Mrs. H why did you DD?

mrs.freitas

karatechrissy:

odear:

mrs.freitas:

luckyangel:

J+R:

We were told that CS does not HAVE to be spent on the child... therefore I doubt they would make BM itemize things... ;(

Its crazy how different it is state to state. 

 I wonder how it works in Texas then, because my DH and I would love to have her provide an itemized statement of how she spends the money...especially since $1200+ for the 15 days a month she has them isnt enough and she comes asking for more money...considering we pay for all health insurance premiums and 50% of copays on top of the cs.  

 

In your pp you said that BM takes you back every year for more CP.  I thought the standard TX order says every 3 years it can be assessed?  Regardless-that totally sucks.  How can BM get it granted for you to pay HER court costs when she is the one initiating the proceedings?  I agree-TX is just one of the many states that is 50 years behind the times when it comes to father's rights.

I don't think TX is quite as behind as you think compared to other states. My sister and I went to visit my dad one year for Christmas break, he lived in TX (this was about 15 yrs ago) and he kept us. He never put us on a plane back home to our mom. My mom tried to deal with the courts in TX and showed her divorce papers that stated she had full custody of us (my dad wasn't even supposed to have us, she let him take us just being nice) and the state would do NOTHING! They said they don't recognize divorce decrees from other states. My dad enrolled us in school (he didn't have our birth certs, or anything! They just let him) and my mom had to secretly physically remove us from school one day. My mom always refers to TX as the 'state that's it's own country'. Just my personal experience though, thought I'd give my 2 cents of what I know of TX

I really feel for your situation and what happened to you...I cant even imagine. However, we know quite a few divorced parents that are in the same situation we are in, and the fathers have all gotten the same treatment that my DH has gotten. I dont want a pity party by any means, I just want whats fair and best for the kids, but I also dont feel like whats happened in our situation is fair. I would have to agree in some ways about TX doing things differently then other states, but from my experience, its usually the fathers who have way less rights then the mothers.

Serendipity07

mrs freitas - if you guys do end up going back to court again, keep in mind most states won't take another child into account until AFTER they're born. this was the case for us (but we already knew this going into our court date) however, our attorney decided to mention that our baby was due in 2 months. The judge said she agreed that baby deserved equal support too (esp since our BM is SO grossly overpaid in CS by us) but that they couldn't take it into account yet because he hadn't been born yet.

The judge told us when we came back in Nov, she'd definitely be taking ALL children into account and that BM should consider her 3 yrs of OVERPAYMENT in child support a windfall that won't continue. (but when we go back in Nov, we won't just have DS to take into consideration, but another LO as well) and we can MORE than afford to take care of all of these children, BM just needs to be held accountable for HER part in this too. - She helped create 2 of the 4 children, she needs to take some responsibility as well.

mrs.freitas

Serendipity07:

mrs freitas - if you guys do end up going back to court again, keep in mind most states won't take another child into account until AFTER they're born. this was the case for us (but we already knew this going into our court date) however, our attorney decided to mention that our baby was due in 2 months. The judge said she agreed that baby deserved equal support too (esp since our BM is SO grossly overpaid in CS by us) but that they couldn't take it into account yet because he hadn't been born yet.

The judge told us when we came back in Nov, she'd definitely be taking ALL children into account and that BM should consider her 3 yrs of OVERPAYMENT in child support a windfall that won't continue. (but when we go back in Nov, we won't just have DS to take into consideration, but another LO as well) and we can MORE than afford to take care of all of these children, BM just needs to be held accountable for HER part in this too. - She helped create 2 of the 4 children, she needs to take some responsibility as well.

Youre right, our attorney told us that. Since July makes 1 year, and my due date is July 6, our attorney told us to file the motion mid/end of July since it will probably take 6 weeks to get a court date. If this was the sole reason for going back to court, we probably wouldnt do it because it may/may not make that much of a difference in how much we pay monthly, but we have some other issues and our attorney has recommended that we strongly build our case before doing so. We have been using the past 6 months or so to do as he suggested, and will continue to document everything.  BM does need to be held accountable for the 2 children she helped create, and from what I understand, she has never taken accountability for them which is the one of reasons that shes no longer married to my DH.

