A choice to make - thoughts? (long)

serarose

Hi everyone - I have the good fortune of being able to pick between two choices but am wavering back and forth about a decision. 

My MIL is great and we get along very well.  On a visit this past weekend she offered to throw a shower for me and talked it through one way, then came up with a new idea the next day saying that she would do whichever I want.  I'm about 1500 miles away from my inlaws and 325 away from my mom, just to set the scene.

option 1: MIL and SIL will come to my town before the baby is born and throw a shower here for us and our good friends.  (We have a tight social circle who come to everything we host & vice-versa, but no one has mentioned a shower yet and they didn't throw us an engagement party or wedding shower, so who knows if they would think to throw a baby shower for us.)  My mom and sister would also be invited.  Planning-wise, I also like the idea of having a shower before the baby arrives so that I know what I still need to get, they might get things for us that we still need, etc.  Also, we'd get to have the time with good friends who share every other part of our lives.  Perhaps they have something up their sleeves, but picking this option would guarantee a celebration with them.  Also, because we live far away from our respective families, we're always the ones to travel for holidays, life event celebrations, etc. and it's tempting to indulge in not being the portable ones this time.

option 2: MIL would fly DH, LO and me down to them at a reasonable time after the baby is born and have a shower with the relatives and good friends of the family.  They are all very sweet people whose company I enjoy, but do not know well yet.  DH's side of the family would all come - they are very faithful about attending family events and family is very important to them.  Also, MIL & FIL have a tight circle of friends who all go to each other's kids' weddings, showers, etc. (and have even appeared to be in competition with each other re: their generosity).  I can tell that my MIL would prefer this option so their good friends and DH's side of the family could meet the baby even though I know that she really would be cool either way.  Much easier to bring us few there than ask everyone trek up here for it.  (We would be bringing the baby down for a visit as soon as we could anyhow since his elderly grandparents aren't well enough to travel here to meet her.)  With this option we'd not only have a family event but would also likely get a ton of help supporting our new life with LO, but it would come after she's born & we'd have gotten much of what we wanted and would potentially have to deal with shipping things home that people brought in person.  Please keep in mind that this is in no way my MIL trying to make the occasion "about her."  These are people DH grew up with and will be part of LO's extended family, biological or not - I just haven't known them for as long yet.

I'm really just grateful and touched to have the offer of a shower.  It's our first baby and we are just so excited - presents are nice, but it's more that it's nice to be fussed over for a little bit and that our baby is being welcomed into important facets of our lives so warmly.  We've tried so hard to get here and weren't even sure for awhile if we could be parents.  My mom is awesome but I'm really not expecting a shower from that side of the family (who are also usually very loving and faithful re: such occasions) - my dad died a few months ago and while mom is tremendously excited for us, I also don't know if she's up for planning something that would require coordinating me to travel quite a distance in late pregnancy or else travel with a newborn.  Also, I threw a shower for my sister (only other sibling) when she had her first baby, but she's actually a few days ahead of me as far as expecting another one so is naturally occupied herself. (I kind of hope that no one gets the idea to throw us a joint shower, but that is a whole other loooong story and will hopefully not need to come up.) 

So basically what I have to choose from is the comfort of friends/no travel to party/probably getting some stuff ahead of the baby vs. pleasure and diplomacy of family/a paid trip that we would have had to make anyway/probably lots of help with baby supplies/after baby comes.  DH & I are wavering between the two and he ultimately wants to do whatever I'd prefer.

Anyhow!  Thanks for letting me get it off my chest.  :-)  Which would you pick?

summerne

I say there is nothing wrong with both since it's 2 different groups of people. That is, if you think  you can swing traveling with an infant.

EastCoastBride

Can you suck up some of the cost and do both - w/ an amendment?

Have the true shower local - have your MIL come to yhou and have the shower there.  Getting stuff ahead really is key, to be honest. I know there are people who only do after, but I would prefer before.

But then, still make a trip home for a "meet the baby" party. NOT a shower.  (Yes, people wil still bring gifts, but that isn't the focus)?

W/ this, yes, you all would need to take up some of the expense - but I don't see why you can't do both, but again- make the focus of the 2nd event about the baby, not it being a shower.  And perhaps offer to help out w/ it so that it's really not on her to throw 2 parties.

pam1005

Have the shower before.  You may not be up for traveling after your baby is born for a while.  

hopefulmom

I would go with a shower after baby is born.  Truthfully newborns don't "need" that much.  It is possible your mom might come through...or even your sister and throw you a shower before the baby is born (especially if they know you aren't having one until after).  Your sister obviously knows there are things you will need to start out with.  My DD had her shower after baby since she didn't know the sex and wanted some gender specific things.  They really didn't get that much ahead of time.  Her baby was 3 weeks when they had the shower.

Or you could do as ECB suggested but I would not expect MIL to host both a shower and a meet the baby party.  You will have to take are of expenses (at the very least) for the meet the baby party.  Like she said the people will bring gifts...mostly clothes and diapers.  lol

northtamarack

EastCoastBride:

Can you suck up some of the cost and do both - w/ an amendment?

Have the true shower local - have your MIL come to yhou and have the shower there.  Getting stuff ahead really is key, to be honest. I know there are people who only do after, but I would prefer before.

But then, still make a trip home for a "meet the baby" party. NOT a shower.  (Yes, people wil still bring gifts, but that isn't the focus)?

W/ this, yes, you all would need to take up some of the expense - but I don't see why you can't do both, but again- make the focus of the 2nd event about the baby, not it being a shower.  And perhaps offer to help out w/ it so that it's really not on her to throw 2 parties.

This is my thought as well.  It seems like it is the best of both worlds.  And as much as your MIL says that she would do either options, I get the sense from your post that she would enjoy showing off this grandbaby to her friends.

serarose

Thanks for all of your thoughts!  I feel a lot more settled about it now, and without me even bringing it up, DH said this morning that he thought we should have it here with our friends too, esp since we'll be taking the kiddo down for a visit as soon as everyone's ready to do it anyway.  And another thought I had was that in his family's tradition they have a baby naming party sometime within the first year (but usually closer to the beginning of said year).  Not being something my family does it hadn't occurred to me before, but it would be the perfect occasion for everyone on his side of the family to meet her and get together to celebrate.  I'm thinking something sweet and simple at the clubhouse or maybe even a picnic on the beach.  For those entitled to more face/squish time (grandma, aunts, etc), we'd see them more often anyway - they all live fairly close together and regularly get together for dinner at my in-laws.

mrsfirefly

That's tough, but if you are sure that you will be travelling shortly after birth anyways, I would go with option 2.  It would be a nice gesture toward MIL's generosity.