ok, y'all - what do I do?

eclaires

So we are coming out to our close friends now, and I have one friend left to tell.

The problem?  She found out this week that the chances of her and her husband having any more kids is slim to none due to the fact that he had testicular cancer a year or two ago + the treatment.  They had looked into freezing some of his sperm pre-treatment but I think his levels were already so low it wouldn't work [if I remember right].

I had planned on calling her, and I think I still should - to tell her, but I just feel awful sharing our news the week she found this out.  At the same time, she is friends w/ all my other close female friends and there is no way I would tell them and not tell her [I think that would hurt more].

So I should just call her, right?  Ugh...

Kapalua

yeah...call her.  be sensitive-but she's gonna find out eventually and if it were me, I'd feel really awful if everyone knew but they were keeping it from me.

katie277s

Kapalua:

yeah...call her.  be sensitive-but she's gonna find out eventually and if it were me, I'd feel really awful if everyone knew but they were keeping it from me.

This.  

AnnapolisLari

I'd tell her, and probably even own up to the fact that I wasn't sure if I should. I am sure that she'd appreciate the fact that you aren't hiding anything or tiptoeing around the elephant in the room.

Temp108743750006959

sorry about your friend. When I was going through my fertility issues, friend after friend got pregnant. when my best friend told me she was pregnant - I won't lie -- it hurt. But she's my friend and I love her and I was genuinely happy for her. I cried privately. But I didn't avoid her and I wasn't mad or anything like that.

Of course, you cannot anticipate her reaction --- but I can't see how you CAN'T tell her given the circumstances and your close circle.

one thought is one of your other friends can give her a planned 'heads up'...

mlm1128

Yes, you need to call her.  It will be worse if she hears it from someone else.  And she's probably just happy to still have her dh.  I know I would be.

eclaires

I actually think she may be getting the heads up from another friend [the friend who told me about her H] right now, b/c they work out together and other friend called me back right before she was going there, so I just told her and she just told me about the whole no more kids thing. 

I tried to call her just now, but her phone is off [b/c I suspect she is working out].  Oh well, I'll keep trying.

Thanks, guys.

Brewster

I'd send an email, so she is not put on the spot and can process it however she needs to.  She may not be able to be excited right away for you.

eclaires

Brewster:

I'd send an email, so she is not put on the spot and can process it however she needs to.  She may not be able to be excited right away for you.

Ok, so I just sent her an email, b/c her voice mail didn't pick up on her phone, asking her to call me b/c I had some news and I had tried her but wasn't sure her phone would show that.  That way she can call me and maybe feel prepared?  Or at least choose when she hears it.

SLPgirl

Sounds like your plan is good- you could also post on the Success After IF board and get their opinions...

Bellisimo

Yeah, I'd go ahead and tell her.  Otherwise, she's going to find out eventually and may wonder (or have her feeling's hurt) why you chose not to tell her sooner.  I think.  Probably depends on the person and her personality.

minnasmommy

you have to tell her! it will be much harder to hear your news coming from someone else. good luck! sticky situations like that stink. 

fwiw-I'm sure even though she'll probably be envious, she'll be really happy for you!