Serendipity07

Your BM sounds JUST like ours Mrs Freitas - we're going back in Nov because she's so grossly overpaid and an adjustment is due in Nov anyway - we just happened to find out we were expecting LO #2 and my due date is in Sept so I'm sure BM will have a complete FIT since she's such a jealous, spiteful person. (all she'll be worried about is HER money - it has nothing to do with the kids and what they deserve.)

mrs.freitas

Serendipity07:

Your BM sounds JUST like ours Mrs Freitas - we're going back in Nov because she's so grossly overpaid and an adjustment is due in Nov anyway - we just happened to find out we were expecting LO #2 and my due date is in Sept so I'm sure BM will have a complete FIT since she's such a jealous, spiteful person. (all she'll be worried about is HER money - it has nothing to do with the kids and what they deserve.)

Yes, they do sound alike. Its not about the kids, its about the money. Like I said earlier, we have them 50% of the time, and she is very overpaid. She also thinks shes entitled the the money I make, which thank GOD, she cant touch it. She wasnt happy when she found out I was PG and she told my DH that we were taking away from her kids. How selfish is that? Should my DH and I not ever have kids together? Come on...my DH's life doesnt stop because his relationship with her ended. Shes extremely bitter that he divorced her and that DH is finally successful without her (he went back to school and is now 1/2 way thru to get his BS in Computer Science, he got a great job that pays well, and he has a supportive family who helps any way they can- as his parent are both deceased). I knew the situation I was getting into when I married him, but I guess youre never fully prepared for what the future brings. I can only hope for her sake that she will come to her senses eventually, because her decisions are hurting the kids...and I feel sorry that they are put in the middle of her greed.

Serendipity07

Wow - again, could have written most of that myself!

When BM found out we were expecting she told the boys:

"Oh, see you must not be enough for your dad and SM - they had to have their OWN kids - you're more than enough for ME, I don't need more kids"

"There will be less gifts for you boys at Christmas and B-days now because your Dad and SM's kids will be getting stuff too and they won't be able to love you as much..."

(SOOOO sick, right?? I shouldn't have kids with DH because she's got a complex a million miles long and likes to turn the kids against DH because SHE has issues?!)

She is also VERY upset and bitter that DH finally had the cajones to divorce her AND that he moved on, is happy, has a ton of love and support from his family and mine and has started a family with me too - she cannot STAND it!

It would be an impossible DREAM for us if BM ever realized the error of her ways or if she could eventually see how she is royally screwing the kids up, but she doesn't get it - she thinks she's a martyr - she can do NO wrong and everyone else is the bad guy.

I just hope the kids can figure her BS out one day and realize how their own mother has put a wedge between them and their father. (unfortunately, we don't get to see the kids very often due to living in different states, DH is in the military AND the last several times we've attempted to have the kids, they refuse, based off of more BS Bm has made up. Youngest SS (13) will be coming over Spring Break finally but oldest SS (17) refuses to come or talk to DH at all. Very sad situation and for no reason other than BM warping them against us.

mrs.freitas

I know, its sick to play those mind games with the kids. I can only imagine what she says that they dont tell us about. My DH and I just both hope that one day the kids see what she is/trying to do in regards to their relationship with their father and I. I mean, it must be hard for BM to be THAT perfect that she can do no wrong. The selfishness will never go away, and I have just learned to pretty much ignore anything she says. Its sad that its gotten to the point that my DH wont talk to her except thru email or text so that everything is documented and we have proof of her crazy rants. She expects for us to do her favors, but when it comes to doing what is best for the kids, its her way or no way. I hope that your SS will have a great time visiting, and hopefully when he goes back home he can tell his brother about it...and maybe he will come around, if not now, someday.

Serendipity07

I definitely hope so - and I hope for the best in your situation too! I cannot believe how similar our BM's sound! DH also NEVER communicates with BM on anything other than email so we have record of it because she's completely NUTS. The last time DH talked to her on the phone about something with youngest SS for a few minutes, it turned into accusations and threats and BM calling DH's BOSS saying she feared for her and the kids safety, etc, etc - totally CRAZY and off the wall.

And that is one of MANY crazy reasons we have a cease and desist order filed against her now.

mrs.freitas

Sounds like yall are definately doing all the right things. I know how those seemingly innocent conversations can turn into accusations, threats, etc. all too well. Its so hard to sit back and take it, but I know that id rather not stoop to her level. Karma will come back one of these days!!

Serendipity07

Yup - I'm a firm believer of karma as well!!!