Raising multiples vs singleton

shaadi

A coworker (who has twins) was saying today that raising twins is in some way "easier" that raising two singletons. She was mentioning being sleep deprived for a lesser number of months, being able to be on one specific age/phase (easier entertainment, games, etc...). She specifically said something like the effort of raising 1 + 1  is greater than the effort of raising 2.

I was wondering what MoMs think. 

ErinCB

I don't know. I think everything comes with it's own set of challenges.

I went from 1 to 3, since I had my singleton first. And I find the twins much easier to deal with as babies than my DS. And my DS wasn't a "hard" baby, he was just my first baby and I think that's why it was tougher. I've said many, many times that I'm glad I didn't have my twins first b/c it would be tougher to have to learn everything you need to know about babies for 2 than just 1. Like, BFing. I couldn't imagine trying to learn to BF w/ 2. It was tough w/ just 1 (so kudos to the 1st time MoMs that are doing it!) and I feel like I had a head start this time since I knew how to BF already (though we have our issues there too).

But 2 kids is 2 kids, ya know? So when these two get to be toddlers, I'll have TWO 2 year olds to contend with (tantrums, emotional rollercoasters, stubbornness, etc.). I think w/ a 4 year old plus a 2 year old, at least the 4 year old has better communication skills, so you can deal with them on one level and then your 2nd baby on another vs. having 2 2 year olds who can't communicate. IDK, does that make sense?

But, I guess you would get it all "done" at once, so it's only having to go through the trials of it all one time vs. two.

Whatever, LOL! I say parenting is parenting and stuff gets tough either way and stuff is joyful either way!

ZaIrery

I think it really depends on the kids. I've only ever had twins, so can not compare...does your coworker only have twins, or other children as well?

IMHO, I'm very happy with twins - getting all the sleep deprivation etc out of the way in one go, kwim? The only thing I regret is not having as much one on one time with them as I think you could have with 1+1.

lisa&andy

Ditto what the pp said, I think they both come with their own set of difficulty. As a MoM we go through teething, terrible 2's, etc. at the same time, however a mom with a year or more between will be facing terrible 2's and a newborn. I can't compare since we only have the twins, but you adjust with what you have and make it work.

mlgd

Keeping in mind that my LOs are only 6 weeks old...

I understand what she's saying, in that you would only have to go through all the phases of childhood/parenthood once rather than starting over in a few years.  But this is based on the assumption that you have your multiples as your first and only set of children,  Having had a singleton and now having twins, I wouldn't say that I think it's easier, it's just different.  I've said several times about certain things "Oh I don't think (fill in blank) is any harder with two babies, it just takes longer." 

The more experienced MoMs might have a better insight, but I think some parts of parenting twins will be easier than it was with our singleton, but there are and will be challenges we didn't ever have to think about with DS#1. So like I mentioned, I don't think one is easier than the other, it's just a totally different experience.

And I will agree with pp that I'm glad that we had our singleton first.  I've told some friends of mine that I can't imagine how they dealt with the challenges of first-time parenting with not one, but two newborns. At least DH and I feel like we know what we're doing now.

janjag

any given person can only have their own perspective... so of course my opinion is based on my situation... obviously   with that being said, the first 4months with my twins was brutal... incredibly hard.  some of that may have to do with a difficult pg on bedrest followed by c-sect on a body which had been in bed for 5 months, with girls born at 33 1/2 wks, difficulty bfing (not that any of this is THE way with twins, but more common) so that postpartum was so overwhelming. 

a friend of mine who delivered just two weeks after my EDD with her second singleton has had a completely different experience.  it is in my estimation a piece of cake, and i have at times struggled a bit with envy. 

i am now in an "easy bubble" with my girls.  they are sleeping through the night and napping well, they are happy, they aren't crawling yet!  and i am so in love with them

one other thing i will say is that when you have two singletons, there is usually a higher confidence level the second time around.  with twins it hits you like a ton of bricks at every stage... this should get much easier as they get older and are more independent.... i hope.

stillhoping

The first year with multiples is a heck of a lot harder than that of the first year with a healthy singleton. There are more challenges, more things to worry about, and yes a ton less sleep. If your lo's are on a three hours schedule and it takes you an hour to feed, change and get them back to bed then you have if you are lucky two hours of sleep.

 

I would not trade the first year of their lives for anything but I also am not sure I could do it again. (of course I am old now)

 

Now that they are almost six years old I know I have it easier than say someone with a six year old four year old and a baby. I have three on the same schedule, same routine and in the same sports. 

macchiatto

So far, I disagree. Everyone has their own perspective, though. She might be the "glass is always half full" type so she focuses on the positive (and quite possibly has relatively easy babies ).

 

macchiatto

I'm also curious; does she have singletons, too, to compare it with?

Temp159135562506975

there are some aspects of twins that are easier- but i have done both and having one baby at a time is a lot easier all around. 

Yes- it all depends on the child. One colic baby = worse than 2 "good" babies, IMO... so it depends on what your kids are like at each age.

there are certain difficulties unique to multiples that moms of singletons of any age can never understand... that is one thing that is for sure- no matter how easy or difficult your kids are.

boshi799

I really disagree with that. Nothing is harder than having 2 crying newborns at the same time. Nothing. My mom had 3 in 3 years and says that twins is still harder. But I guess everyone has their own experience.

macchiatto

boshi799:

I really disagree with that. Nothing is harder than having 2 crying newborns at the same time. Nothing. My mom had 3 in 3 years and says that twins is still harder. But I guess everyone has their own experience.

Yeah, I agree. My sister had her fourth baby the same month I had my twins. At the time she had a 6-year-old, 4.5-year-old, and 2.5-year-old, and she homeschools, so they're all home all day. And she said she thought that would be way easier than having two newborns. Same as when she had a 19-month-old and a newborn, or a 3.5-year-old, a 2-year-old and a newborn; she thought infant twins were harder than any of those combinations.

I also agree with Goldie about unique challenges that singleton parents will never understand. And personally, I'm sad I never got to have the singleton experience of bonding with one newborn at a time.

But like Belle said, by the time they're school-age I think it would be easier to have the same age (though again, you have unique challenges-same classrooms or separate, at what age, what if one gets way more homework than the other, they realize how unfair that is when they're in the same grade, people comparing them all the time, etc.)