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2nd Trimester
Am I being rude if I decline?
I haven't posted any questions but I feel like I need some input on this.
My husband works with a woman (early 30's) who wants to come to our baby shower. I said "okay, fine" because she's his boss and I didn't want to cause any conflict if everyone else was going and not her.
So, my husband and her were talking on Friday and she asks if I would be offended if she gave me some used baby clothes. He said, "no, she loves clothes and it's just being nice" She then proceeds to ask "Does she like me? I always get a feeling she doesn't" My husband then says "I dont' know." And then he quickly changes the subject.
Now, up front and honest, I do NOT care for the woman. I don't hate, just dislike. About 2 years ago (before she was DH's boss) they were close friends at work. I had a feeling the way she acted around him she liked him more then just a friend. I told my husband I had a bad vibe from her and he asked what I meant and I explained. He said "No, I don't think so. You're being silly."
A few weeks later...she says straight up she likes him and would love to "steal" him "away" from me and she would "love to have kids together because they would be adorable". Please honey, keep it in your pants, you have 2 kids by 2 different fathers! (Now 3 kids by 3 diff. fathers-whatever floats your boat, but she's known for getting bored easily and moving on)
Anyways...2pts for me! I was right! He then says there is nothing there and he loves me and will be with me for the rest of our lives etc. etc. She gets the point and backs off.
I saw her about a month later and she avoided me like the plague. I would, too! She was also invited to our wedding back in August and she said congrats to the hubby but avoided me.
My husband knows she knows why I don't care for her and why I get a "bad vibe" but doesn't want to bring up the past, especially since she's the boss.
In the end the question is, do I actually take the free clothes (her youngest is 14months so everything is newer) or do I politely decline? I'm thinking I should take the items just b.c it's not the person who they're coming from that matters, it's the clothes, but at the same time I just don't like the woman and don't want her to think she can be buddy buddy with me just b.c she did that. It takes A LOT of trust for me to be friends with you, and something like this bugs the crap right out of me and will takes years to get back. I guess she also stated she was going shopping out of town this weekend with some friends and would go to BRU and buy us some new baby clothes because maybe I would like her then.
To give her a chance..or not?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Am I being rude if I decline?
I would take is as a compliment that she thinks your husband is awesome and be nice to the woman. It's not like she's acted inappropriately.
If you can't find it within yourself to be nice to her I don't think you should take the free clothes from her.
DD2 8.22.13
MMC 1.4.17 at 16w
Expecting #3, EDD 1.29.18
I say keep your friends close and you enemies closer
The clothes have nothing to do with this woman being a whack job.. soid take the clothes. And taking clothes doesn't mean your friends. Id just say thank you and keep it cordial. You dont have to be friends.. but for your hubbys sake id say the hello how are you smile and move along.
It's not that I can't be nice to her b.c I have when I've seen her. I act as if nothing happened. As stated I don't hate her (I don't hate anyone) just a bit irked by what happened. She does seem to want to help and is going to great lengths to be a friends so I will go ahead and accept the clothes. Nothing bad can happen from clothes right?! lol.
I would accept them and then leave it. If you like them great, more clothes right? If not hello ebay here they come!
Amen to that! And yes, I do try very hard to keep it cordial all though I just want to ask her "wtf would you hit on another womans man when you know we've been together for years and years and plan on having a family together soon?" If you have a 'crush' on someone..fine, it happens, but to go into details about the baby thing..thats a bit much...
Clearly you're not very nice to her if she got the vibe that you're not a fan.
DD2 8.22.13
MMC 1.4.17 at 16w
Expecting #3, EDD 1.29.18
Oh that's a great idea! I never thought about Ebay. lol. I'm sure she does have some adorable clothes so I'll just pick through what I like. It will be less we have to buy, right?!
You are nicer than me, cause she would not have been invited to my wedding or baby shower after her comments. Saying you would like to "steal" a taken man and have "babies" with him crosses a line to me.
But since she is coming, just speak to her for a few mins and accept/thank her for the clothing and leave it at that.
I just say "hello, how are you?" when I do see her. I've only seen her a MAX 6x's in 2yrs and the last time was at our wedding-August- but I was speaking with someone else at the time she was saying congrats to my husband. I went to say hello afterwards but she had left already. Said she had to go grocery shopping and bring her oldest to a beach party (told to DH).
I try to keep it civil just b.c she's my husbands boss and can obviously make his life a living he*l. She's done it to other co-workers and since he doesn't like conflict anymore then I do, he never brought it up on Friday when he could have.
I'll just take the clothes and if I don't like them (or change my mind) I can always give them away or another woman in need or sell them!
