- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Babies: 0 - 3 Months
jkfranklin
member
Babywise and CIO
jkfranklin
member
So according to Babywise you are supposed to let your baby cry himself to sleep starting at 3 weeks. I thought you shouldn't do this until they are older, like 5 months. Am I misunderstanding something?
Warning
No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Babywise and CIO
Google 'Ezzo"parenting .... Gary Ezzo is a minister -- zero background in child development or psychology. CIO at 3 weeks should never be done.
After reading the book, it seems like common sense to me. I'm not into AP. I think AP causes more problems in LO and wears out the mom.
I'm still rocking DS to sleep, but I don't pick him up right when he starts crying and sometimes he calms himself.
Letting a young baby fuss for a few minutes is one thing, letting them cry for an hour plus is another.
Personally babywise is not my style, but you also don't need to run to the baby every time they make a sound.
This is what we do. I've read babywise and I don't believe that they want you to let your kid cry for an hour plus at that age.
I haven't read any of the older books like toddler wise so I don't know what those have to say. But babywise makes sense to me, you just have to be a parent and not a strict clone. Babies need you to parent them to know when they need to be picked up, burped, changed etc. Being rigid and sticking to exactly what the book says isn't the way to do it.
And in the book it tells you that you need to read your baby and do that. Some people just get caught up in the schedule that they forget to take into consideration the other things that go into the equation
I'm still trying to get thru Babywise, but so far, I don't object to much of it. I'm definitely not an AP type parent. Especially after seeing what hell my friend is going through with her daughter and AP.
We do let C CIO a little bit. Not for extended periods, of course. But he's pretty good at soothing himself already and is close to STTN. (Wakes up once around 1-2 am)
I do think 3 weeks is pretty early. We're just now starting to follow some of the ideas in the book. A book isn't the end-all be-all of parenting. Take from it what you think is appropriate.
I really want to know how attachment parenting (ie: responding to baby's needs in a loving and attentive way) causes "problems" for the baby.
This! Our 2 year old is the most independant and loving kid we know and we give credit to Babywise...we werent psycho about it...we just took a few pointers from it and really think it did a lot of good.
big brothers 12.2009 and 02.2012
Our family blog
I don't understand how it can be dangerous? Like pp said, it's about parenting your baby. You feed LO when they are hungry, but not every time that they cry. There is nothing wrong with a baby crying and AP doesn't allow for this. I believe that babies should learn to soothe themselves and they can't do this if mom does it for them. Here is where you run into problems. I have a friend who AP and he is almost two years old and still not sttn.
Also, I don't understand how the authors being estranged from their adult children has anything to do with their advice on infants.
Not to mention that crying in the early months is not an emotional outburst, it's the baby's only way to communicate. It's not the same as a 4 year old crying because they want a cookie... they are crying to express basic needs.
I have a 2 1/2 week old and a 2 1/2 year old. I would never let either of them cry it out. Part of being a parent is being there when you are needed. For my 2 1/2 week old - unfortunately, his dirty diaper, his hunger, etc - sometimes need to wait a minute or two while I give my 2 1/2 old attention. Him crying for 2 minutes - seems like an eternity to me.
For our 2 1/2 year old - we did our version of CIO out 6 months old. We were told he didn't need to wake anymore to eat at 6 months - so all his waking was from habit. So what we did was came up with a plan - to let him cry 1 min, go in and soothe. Cry 3 minutes, soothe, cry 5 min sooth, 10 min sooth, then 10, 10, 10 etc. We prepared ourselves for the worst and had a glass of wine. We let him cry the one min, then had to go in. Then when waiting for the 3 minutes, he fell asleep. Later that night he woke once and we did the same thing - no feeding him and he fell asleep again after the 3 minute cry. Since then he slept through the night.
Now he only wakes if he's sick or if he's scared of something. But I would say 99% of the time he sleeps through the night.
Good luck!!!
The AAP says it can cause failure to thrive and can create major problems especially if you are breastfeeding. 3 week old babies want what they need. If they are crying its because your child needs something. It might need COMFORT. CIO this young is crazy. You LO might cry because of gas pain or reflux or hunger or fear. It takes more than a few months to acclimate to the world outside the womb.
And STTN doesn't always happen with CIO or AP. Its a lot about the kid. If you don't believe me go ask 6-12.
A 4 week old should not have to soothe him/herself, nor can they. Surely you understand this.
Where exactly did you get your information here? Lemme guess--a pro-AP website, right? There's so much misinformation and theory-bashing on both sides of the AP debate that I don't believe any of the rhetoric any more.
All I know is my best friend is APing and really regrets that decision. Her words, not mine. Her 10-month old freaks if Mommy gets out of her sight for even a second. Dad is not a suitable substitution. Baby cannot sleep in her own bed without a major meltdown so she sleeps in their bed. So husband and wife are miserable, too. Baby demands instant attention 24/7. Does not do well at independent playing. Yes, that could just be the child's demeanor. But I do think AP is not for every child and every parent.
Everyone has different philosophies on how to properly raise a baby. Not every philosophy is perfect and foolproof.. just like every baby is different. As a parent, I take in information from a variety of sources and filter it for what I think is best for my child.
Could you explain more about that statement? I haven't read Babywise, but my understanding is that it suggests an average of 8-10 feedings a day, where as AAP recommends 8-12. Of the quotes from Babywise that I've seen, they all say that if the baby is hungry more frequently, you should absolutely feed as soon as they begin to show hunger cues. I guess that I haven't seen anything drastically different between the recommendations thus far...
