Yeah, this twins thing is hard

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I know all of the MoM's don't need to be told this, but some of it's so much easier and so much harder than I expected.  I think it's easier/harder because I had a singleton as my first. 

The feeding, changing, sleeping, is all much easier than I expected.

Giving them time is so, so much harder.  I have 1 pretty darn needy baby that wants to be held non-stop.  That's fine, but I have another baby that I feel like I'm neglecting because of it.  I asked DH to just hold our needy baby last night so I could feel like I was giving the other some attention.  I feel like I'm punishing our less needy baby for being an easier kid.  If I just had DS1 and 1 baby, I could wear said baby all day while still taking care of DS1, but now I just feel like it's a losing battle.  Of course I love all of my boys and couldn't imagine not having all of them in our life, but life would be so much easier if they all came one at a time, I feel horrible for not being able to give each of them enough attention.  Less fussy baby woke from his nap earlier so I brought him downstairs so I could just hold him for a while.

janjag

i just have the twins, so i can't compare having 1 first, then dealing with 2. 

however, i do understand the worry about one twin getting more attention than the other.  we also have one quite a bit more needy than the other.  when mine were at yours' age, the high maintenance baby needed to be held all the time, and would NOT let anyone sit down while holding her. 

now, the needier one is army crawling all over the house, so she is really keeping me busy.  my easy girl is just rolling around, and seems to be having a good time.  i MISS her - she sleeps more at nap time, so i get extra one-on-one time with my needier girl, and not enough with my easier girl. 

i will say that my easier baby seems more independent... and that is a good thing. 

also, i worry that my easier baby gets favored!  so, i worry that both are not getting what they need.  sounds like one of those silly/annoying mom guilt things!

 

RunnerGirl17

I'm with you...my girls are only (almost) 5-weeks-old and while I can't say one is needier than another, I definitely have days where one gets more attention than the other because she's fussier, isn't sleeping as much, whatever the reason might be.  I worry that I'm spending so much time soothing one that the other isn't getting the good kind of stimulation (songs, play mat, just being held or talked to) she needs.  

cholzer

I cried over this very thing last night.  I am neglecting the good baby to deal with the fussy baby.  I actually thought "I'm going to have to get a baby sitter for Tripp just so I can spend time with Taylon!"  You can add the guilt of not being able to spend time with my other two boys into the mix and sleep depravation, which makes it all so impossible.  I suppose this too will pass and one day we'll romanticise this period of our lives but for right now I feel I can't possibly do it all.  It's so overwhelming.

ErinCB

I feel the same way. While I don't necessarily have one baby that's needier than the other, I feel like in general I'm not as attentive to the twins as I was with DS1 when he was a NB. Back then I had ONLY him to focus on and he got tons of attention. Now I have a 2 year old and 2 newborns. By the time I get done feeding and changing the twins, I need to do something for my older DS. The twins are there, awake and just hanging out on the playmat or bouncy seat or swing, while I take care of whatver for DS. Then I get done doing that and they are sleeping again. It's like...I can't win! If I spent more time with the twins, DS would go w/o attention (and he sure does notice). If I spend time doing stuff for DS, the twins don't get attention.

And DS gets SO bored during feedings and changings for the babies.I find myself saying A LOT, "Mommy will do that in a few minutes." It's always "a few minutes" for someone and I just feel like DS is going to start resenting me/the babies for it.

macchiatto

MrsLee04:

I struggled with this, too.  I had one very high needs baby and the other was so mellow.  I felt so guilty when one got neglected because I was always caring for the other.

Same here. And I do feel like they both get shafted compared to if they had come one at a time. 

On days when they're both happy and playing well by themselves, it's not bad (other than lugging two toddlers up and down the stairs and cleaning up twice the mealtime mess!) but on days when they're both teething/fussy/whiny/clingy/etc. it's torture. (Judging by Goldie's post I'm guessing hers were not having a day like that today. )

carissasmom

I just had this horrible realization last night.  My girls are just starting to sit unassisted, they don't do it great yet, but are starting.  DD1 was already sitting independently at this age.  I broke down b/c I thought it was my fault b/c I can't work w/ them as much independently b/c I don't have enough arms/hands to help them sit and play w/ DD.  So they get laid down alot or put in the jumperoo, etc.  Then I realized I was being ridiculous.  All babies eventually sit up, they aren't going to start kindergarten laying down.  This is all they know.  Its all just mommy guilt.  They know nothing different than having to split time w/ you - this is all they know.  So how do they know if its not what they like.