Scared!

waverunner36

Hi all, I love that the bump has this page! I have two kids from a prev. marriage, now I met this man that is out of this world great! We've talked about getting married and having a baby together. I'm 38, and everyone keeps telling me I'm too old?!? I always wanted to have another baby, always, just didn't find "that guy" again until now.

I already know I have to go through Invitro to have another baby, but can you all help me? I have all theses thoughts going around in my head right now.

1. The age difference, there is a 9 year age diff. between me and this great guy I'm going to marry. Does anyone have this age diff., and if so, how has it worked out for you, any problems because of it?

2. having a baby at my age (38), you think it's crazy? All my friends look at me like I've gone out of my mind. They all say, you have two kids, be grateful. I am grateful, but I want to have one after I get married to this great man, with him. Is that so wrong?!?

3. The Invitro, anyone go through this? If so how many times did you have to go through it before you got preg.? I've heard that it usually take three times, and at 14k a time, that's a lot of money!!

Thank you for any and all help you can send my way!

MrsJordanalmond

hi, and welcome.

first ... don't panic.  i got pg very easily with my first at 38 ... and dh was 47.

second ... if it's crazy at 38, then i'm even crazier trying for a 2nd at 41 ; P

third ... don't put the cart before the horse, you may not need to go down that road at all.

 

good luck! 

hollymichael

Welcome!

1. I don't have the age difference so can't answer this question.

2.  I am 38 and many on this board are late 30's/early 40's. So, if you are crazy, so are all of us. There is nothing wrong with wanting another baby. Don't listen to your friends. Do what feels right to you.

3. I am in the 2ww after my first IVF. I am almost certain it didn't work, so I will likely be doing it a 2nd time. For some it works the first time, but for others it takes more than once. Why do you need to do IVF? Depending on the reason, it may be more or less likely that it would take more than one try.

Good luck!

*Chicken*

1. I'm 8 years older than my husband. The only time I remember that he is younger is when something from the 80's is on. 2. Most of my friends were older when they had kids so I didn't rim onto this problem. You should tell your they are being unsupportive. Women have children at 38 and older all the time. Sheesh! Stick with us we'll be your support.:-) Welcome and good luck. ETA: Sorry that all lumped together my phone doesn't separate. Also, I'm 37 soon to be 38.

waverunner36

Thank you, thank you! I think I'm trading in my oldd friends for you all!

I have to do the IVF, because I have some small problems with my tubes, and the Dr.s told me that if they go into try to fix my tubes, they would have to take away a large percent of them wich would cause more problems then helping anything. So they said the safest way for me to become preg. again would be through IVF. I never had any problems getting preg. before all my problems with my tubes, and had two healthy babies, so I just need a kick start

You all are great! I feel so so much better about this!

Thank you again for the advise!

Take Care Everyone

Mary

 

waverunner36

I laughed my butt off when you said the thing about the 80's! Thankfully my F loves the 80's too....lol He's even got up and started dancing to them, as I was looking on thinking....THIS is MY Man!!! LOL

My family keeps telling me that I need to find a man that is my age all the time, but I love this man to death!

Thank you so much again, I feel so much better.

 

SavedByZero

I only have an answer for #2.  There are many Bumpies on this board who are several years older then you.

Don't listen to what everyone else thinks.  It's what YOU and your DH think that matters.  It's nobody else's business.  

 So, welcome, G&L and congrats on finding 'that guy'!!!!!

CharBart

I don't think anyone on this board would think you are crazy...I didn't get married and start TTC until I was 38.  I say go for it!!

IVF is tricky...make sure you have a clinic with a quality lab...it makes a difference.  I've been through one cycle of IVF that included a FET and you san see the resukts in my siggy.  Your success is greatly dependent on your egg quality and your RE can run a couple of tests to see where you stand.

 Welcome and GL to you!!!

karenannmark

kikibird

Hi waverunner! 

I can totally relate to #1, as my FI is 8 years younger than me (he's 31; I'm 39) and we're just about to get married.  We've been together 7 and a half years and while I wish (for my biology's sake) that things had progressed faster than that (we started dating when I was 31 and he 23 -- how crazy does *that* sound???), we just weren't ready to get married - or have kids - until now. 

Now, if we were closer in age then maybe we would have been ready sooner, but even then, who knows.  So now we'll be TTC this spring and, at the youngest, I'll be the big four-oh (or older) when I deliver.  Am I nervous?  You betcha!  Does nervousness dissuade me?  Not on your life. Maybe it would be different if I already had kids, but it's now or never for me.

It's taken FI a little longer to get on board with it, at present he isn't opposed to letting nature take it's course after the wedding, but hasn't wrapped his head around actively trying... so I have a bit of educating to do (I know too much about my cycles at this point to just "wing it").  Can't say whether that's due to his age, but it is what it is.

I'd just say go with what your heart tells you. 

Nancy6306

You are not crazy at all for wanting to have a child at 38...as many have said, you are as young as you feel. DH and I are six weeks apart and we will both be 39 in the Fall.

I had my oldest daughter a couple months before turning 30 in my first marriage. I was married for ten years and had her the last year we were together. After my divorce, I felt pretty sure that I didn't want anymore children. I had hoped that if I married again, the man I married would also be divorced with children of his own. Clearly God had other plans...I met a wonderful man who had no children AND he really wanted children. He was so good to DD#1 and loved her as his own from the beginning. We were blessed to conceive within a couple of months of being married...DD#2 will be 3 in April.?We are now TTC to conceive what will be our last bambino and hopefully he/she comes sooner than later.?

DH said (on our way to the resort on our honeymoon in DR) that he would be more than open to adopt a child/children if for whatever reason we could not have children of our own. I felt it was very important that we had that conversation early on. My advice to you and any couple would be that you have a similar conversation with the man you plan to marry. IT would be good to sit down with the RE to discuss your chance of success with IVF with him present and to ask him (your fiance) how he would feel if you couldn't have children after you both exhausted all of your options.?

?Congratulations on finding a great guy and best of luck to you in your TTC journey!?

Jilliesmomma

Hi Mary!  Welcome to the board.  I am 39 and ttc #2.  You are not crazy (as everyone else has already said).  Even though my body is not the same as it was when I was 29, I still feel young and feel that I have more to give.  Mommies are getting older and older and more and more wise. 

GL with ttc #3!!!