I am being whiny but should be soooo grateful

wille2b

I am so excited for our little boy to come so dont get me wrong!!!! But I am so jealous that bm gets to carry him, and I also want to say we love bm and hang out with her like every week. But everytime i see her belly its like a knife in my heart. I want people to know we are having a baby and its like no one believes it cause i have to tell them cause there is no belly for proof...

I was talking to my boss today about time off after he is born and she was like "what baby" and it was so sad. I want people to congratulate me not tell me how bm will change her mind or how hard it will be if she stays in our life.. I just feel like i cant be 100% excited cause i feel like it has to be this secret in case she changes her mind......i wanna be a normal expectant mom

 whiny vent over.... i love my little boy so much already, i cant imagine how much more i will be in love when i kiss those chocolate cheeks of his!!!

kmkaull

I do hear you.  When I was in your shoes, I had to actively try to change my thinking when these thoughts crept in.

 You are an expectant mom.  Believe it and try your best not to listen to those who are not completely supportive.  I found that *everyone* knows an adoption horror story . . .and they all want to tell you the story.  Eventually, I just had a rehearsed line ready to deliver about how we're staying positive.  Plan and enjoy this time.

 Do your best to deal with the jealousy over being pregnant.  Try to look at the positives--and there are many.  You will also not have to deal with a recovery and will have bounds of energy for a newborn.  After the baby is here, you truly are not going to think about what you missed by not carrying him.  You'll be so in love.

 At just 22 weeks, you have a long way to go.  My advice (not that you asked!) is to guard your heart a little bit.  This is the birth mom's baby until she follows through with the plan.  Focus on her . . . that might help with some of the jealousy and anxiety.

 

WinWed

Hang in there. It's a tough process!! Saying that - I'm so jealous of the match - I guess every point in the process is tough!

wille2b

thanks ladies!! and yes its still early on but we are confident she is very resassuring to us, she tells us almost everyday how she is so excited for him to be born so she can move on and go to school!!! and we just try to do fun stuff with her to stay distracted!! Im mostly grateful, just a little jealous, and a little teeny nervous

Jessie*J

I definetly understand the jealousy as well. I do that still  -- and we aren't even matched yet. I have tons of friends who have no trouble getting pregnant and when we go out they get all this attention over their bellies and it's like no one gets that we are waiting on a call any day ... and that our lives will be changed forever even though i'm not carrying something they can physically see.

I think it's hardest with my family -- because they are not really excited at all for our adoption because they can't see any proof at all.

I hope things continue to go well for you all!!

PSU-NCBride

We didn't really feel the jealousy with H because we matched with him two weeks before he was born. This time its different since she's 20 weeks but I guess I have a different perspective. I feel guilty that here I am enjoying all these things that I know I wouldn't be able to if I was pregnant. Like a PP I would focus on those things. 

The only time I have felt jealous of BM was a few weeks ago on the phone. We were talking about H's cheeks and how everyone wants to pinch them. She laughed and said "yep, those are my cheeks!". Not sure why but that stung. I have the same cheeks and eyes as his BM so it's almost like I forgot I didn't give those to him! Human nature is strange.

I promise that after the delivery you will see the positive of not being the one to give birth. It was so neat how "with it" we were for everything, could get a good night's sleep the night before and not have any recovery. She told us how jealous she was of that. I guess the point is that it is natural and just focus on the positive.