Our kids have no problems in the thriving area and I BF our 2 month old at night and use parts of Babywise...I love what it has done for our children, so TO EACH THEIR OWN!
1. Babies have needs beyond the physical. Newborns have a NEED to be close to mama. Ignoring crying at this tender age can cause serious issues with attachment.
2. Babies don't have the ability to self sooth before about four months. Your 4 week old isn't learning to self-sooth, he/she is learning that mama doesn't respond to his/her needs.
3. How easy/difficult a baby is is largely due to personality. I AP and DD is a super easy baby and sleeps fabulously.
4. Babywise is dangerous because of the recommended parent driven feeding schedule. It has led to FTT in babies and a host of other issues.
I seriously don't get following a system that the AAP has advised against.
I think you also have to consider the child's medical needs first and foremost. We were given information as long as the baby is at the weight they should be at for their particular age (be it 3 weeks or 5 months), then it is not medically necessary to feed them at certain intervals in the night.
My mom let her children (myself included) cry it out starting at a very young age. She said the first night was the most horrible night she can remember - she and my dad sat outside my room and cried listening to me cry. But after the first night it was smooth sailing. I think I was 5 or 6 weeks old.
Additionally, Jenny1980, I JUST read the Babywise chapter on feeding last night. Have you actually read the book? I suspect you have not, since your statement about what it says in the book about schedules is fairly inaccurate.
BW promotes a schedule PLUS parental judgement. No where does it say you need to have your infant on a strict schedule. In fact, it says the opposite--a strict schedule is bad for babies.
As I said, I'm not supporting BW or bashing it. But if you're trying to make a valid point, be 100% sure of what you're talking about. If you don't, you're just talking out your azz.
Just because your kids ended up ok doesn't mean that their are not risks with Babywise. The American Academy of Pediatrics made a statement on this based on more than anecdotal evidence.
LOL! You weren't exactly speaking from a place of authority about AP. Unless you think one anecdote makes you an expert.
This is unbelievably sad.
I didn't mean for this to turn into a debate on Babywise vs AP I simply asked a question about Babywise.
Personally Babywise is more my style. I don't think that any method should be followed to the letter and I don't think that it can be. I think Babywise is getting a bad rap for the schedule, but it isn't all about the schedule. I have read most of the book and it says that if baby is hungry, feed him and then try to get back on the schedule. Mostly they emphasize the order of how you do things. Feed/change, wake time, nap time. Most people reverese the last two and it doesn't work that way.
Now LO is crying so I need to go feed him.
that is why you have to know what is best for your LO. If DD wakes up and wants to eat she does I don't withhold anything from her. Just because she ate an hour ago doesn't mean I won't feed her. You have to be flexible.
I believe people that see failure to thrive or have issues with BF on babywise is because they are too strict with the schedule and don't follow the baby's lead.
And yes if the LO needs comfort or has gas or anything else then you should be soothing them.
You have to be the parent, the book/schedule can't be.
This was my understanding too (see previous post).
Also, I don't think a schedule is inherently bad--I still often have to wake DD to feed her, and so technically we're on a "parent-led" feeding schedule, right? If I followed the "rules" of AP, and waited until she gave hunger cues, I wouldn't always get 8 feedings a day.
I think using a schedule without any flexibility could absolutely cause problems, but like I said, I don't think that's actually what Babywise recommends.
Actually, you pretty much invited the debate when you said this:
So I keep reading about these "risks"...what are these risks you keep speaking about?
Article by American Academy of Pediatrics Fellow Dr. Matthew Anney:
https://aapnews.aappublications.org/cgi/content/abstract/14/4/21?ck=nck
Just wanted to point out a couple things-
First, there are more parenting styles than just BW and AP. Most parents do something in between the two extremes.
Second, the AP Ezzo describes is not actually AP. I read BW and was appalled at his misrepresentations and outright lies. One of the biggest problems that I have with his book (and I have a LOT of problems with it) is that he felt the need to slander another parenting style to make his point. I think he was trying to scare parents into listening to him.
FWIW, I am an AP parent and my DS is a very happy, easygoing kid. He sleeps in his own room unless we want him in ours (which is often because we like him there), and our marriage is better than pre-baby. I am not exhausted, nor do I feel like a martyr. His separation anxiety phase lasted a total of 3 days, and now he's fine with me leaving the room because he's confident that I will come back.
(Also, feeding on demand is not feeding every time baby cries. It's feeding every time they want to eat (or want to suck for comfort if you nurse and don't use a pacifier). There's a difference, and AP encourages knowing WHY your baby is crying instead of just sticking your boob in his or her face at every peep).
Can I ask what other literature you've read on infant development?
For the record, I absolutely believe that families need to come up with a plan that best meets their needs. APing certainly isn't right for everyone (and candidly, I think some who subscribe to AP can be a little martyr-ish about it). That said, I strongly feel there are some basic things ALL parents should do and that includes meeting your newborn's physical and emotional needs.
Any book that asserts a newborn should cry it out (and I'm not talking about moms that allow baby to fuss for a couple minutes here) should be tossed because it demonstrates how little the authors know about how babies grow and develop.
LOL! You weren't exactly speaking from a place of authority about AP. Unless you think one anecdote makes you an expert.
You're correct. As I said, a parent should take in information from a variety of sources and judge what is best for his/her child. For some people, AP is just fine. For some people, BW ideas are just fine. No where did I profess to be an expert on anything.
But to come on a site and bash a form of parenting by quoting MISINFORMATION.. that, to me, is bad form.