guilty feelings ... need pep talk/support

mlf625

So we're doing pretty well 1 week into 2u2, DS has been great so far and DD is sweet as can be.  DH went back to work yesterday and my mom is staying here at least another week to help out (I had a c/s and can't lift DS yet, even if I could, I'm totally not ready to fly solo!)

For the most part things are great, but today I'm feeling really emotional and sad for DS.  We've been together pretty much 24/7 since he was born and have so much fun together.  I just feel really guilty for how different things are now and worried that the bond I have with him won't be the same now that the new baby is here.  When I take time to just be alone and bond with DD (while my mom takes DS outside or to do something fun) I feel so guilty.  He had a little fit earlier when I was holding the baby and tried to hit her, which just made me feel awful for both of them and like I'll never be "enough" mommy to give them both the attention and love they need. 

I'm probably being irrational and hormonal (for sure hormonal!) but I just need to hear from other 2u2 moms that both of my babies will be loved enough and that your bond with #1 is still strong.  Is it pretty normal to feel this way early on or am I nuts?  Just having a tough afternoon and feeling anxious.    tia. 

HappyTXChick

Girl, you are still swimming in jacked up hormones!  Hang in there! 

Try to leave your DD with your mom and go outside and hang out with DS alone.  Do something that you two typically would do together before.  I have always made it a point do things alone with each of them.  Just taking one of them on a quick errand with me, and DH does the same.  THat helps with those feelings.  But just remember that a lot of the feelings you are having right now are completely magnified times 100 because of hormones and sleep deprivation (or at least thats how it was for me in those first few weeks). 

You will be a great mother to both of them!  Just wait until the first time they laugh at each other.... it is so worth it!  Just remember, you are at the hardest point and it only gets easier from there!

Good luck!

bim38106

I think it's very normal to feel that way. It just shows what a great mom you are I felt very guilty. I think it was about a month until I stopped feeling like I was "cheating" on DD1. And I remember telling DD2 "I love you" and smiling at her and then quickly looking up to make sure DD1 didn't see me because I was worried she would get upset. Then I realized that was silly and that DD1 needed to see me love DD2 just as much.

Now I feel like my bond with DD1 is just as strong as ever. And it's great because DH's bond w/ DD1 is even stronger then before because it was almost like he was DD1's "primary care giver" while I was taking care of DD2 those first few weeks. So now their bond is stronger, DD1 and my bond is super strong, and DD1 absolutely adores DD2 and I can see the love and the bonding there. It's truly amazing

Hang in there. Those first weeks are rough w/ all the hormones and changes! But I promise it gets better and your bonds will be just as strong. You will love them equally and they will feel loved and you will be "enough" for both of them.

Temp965378937506476

Aw Mandie! Hang in there. It is so hard. And if I'm completely truthful, it took me a good month to really feel connected to Clara. I mean, of course I loved her, but not like I loved Ellie. It took a while to get over the feeling of not being 100% focused on Ellie every second of my life. Then I'd feel guilty that I couldn't be that focused. Then I'd feel guilty that I wasn't 100% focused on Clara. It was a back and forth for a LONG time.

It took a while for there to be a new family mold, and kind of feel our "new" family of four out. You'll get there. The thing that helped me the most was to say goodbye to the housework. When Vivian is napping, don't stress about laundry, cooking, dinner, cleaning, etc. Focus on Anderson. Spend that time 1 on 1 with him. That helped me a lot, feeling like I still was giving to Ellie individually. And I am super anal about the house. But with two you really do realize, "you know, there's only SO MUCH that I can do."

Hang in there! I am always here to talk.

bacala1

You just gave him the greatest gift, a sibling! They are going to have so much fun together when they get a little older. My brother was my best friend. Focus on that.

MrsKellyOrBust

Very normal feelings!

Four months in and I still feel like one of the boys is getting shortchanged somehow each day.

flgator

How are you doing?  I knew you c/s was soon but I didn't see any posts after that. 

I'm not there yet, but I'm sure I'll be having those same feelings soon.  I'm with DS#1 all the time too.