves at a HOTEL and not flop at friends houses like they're in college. ESPECIALLY at the home of a nesting pregnant woman.
I'm sorry you are going through this. I am sure your friends mean well, but REALLY. I would ask your husband to talk to them and try to make arrangements. Getting them a hotel room would be a nice thank you gift, and if you really do not want the party at your house, he can suggest having it at a restaurant, etc. Good luck!!