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Special Needs
katiekate1974
member
Working moms--how you do it?
katiekate1974
member
I'm not sure if my DS qualifies as SN, but I lurk here a lot and think you are all one bunch of amazing women.
AJ is sick. A lot. Constantly, it seems. Reflux, dehydration, vomiting, pneumonia, you name it, he's had it. So take a lot of time off work for doctor's appointments and just plain sick days. He's sick (has now randomly started vomitting up solid food--but not his formula) again, so we're off to the pedi...again...in the morning. I had to take a 1/2 day today b/c his dc is closed for weather. And he has 2 appoitments with his specialists next week. I have an appointment of my own the week after....
How do I keep this up? How do you juggle work and doctor's appointments? Any advice? I'm not sure where else to ask. So, thank you for any advice you can offfer!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Working moms--how you do it?
It's very hard. I'm lucky in that I have a very understanding principal who gets that DH is deployed and I have to use more leave days than most.
Can your DH split the days with you? Maybe a grandma or grandpa occasionally? Hang in there momma. I hope he feels better soon.
I thankfully have a very understanding employer. I work part-time as an attorney, and do a lot of work for one of the partners who manages the large firm at which I work. Our evaluations are coming up, so I scheduled a meeting with him and a member of the evaluation committee to make sure everyone was aware of why I had a crappy year. He opened the meeting by declaring my failure to meet my hours and overall distraction at work "a mulligan" and committing to working with me to find a schedule that works.
That said, I try to schedule appointments and therapies for the beginning or end of the day. My husband covers some of them. I educated myself on FMLA rights and am not afraid to bring that up if I get any flack (DH has had to use that, I haven't). I work from home at night or, if I am home for the day, when Zach is sleeping. I make myself available via cell for conference calls, making sure everyone knows that there might be child noises in the background. I unfortunately have no family in the area. It is exhausting, and there is no way I could do it if I was full-time.
I am with Jen. I log everything I do in 15 minute increments. I still do 50-60 hour weeks, but just not during typical work hours. I am always avaialble for conference calls, and I work at night.
All my appointments are over lunch or first thing in the morning. I have a nanny who is out of the door at 5 pm every day. It is very tough. A lot of personal things slip through, and I always eat at my desk during a call or a meeting. I never go out at night, because I need to work to make up missed hours.
So far, my employer was very understanding. However, I had a nervous breakdown last week and took sick time, and have surgery tomorrow- so another sick day. Hopefully, they will be patient with me.
Both my husband and I have FMLA, combined with an understanding employer on my end and a lot of helpful relatives that have stepped up to the plate. Without ALL of that, I don't think I could work. I still take off more than the usual. I don't typically take vacation days for vacation or sick days for myself unless I am deathly ill and can't get out of bed. I save them for my kids. I schedule a lot of my kids appt's for the beggining of the day-early as possible, or after work (their ped's office is open until 8 pm) or at lunch time, so I can just use my lunch hour or hour and half, to take them. I work from home some as needed after kids go to bed or on the weekends. It is a crazy, chaotic life, but in order for my ds to get the therapy he needs and the social skills training (he has Autism) at his mainstream preschool, I need to work.
I also feel better going to work because it gives me a break from everything. A day at home with my kids can be exhausting, to say the least.
I am sorry to hear your dc is having a lot of health issues, being SN or not, it can be difficult to manage at times. Hopefully things will get better for you soon.
Well, I stay home... so Im not here to offer advice on that one.
HOWEVER... I see what you have written for your dear child's symptoms of always being sick and I wonder if they've checked for H Pylori. I was told as they were doing the blood draw that we finally just begged and pleaded for to test for Allergies or ANYTHING other than just another stomach virus (likely she had this thing for about 11months prior to finding it) that children at this age don't have H Pylori. Guess what? She did.
She had the reflux... I think that made things worse.... reflux and the presence of something like this can make it even worse... causing aspiration which can help bring about Pneumonia.
I know that's not what this post was about at all, but I went down this road with DD and finally finding out H Pylori when she was 18 months+ was the end to it all. She ended up having 2 bouts of it, and she has been free of sickness ever since (other than the present virus she has, but I'll take that over all the vomiting constantly). So, I have to give you this tidbit in hopes that maybe there is an answer other than just 'he's sick all the time'. If this isn't it, no loss. It is a simple blood draw to see if it is active in his system.
I knew it wasn't just a slew of separate diagnoses, stomach viruses, etc...
*She had reflux
*She vomited in the car
*She went in spurts of vomiting every-other-night ONLY at night, NEVER during the day.
