Vent.

Jermysgirl

We went to the Children's Museum today...we ALWAYS go upstairs where it's more contained and I stand in front of the door/elevator area and let her go.  Just like the majority of the other moms do.

I understand that DD is a different color than DH and I are, and I understand that people look around, don't see another black person in the room and wonder where her mother is, but I really wish they would think for a minute and realize that we are in Naperville-freaking-IL and no one is going to just drop a 22 month off at the damn Children's Museum and leave her there.  For the love of god.  Then, when I step up from two feet away, they look at me like I'm a crappy mom because I'm not up her butt...even though NONE of the other moms are within 2 feet of their children...but none of those other kids are brown.  I want to broadcast "I got fingerprinted and had to get FBI clearance to have MY kid...how about you?"  Snooty Stepford Wife biotches.

julandjo

Wow.  I understand having a bad day.  But I bet you'll get a whole different feel for things if you strike up a conversation with some of the other moms.  It's just human nature to assume that a black child came with black parents.  For most people, adoption isn't the first thing that comes to mind (or even the second or third thing).  It's not on most people's radars.  Try to give people the benefit of the doubt (unless they do something deliberate/obvious).  Socializing with the other mothers will not only make you feel better; it'll set a great example for the kids as well.  I hope you're feeling better!

GLynn2009

I am sorry this happened to you. Your thoughts are funny though.........

DD has started calling my 16 year daughter mommy sometimes and I get crazy looks in public like I can not believe that your 16 year old has a two year old kid. She gets embrassed and says I am your sister not your mommy......... Sometimes it strikes me as funny.

Jermysgirl

I guess since we live in a multi-racial, multi-cultural area where interracial marriages resulting in biracial kids aren't uncommon, it seems odd to me.  If I saw one small black child in a group of white children, my first assumption would be "Hey, that kid must have a black parent and a white parent" and not "Hey, that child must have a jackwad black parent who thought the Children's Museum was a good babysitter."

julandjo

Jermysgirl:

 If I saw one small black child in a group of white children, my first assumption would be "Hey, that kid must have a black parent and a white parent" and not "Hey, that child must have a jackwad black parent who thought the Children's Museum was a good babysitter."

I know, but unless someone said something to that effect, what makes you assume that's what they're thinking?  Just by the way they looked at you?  Unless we're missing a part of the story, you seem inordinately angry about this.  And that kind of anger/assumption is not only the thing you're upset about in other people, but it will rub off on your daughter much earlier than you'd think.  Consider the possibility that none of those people actually thought such a horrible thing, and were instead concerned for your baby's safety.  Next time you get a look like that, smile and crack a joke with that person.  I'm willing to bet that most of the moms hanging out with their kids at a Children's Museum are more concerned about all the kids' safety than they are about judging you.  

Like anyone else, if I see a young child who doesn't obviously "match" any of the nearby adults, I'm going to be watching that child like a hawk until I know he or she is indeed with a parent.  I suppose it could possibly look to the parent like I'm making assumptions (if that's what they're looking for); I'm only making sure the kid stays safe...

Jermysgirl

exactly, fredalina.  you can tell when people are genuinely curious or when they are giving you the stink eye...and today, it was the stink eye.  i usually dont notice when one person is giving it...but when it is an entire group of gossiping hens, i take notice.

Jermysgirl

also...when i see a child who doesnt match, i assume they have a parent or guardian around and i mind my own knitting.  i assume that their parent or guardian wouldnt appreciate a stranger picking their child up and physically moving them.  i was in full sight of my daughter the whole time and was able to take my child from her in less than five seconds.  why wasnt she manhandling any of the white kids who were five or ten feet from their moms...

vicnik

I'm a lurker...but that is funny.  Look at my daughters.  My oldest is a beautiful brown like my hubby (and is the spitting image of him) and my baby is light-complexioned like me.  You would not believe the looks and 'smiles' I get when I'm with my oldest.  They 'smile' when I catch them staring at us.  And even funnier.... we get a lot more looks when all four of us are walking together.  They look from me, to my daughters, to my hubby, back to me, back to my daughters, back to my hubby.  It's like they're putting a huge puzzle together.  BTW...I'm also african-american even though I've been mistaken for a couple of other nationalities.

We were in the mall one day and my oldest was, no joke, MAYBE 3 feet from me and these two elderly caucasian women stopped dead in their tracks and said to my daughter, 'Where's your mommy?  Honey, are you lost?'  I was speechless, but later laughed like a mad woman.