Is it inappropriate for me to ask

taagent

If I can help with my own shower invitations?

Here is the issue, I am hyper organized when it comes to planning events (its an ocd issue) and my MIL who is throwing my shower, not so much - she is more of a laid back last minute kind of person and I love her death but it is driving me insane!

She asked me about 3 weeks ago which of two dates would work better for me and my out of town family.  It is the last weekend of this month and the choice was between Saturday and Sunday.  After speaking with close family members that live out of state I found out that they wouldn't be able to make it, most likely, for various reasons and was told to pick a date that suited me, so I did and told my MIL who said "okay, that's the date!".  She then asked me for a list of names and addresses for invites, and about two weeks ago I sent her the full list via email (not a huge list by any means - had about 10 people on it). 

Since then I have heard NOTHING and my shower is supposed to be in three weeks.  My family members who are out of state have mentioned that they have not received a shower invite yet (their names were on the list with current addresses) and so they didn't know where I was registered and they kept forgetting the date - they want to atleast send a gift (they are very close to me).  My mom who lives in the town next door to my MIL hasn't received an invitation yet either - which means at the very least they haven't been sent out yet, and probably aren't even purchased yet.

So, would it be inappropriate to ask my MIL this weekend if she needs help with sending out the invites or should I just wait till she does it?  I am just worried that people won't get the invites until the week of the shower (which has happened with other family showers) and even though I am telling people who ask me when my shower is that they will have made other plans by the time they get an invitation and no one will be able to attend. 

Am I being horribly rude?  I am grateful that she is willing to do this, it just seems like three weeks is a little close to the event to not have sent out invites yet.

DaniLovesPink

This is a time for you to sit back, relax and let your hostess take control.  However, I do understand your predictament.  What I would do is ask your mom to call MIL.  Have her ask if she could do the invitations, that way it looks like she just wants to help, and not like you are pushy or ungrateful.  Three weeks is okay, you want people to receive the invitations between three and four weeks.

But, I do have some confusion - if you're only sending out ten invitations and a large portion of those people are OOT, it sounds like it's going to be an exceptionally smaller shower, anyway so I would assume most of the remaining people would know about it and wouldn't make plans.

mysticporter

DaniLovesPink:

This is a time for you to sit back, relax and let your hostess take control.  However, I do understand your predictament.  What I would do is ask your mom to call MIL.  Have her ask if she could do the invitations, that way it looks like she just wants to help, and not like you are pushy or ungrateful.  Three weeks is okay, you want people to receive the invitations between three and four weeks.

But, I do have some confusion - if you're only sending out ten invitations and a large portion of those people are OOT, it sounds like it's going to be an exceptionally smaller shower, anyway so I would assume most of the remaining people would know about it and wouldn't make plans.

I agree with all of this, including the confusion?

taagent

I may have been off by the number, I was just trying to explain that the list isn't a big one.  Many of the people invited are family of my DH who do live in the area however I do have a few friends that are on that list and have asked when the shower is.  Much of the family *should* know but that doesn't necessarily mean anything.  The shower isn't going to be huge but with three weeks left I would like for those that are in the area to be able to attend, and since I haven't heard anything about it I am concerned that no one else has either.

I will talk to my mom, besides I would love to be able to have my mom participate (my MIL said she didn't need help when she was asked before) and this way I could have some input into cute invitations that I like!

Jennifer2008

How close are you to your MIL? Could you call her and say -- hey, I'm at a store with adorable invitations that are on clearance - should I pick them up? (a little white lie, but this way it is not pushy or critical). Otherwise, having Mom call is a good plan. And relax and enjoy!

aborgra

I would let her handle the actual invitations.  If you have people asking you about the date and/or registries, you could always send them an email answering their questions so they have it in writing and remind them that they do have an invitation coming.

ToBeFrank

I can't stand all this tip toeing around.

Your MIL is a family member, not some stranger you just met. Yes, call her and ask what you want to know. Or just sit and wait for her to send out the invites 3 days before the shower.

 

navybride06

I helped my mom and MIL with the invites.   I know the internet and they do not.  So I made them and they paid for them and mailed them.

I also made a spreadsheet for the guest list to make it easier for my mom who is the RSVP person, since she will be hearing from DH's family, our family, my friends and DH's work friends.  Invite list was 71 people. 

The help came from being asked and the OCD in me also.  It was welcomed though because neither has done something like this in a while, and I had helped them with the bridal shower also. 

serarose

ToBeFrank:

I can't stand all this tip toeing around.

Your MIL is a family member, not some stranger you just met. Yes, call her and ask what you want to know. Or just sit and wait for her to send out the invites 3 days before the shower.

 

I agree with this!

*LuckyMermaid*

a.) I would refer anyone who asks to your MIL. If you have appropriate contact information for her you can give it to them so that they will call to inquire about invitations. This may spur her to act so that she is not inundated with inquires via the telephone.

b.) Talk to your MIL about it and let her know that there have been some questions and you don't want to leave people hanging. 

c.) RELAX! I know you have the compulsion to super-organize this shower but really its best to just let things happen. 

Hope this helps!