*When it was at its worst, she did a lot of coughing and hiccuping
*She never seemed to get over her random 'stomach viruses' with more than 2-3 weeks in between.
It is so tough, indeed. First off, I have a very understanding employer. Our firm is like a tight-knit family. Second off, when I was taking maternity leave, I proposed an alternative schedule to ensure that clients wouldn't even notice I was gone. My proposal was approved (once again, wonderful employer) and it was extended after I had DS. I work a lot from home and go in 1x / week. My office phone is forwarded to my cell phone and I'm sure no one knows I'm not at my desk.
With appts, DH and I try our very best to schedule early in the morning, and if that doesn't work out, well, DH's employer is also very understanding. DH also has the ability to log in to work from his laptop.
We don't have family in the area who can help us, so we also rely on nurses to care for our lil' guy. (Make friends with anyone in the medical / health care industries... you may need them someday).
OP - sorry, you wanted advice, and I gave you a rant
Well, here is my advice:
- Look into FMLA, talk to your HR, see what can be done
- Work out a flexible schedule if possible (can you work from home? can you work non-standard hours?)
- Offer to log everything you do and show management to develop trust
- Look into another job within your company that requires fewer hours, less travel etc...
- Create schedules for everything
- Block off recurring appointments (therapy) in your calendar. You can still accept a meeting at that time, if you want, but it is not readily available.
- Put all 'chores' on a calendar, so you do not miss this (change oil in your car every 3,000 miles, go to dentist, etc). I have this planned 12 months out.
Best of luck to all of you working moms!!!!!
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This is a good suggestion. Before I did this, I used to get meeting requests for times when I was at therapy (based on people searching for an appt. time on Outlook and seeing that I was "available"). I leave work early each day, and it also helps to block that time off as well so that I don't get a meeting request for 5 PM.
Thank you for all of your replies and suggestions! It's nice to know i'm not the only one who has to juggle it all to make it work. Thank you!
Breezy--he was tested for h pylori when he was 3 months, it was negative. Since then he has had 2 rounds of different antibitotics (last round was just about a month ago)....do you think it's possible it could still be just something that simple? I'd be ecstatic! Right now they're leaning towards one of three things: anatomical; just terrible reflux (I do NOT think this is the case--reflux tends to get better, not worse, you know?); or an enzyme or autoimmune disorder (not digesting food properly). Hopefully all this testing will reveal something. But since you have actual experience with h pylori, do you think I should request the testing again?
Thats a hard question, since I don't know everything that is going on and what the docs have and haven't done. I can offer some experience, but PLEASE take your doctor's advice and words of wisdom and seek second opinions if you don't trust or agree with what they say.
To my knowledge there were 2 very specific antibiotics that DD had to take together for about 3 weeks in length around the clock to get rid of the infection. She had to go on a second round because her symptoms returned shortly. It seems that she is FREE of the nasty thing now (and its been quite a few months.... im thinking aug or sept?)
So, is it possible that 2 rounds of antibiotics wouldn't get rid of it *IF* that were the problem, and I think the answer would be yes.
"Reflux tends to get better, not worse" --- well.... yes and no. H Pylori symptoms don't just show up in everybody infected. There needs to be something else to trigger the reaction/symptoms. For my DD, it was her reflux. And she had it for almost 2 years, and there are days that I am convinced she still does. She just doesn't take daily meds anymore.
She was put on Reflux meds at 2 weeks old and remained until just a few short months ago (she is now 2). When she was little (pre-hpylori) she had the projectile vomiting, low % weight, etc..... but once the HPylori kicked in.... it was a new ballgame. It was as if the girl had a light switch that she could turn on and off for a stomach virus. And it was SO CRAZY. Between my son's a-typical form of autism and this... I thought for SURE the pedi would send me to the looney bin. I mean, vomiting ONLY at night, EVERY OTHER DAY, for a week or more straight and then it goes away for 10 days to 2 weeks and THEN it comes back.
My theory is that when she would get worse, I think there was the reflux, another environmental or food trigger, and then HPylori active and at work in her GI system.
So, its not clear cut.... but based on my experience, I think I'd ask them to do the blood screen. Just because it's in the blood doesn't mean it's active.... but it is possible given the odd situation.
The blood screen can be done as a routine PANEL screening that can check for other things.
It WOULD be nice if it turned out to be this infection instead of some of the other things you mentioned... i really don't know.... but I thought if what we went through could help one other little one out there - I'll stick my neck out there and give it a try.
Feel free to ask other questions. HTH