Designs on you

akalutts

We keep the money separate because he isn't so good with money. I knew this about him, and I married him anyway because the good outweighs this one bad. I just don't see ever sharing an account with him. He doesn't mind getting a little behind on certain things, and ends up paying more in late fees. I do mind, and won't have my money spent on such things.

 

Tim'sWifey

::butts in::

We were married about 3 years before we joined our accounts.

::butts out:: 

DesignsOnYou

That would drive me insane but glad it works for you ;-)

I don't know a lot of people that do this so I always wonder why.

Tim'sWifey

::butts in again::

I find it easier.  Dh's credit union has the bestest online banking.  Ever.  He takes care of it all.

::and out again:: 

DesignsOnYou

Tim'sWifey:

::butts in::

We were married about 3 years before we joined our accounts.

::butts out:: 

How do you pay rent / utilities / etc.? Who pays for what? It's so confusing to me! ;-P

emiliemadison

::butting in too::

I understand not wanting to share accounts with him. However, his willingness to pay late, have late fees, ruin his credit etc *IS* affecting you. Do you have enough income to qualify for a mortgage yourself? Do you each pay half the monthly bills? What happens if he cant come up with his half? Do you pay more? Do you let the accounts (rent? electric? gas? car?) go unpaid because it's supposed to come from his account?

I think what you need to do is help him get back on track. To do this, perhaps YOU should be the one in charge of finances instead of every man for himself (and every women frantically cleaning up behind him). All the money goes into three places- 1) savings, 2) account to pay all bills and 3) a PRE PAID debit card for him for lunches, fun money, etc with a set monthly amount. Once it's gone, it's gone and he has to wait until next month for more. 

It might seem like an allowance, but it's not. It's an insurance policy that he will learn how to either budget the money he has access to or he'll be without any money.

But dont kid yourself into believing that his bad financial decisions wont affect you if you just keep separate accounts.

akalutts

He is basically a "kept man" LOL. I make WAY more money, always will. He runs the household (dinner, cleaning) including everything DD related. He makes enough as a personal trainer to pay his own bills (school loans etc) plus contribute to groceries each month. 

When we TTC, he will be the stay at home dad who works some evenings and weekends when I am home. I already was the stay at home when DD was little, and yeah, it would be nice to do it again, but he will never have the kind of job that provides health insurance- Mine is pretty darn good. We are content with the arrangement.

 

 

emiliemadison

akalutts:

He is basically a "kept man" LOL. I make WAY more money, always will. He runs the household (dinner, cleaning) including everything DD related. He makes enough as a personal trainer to pay his own bills (school loans etc) plus contribute to groceries each month. 

When we TTC, he will be the stay at home dad who works some evenings and weekends when I am home. I already was the stay at home when DD was little, and yeah, it would be nice to do it again, but he will never have the kind of job that provides health insurance- Mine is pretty darn good. We are content with the arrangement.

 

 

Way late getting back to this, but if he's currently behind on his student loans, then is he REALLY contributing? It just seems like you've got one reality but you're telling yourself something else. But it sounds  like him being a SAHD would be a great idea as long as he is on board with that.

I still think this isnt an issue of separate accounts, but for him learning to be accountable for his spending and debts.