Favoritism

carrielynn911

Maybe I'm just being sensitive, but I feel like my husband is showing preferential treatment to one of our daughters, and it is bothering me.  He talks and gushes about her, and never mentions the other girl.  Even his mother was saying how one is starting to show a personality and that maybe the other one would catch up later.  Has this happened with any of you?  It is really bugging me.

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have you talked to him about it? I would just mention how you feel - in a nice way - he might have no idea he's doing it... or maybe the one baby is easier and that's why he chooses her?  I know I often picked the "harder" twin when my Dh was home with me- b/c i felt i did a better job with him--- and then worried that I was making it look like i had a favorite- but my reasons were different.

Gray usually gets more attention when we're out - b/c he's the ham... flirts with everyone, and is just more of a character in the funny way... Gibby is more calm and into being one-on-one with mommy... is more nervous around strangers... so people tend to favor Gray when we're not home--- I don't worry about it- I think it all evens out... Gibby gets lots of attention b/c of his big blue eyes and b/c he's chubby which is so cute... And my older son Griffin gets attention b/c of his red hair.... there will always be people who pick one over another for whatever reason --- as long as you are trying not to let it happen at home- i think it's fine.

talk to your DH about it- again- he might have no idea he's doing it... or there might be a reason ... and he can work on it.

i'd talk to MIL also and ask her not to compare them like that- at least not when the babie can hear her... yes they are young now- but it's best to avoid that habit early on - b/c if she's comparing them for life in front of them like that it's bad.

KoCoLoCo

I notice that our girl garners much more attention because she is more engaging and "social."  I know that I catch myself and my husband and everyone else interacting in a playful way with her, or taking more videos of her, etc, and then I feel guilty.  But our son is much "snugglier." So he gets held more and snuggled more.  They also go through different phases, when our son started chattering it was so cute, so I caught us both "chatting" with him more.  I think it really comes and goes in phases and I like to think that it kind of evens itself out, if that helps?

jettagurl

I just typed a long response, then my computer froze....grr! 

Anyhow, I'm with Goldie - maybe say something, but in a total non-confrontational way. Just what you've noticed, and that it is bothering you.  The fact is, they are going to develop at different rates and one will always do something first. Although your MIL is saying only one has a personality so far, they really probably both are showing their personalities, they just may be vastly different.  My two are worlds different, as are the older two. Eli is very laid back, content, not too interactive with someone that is holding him, likes to just hang out and observe.  Gabi is very smiley, giggly, looks right at you, loves her toys, etc.  I think you're always going to love different kids for different reasons.  Natalie is super affectionate...runs to you when you get home, always wants to kiss/hug/pat your back.  Ben is the helper....help in the yard, help daddy fix stuff/do jobs around the house, help me cook.  I think it's normal to prefer one child over others in distinct situations, but like Goldie said, it all evens out.  

BelleBaby

It may just be that his personality and hers "match" better so he is naturally more drawn to her.  Benjamin was always our more difficult baby and I ended up dealing with him because I'm the more patient of the two (between DH and I).  You may just want to say something to him because he might not even realize it. 

Maybe be sure that he's handling both girls at some point during the day so he can bond with the other one.  I'm sure it's nothing intentional and he's probably not even aware of it.

Rinnie

I have the same problem with my DH and my boys are over a year old. 

To be honest it just doesn't happen with my DH it happens with other people also.  My "B" baby is very happy and out going and always has a smile on his face, my "A" baby although a happy baby, you have to work at it with him.  He is slow to warm up to people, but when he does look out as I think he can be a bigger ham then his brother. Baby "A" also tends to scream not cry and has done this since birth.

He tells me that he hasn't bonded with baby A and that son has not bonded to him yet and I told him that is his job to bond with him not the other way around.

I know if I notice it others do also, I will say he has been working on it and he is getting better with it.

I didn't notice until they were older then your girls though.  I make ever attempt to throw them together.  Meaning if we are going to go up and get the boys from their nap - he is responsible for that baby.  If we take them up he is responsible for that baby.

Also, when I first brought it up to him that I noticed the different treatment of the boys he came up with excuses.   Of which I didn't put up with at all.  I told him the boys are individuals and have different personalities.  I also said I am sure if they weren't born as twins you wouldn't treat them that way.

I have to say his mother comment sounds really odd to me, personalities don't catch up they develop.  She is just a different child.

You have to address with him and keep up on it with him.  They will notice it when they get older.

 Good Luck!

 

tiethenot

Ditto BelleBaby. I almost always took our more "diifficult baby" in the beginning b/c I had more patience than my hubby. It kind of made me upset that I thought he was favoring our daughter. I never said anything to him about it, but let it ride out. It is not an issue anymore.  I think maybe my son just overwhelmed a new daddy who had NO experience with kids and he was able to bond easier with my daughter. I can say I don't see any favortism now. Good luck.