Just feeling pretty blah all the way around

mathgal1025

Its just been a rough week.   I've had to go shopping for a baby shower gift for a friend that started TTC way after us and got PG pretty quickly.  For some reason, I am obsessing over getting the "perfect" gift and so I spent 2 hours in the Target baby section just walking around not sure what to get and feeling pretty bad.  Then I ended up at Babies R Us looking too and debating about what to get.  I guess I'm just sad that we aren't buying for our baby and I want to so bad so I'm obsessing about getting something that will make me seem like I am super happy and excited for them even though I am so jealous and it makes me feel like a big failure which I know is stupid and petty. 

Then my local board had a GTG.  It was termed a "playdate" gtg but a lot of local ladies that were going who don't go to other gtgs so I kinda wanted to go to meet them.  Most of the ladies have babies under 2 and a lot of them were under 1 so its not like it was going to be an actual "playdate" more of just sitting around with cute babies and talking etc.  I offered to be an "adult" to help out the host and bring some food.  Well my good friend who is also on the local board and has a 4 month old pretty much told me it would be weird if I came since I didn't have a baby.  It just really hurt my feelings and made me feel pretty crappy.  I just thought my friend would understand a little better and not be so blunt about it.  I know she probably meant that it would be hard for me and I wouldn't really fit in which I had already decided but it was just harsh for me to hear.  I have babysat for free for her baby before to help them out and she never thought that would be hard for me..which it was but  I enjoyed it but that doesn't mean it wasn't hard to do. 

I was short with her after she said this and now she thinks I'm mad at her.  This girl is one of my best friends locally so now I feel crappy about this.  I was never mad I was just hurt but I was probably being super sensitive.  I sent her an email to this effect and apologized for her thinking I was mad and tried to explain it to her and I haven't heard anything back.  

Plus, my doctor put me on a Provera (progesterone) prescription because I haven't ovulated or had a period since November which is a new problem I have.  This is making me feel pretty yucky too.  Ugh.  

Sorry to just whine.  Its so hard not knowing what is our plan and feeling like its never going to happen for us.  Plus, Dh and I talked and decided that I'm going to quit the job that I love (long term math sub teaching for ladies out on maternity leave ironically) and go back to my old job (if I can get back into which shouldn't be a problem) that I hated but made like 4 times the money so we can start putting money in savings for adoption most likely or maybe IVF depending on what my doctor has to say next week.

JoJoGee

I'm sorry you are having such a rough time.  I hope all of this dissolves soon and you'll have a precious baby in your arms soon.

CaptainSerious

That is a lot to deal with at once.  I'm sorry that you are down over it, but it is completely understandable.

I also wish your friend had talked with you about the GTG, rather than just tell you that it would be weird for you to show.  It sounds like she doesn't really understand where you are coming from at all, and so it is hard for her to be supportive.  If she's truly a friend, I'd try to explain how you feel and she should come around and act differently in the future.

I hope you feel better and that thing turn around for you soon!

jehnm

I'm so sorry you are having to deal with all of this!  I hate it when our closest friends can't seem to be supportive or are hurtful during this difficult time.  I have friends that no matter how hard I try to explain, they will never understand and don't even try.  Thankfully I have other friends that are awesome. 

I've often thought about switching jobs for the exact same reason as you, but for now, I'm sitting tight.  I hope everything switches to being positive soon!  I totally understand just feeling blah though!!

Take care!

LaurelPea

I am so sorry that you are having to deal with all of this, its a lot and really hard. Hope this week gets off to a better start.

mathgal1025

No I think she does get it but she just didn't word it right and I took it too sensitive.  I just needed to vent about everything.  Hopefully we can start to get things planned around here.

MayDayGirl

Wow I'm sorry That sucks. I would be honest with your friend and just tell her that she hurt you

 

That would have REALLY hurt me too.

ColoRxGirl

I'm sorry you're having a rough time.

I'd have been pretty hurt, too, if someone said I was sorta unwelcome at a function because I didn't have kids.  But, it sounds like you're pretty strong - I wouldn't even attempt to go to a GTG like that.  I went to a local Nestie book club once near my neighborhood and was the only one without kids - and on top of it there were 2 ladies with newborns there and 1 pregnant girl.  It took me a week to recover. 

I hope you're feeling better soon.