Need some advice/opinions, NPR, longish

MamaSmurfette

On Friday, I talked to my mom and she won't tell me what's going on (she said she'd tell me when we come visit next month), but sounds like my parents might be getting divorced. She basically asked if she could come live with us when we move in a few months.

She's a very independent, stubborn person, so for her to ask this, must mean that something is terribly wrong.

Here's the problem:  DH does not want her to live with us (and frankly, I completely see his side).  My mom and I have never been super close, but no issues either.  But, I can't not help her, kwim?  (Then, of course, depending on what's really going on, I have to deal with being seen as taking sides with my mom over my dad.)

I am thinking that I could "hire" my mom to help out around the house, with errands, occassional babysitting and pay her so that she could afford an apartment near us.  That's the best I could come up with that DH sort of will agree to, as long as we can afford it.

But, it just sucks at the moment that I feel like I have to choose between my mom and my husband.

WWYD?

KoriBrett

I would have to know exactly what's going on before I could make that kind of decision.  And then sit down with DH and talk about options. 

littlemermaid

Well, the first thing I would say to her is that DH and I can not make a decision like that unless we know all of the facts.  Once you know everything that is going on then you can help her come up with a plan that will work for everyone.  If you do decide to have her move in, make sure you give her a time frame that she has to be out by.  Do not leave it open ended, make ground rules.  Personally, if she can afford a one bedroom apt somewhere close by that would be the most healthy choice for everyone involved.

EMT

KoriBrett:

I would have to know exactly what's going on before I could make that kind of decision.  And then sit down with DH and talk about options. 

Good advice Kori! 

JOEBunny

I would let her come live with me short term, but she would have to find something else.  My good friends DH left her after 40 years of marriage, she went to Kroger and got a job as a greeter, got health insurance and enough money to live on if she is very careful, and she is (she got the house, but that was it, he lost/spent the money they had saved for retirement). 

MamaSmurfette

I certainly will be finding out the details when we visit in a few weeks.  She's old enough to retire, but has very little if anything saved for retirement.  He controls all their money, so who knows where it's all gone.  I just worry that DH and I won't be able to agree to anything...but, I guess I just need to wait and see what's going on.