I disagree with this. She probably KNOWS she f*$cked up and is now feeling guilty and transposing that onto someone else "not liking her" so she doesn't have to take the blame for anything. I've had to deal with several of this situations in the past and they are never fun, but you don't mess with another woman's man, ESPECIALLY a pregnant woman! LOL
She could be being nice/polite, but because of what the lady said the lady feeling odd around her. I mean who actually "likes" wants to be good friends with someone you wants or wanted to "steal" your husband. (And the lady actually said it.)
I think you have been excessively nice to this woman, and I understand not wanting to create workplace drama for your husband! I would honestly accept the clothes, smile, and try to enjoy yourself with your friends who are at the party, but you are not obligated to like this woman, or even be overly interested in her life than being cordial. She seems to need a LOT of attention, and you have better things to do with your life, like welcoming a baby into your home!
I forgive people very easily or 'put things in the past' as much as I can usually...example why I didn't say straight up 'no' to the clothes and sat on it thinking maybe I should give her a try. Sometimes people just don't 'grow up'. I honestly think she would and will do it with another woman's man, but it won't be with mine!
You think her behavior towards the husband (who also happens to be her employee) IS appropriate????
I can't agree more!
I think this is one side to a story and the other could possibly be a completely different version. I never take online posts for face value, generally when someone posts something so personal there's a bit of elaborated drama involved.
DD2 8.22.13
MMC 1.4.17 at 16w
Expecting #3, EDD 1.29.18
Unfor. I can't "prove" Im not being dramatic or it's elaborated, but I can guarantee you it's no. No reason for it. I would love to be friends w/ the woman but sometimes you have that 'gut feeling' someone just isn't a 'good person' and I was right. At least I don't have to deal with her on a daily bases.
I think a womans intuition is normally right on. Its normally pretty obvious when someone is after your man. Especilally since she straight up said so! I would have a nice talk with her....Husbands boss or not. If they have to continue to be in the same circle then the air needs to be cleared, IMO.
I didn't realize there were different ways to interpret someone telling your husband they want to have babies with him. To me that is pretty straight forward. Joking or not, it is inappropriate
This is actually the 2nd time a co-worker has liked DH. Its obviously going to happen when you work in a building of 400 women and 12 men, but still, really ladies? Go out and find a single man! I don't know about the conversation, but it may happen if she were to come to me and ask...just not at the baby shower!
EXACTLY!!!! Especially when the man in questions, wife is at home carrying their child!!
Right, the woman wasn't the boss yet when the comments were made and yes it would def. be sexual harassment if a man said that to a woman. But, again, there are 400 employees and only 12 men so the men have to step lightly not to anger the women who are the top bosses...
I totally disagree with PP, she has acted inappropriately. Telling OPs DH that she'd love to steal him away and make babies with him was not only wildly inappropriate given that he was in a relationship, it was sexual harassment.
If my husband were in this position, I'd trust this woman as far as I could throw her. Your DH is surely well behaved as he told you about all of this, but she sounds like a untrustworthy and manipulative woman.
She probably got the vibe she wasn't a fan because she knows that wifey knows she's shown interest in her DH. Why would she be "a fan"?!
I'd take the clothes and turn around and donate them.
Just wanted to give my two cents here. I think the OP has been overly nice and I agree with all those other comments that I would NOT have been so cordial, (whether she's your DH's boss or not- especially since it appears some of the comments weren't made while she was his boss).
Anyway I would NEVER even allow her to come to my baby shower. Her comments in the past are highly innapropriate and a direct insult and threat to the OP. Who SAYS that they want to "steal" your husband away and have his babies? I would have snapped at that moment and never spoken to her again. Anyway that would be my personal stance on the issue and she would absolutely NOT be allowed inside of my home, and I would NOT accept any gifts from her ever.
I do understand that your DH is in a different position since she works with him and is his boss, but I would not just be able to sit back and allow this woman into my house. (and she would NOT have attended our wedding!)
Good luck! sounds like a terrible situation, no matter how it's handled.
http://balletandbabies.blogspot.com
Why is she so desperate to gain your friendship? Saying she would go out and buy new baby things for you in order to make you like her is definitely not normal. She probably acts like this toward a lot of women, which is why she is lacking friends. If she feels bad for past actions, she should come to you and talk to you. Her comments were very inappropriate and if it were me, she would not have been invited to the wedding. As his boss, she should back off entirely and stop trying to be so involved in her employee's personal life.
That being said, I'd accept clothes if she offered them and say thank you. It just seems catty to say no and would likely create more drama for your husband.