Surrogacy Shower

DaniLovesPink

A friend of mine is carrying as a surrogate for another family.  I think we should do something for her, to recognize her pregnancy (like a pamper-the-pregnant-lady) type shower, but obviously nothing in which we would shower her with gifts for LO, because she ultimately won't be keeping him.

Any suggestions?

2bMrsAnderson

Didnt they do this on "friends" a long time ago for pheobe

I think they got her all the stuff she couldnt have while pg for her afterwards: wine, coffee. Or all get together and give her a gift cerificate to a pregnancy message and give it to her at group lunch

danilynn17

Is she getting paid to be a surrogate?  If so, I would have a problem with being invited to such a thing.  No one gives me gifts for doing my job

 It would be a different story if she were doing it without being paid for a close friend or family member that was unable to carry their own child for medical reasons.

mysticporter

I think it would be something that would be primarily organized by the family who is taking the baby as a thank you?

At any rate, I would talk to your friend to see how she feels about it.  While I can see the family of the child wanting to do it as a thank you, having other friends throw a party for her for doing it may or may not be something awkward for her.  (Hard to say how she feels about the pregnancy, wanting to celebrate knowing the baby is not going to be hers, that sort of thing).  If it's something she'd appreciate I'd go with something very small/intimate with your close friend group, maybe a spa day or something like that.

megdrew1218

I wouldn't call it a shower. Maybe she'd just like to get together with her friends for a lunch or dinner? You could all go in on a spa package or get her a big basket of fun, pampering things to recognize her pregnancy (lotions, spa certificate, cleaning lady, etc).

But it probably needs to be discussed in detail with your friend first. Even though she is fully aware it is not her baby, it might be hard for her celebrate the pregnancy? Or maybe she doesn't want attention on her? It's very different situation, so you'll need to talk to her and see what she's comfortable with.

serarose

I second those who were suggesting something that would pamper her, and that she would be able to enjoy after she delivers the baby.  I know that I'm sure looking forward to being able to do things like spa treatments (I know there are preg massages, but there are lots of other things that are out of the question for now), drink coffee, enjoy a glass of wine, etc.  Maybe if she has some things that she's given up while she gives this gift of life to someone else, maybe one or some of those things as a gift to toast it afterward would be nice, even if she's told in advance to expect it.  And if it's a gathering, maybe some good friends going to a fabulous lunch and a spa day or whatever permutation of that was reasonable and fun for everyone you'd want to be involved.

hopefulmom

I would not agree if she is being paid to do this.

I would also agree that something to pamper her AFTER baby is delivered...and probably even have a luncheon or whatever AFTER baby is delivered would be best.

Some people would certainly not be on-board with this because they don't agree with surrogacy to begin with.  I think you would just be opening up a whole can of worms...JMO.

RoxyLynn

I think a shower is appropriate for the woman who will raise the baby (if it's her first child), but not for the woman carrying it.  If the surrogate has children then she has had her shower; if not, she can have one when she decides to start a family.

sugarp

I wouldn't throw her any type of shower, but I WOULD pamper the hell out of her after the baby is born! I would buy a gift card to a really nice restaurant, a pedi and manicure, a spa day, champagne, wine, coffee. Put all these things in a basket and have your closest friends get together and take her out for a great night on the town (after she's feeling up for it, of course) How generous of your friend to be doing this...paid or not:)

EastCoastBride

hopefulmom:

I would not agree if she is being paid to do this.

I would also agree that something to pamper her AFTER baby is delivered...and probably even have a luncheon or whatever AFTER baby is delivered would be best.

Some people would certainly not be on-board with this because they don't agree with surrogacy to begin with.  I think you would just be opening up a whole can of worms...JMO.

Ditto.

gringa78

RoxyLynn:

I think a shower is appropriate for the woman who will raise the baby (if it's her first child), but not for the woman carrying it.  If the surrogate has children then she has had her shower; if not, she can have one when she decides to start a family.

This.

jej05

megdrew1218:

I wouldn't call it a shower. Maybe she'd just like to get together with her friends for a lunch or dinner? You could all go in on a spa package or get her a big basket of fun, pampering things to recognize her pregnancy (lotions, spa certificate, cleaning lady, etc).

But it probably needs to be discussed in detail with your friend first. Even though she is fully aware it is not her baby, it might be hard for her celebrate the pregnancy? Or maybe she doesn't want attention on her? It's very different situation, so you'll need to talk to her and see what she's comfortable with.

 This.

LoriZoo

Perhaps you could plan a "pamper" party after the baby is delivered.  She will be full of hormones and not have the benefit of the baby she carried and gave birth to, so something after the baby is born might be most welcomed.  Perhaps hiring someone to perform massages at the party would be good?  We did this for a friend's bachelorette party and it was a big hit.  We all purchased spa gifts for her to use afterward.