We are moving....(long, sorry guys)

betizzle73

And I am UP.SET.

My fiance and I moved into this two bedroom apartment shortly after we found out we were pregnant with Olivia... for the obvious reason of needing a second bedroom for her. We have been talking about this recently, and just came to the decision last night that for financial reasons, we need to downsize again. We are fine with rent and bills etc. for this place, but since we arent going to TTC for a few years, it isn't financially wise to keep this apartment with the extra room. We totally could turn it into a den or whatever... but like I said, financially we'd be better off if we just move. Since he was in the military when we moved here, we were able to sign a lease without having to sign up for a specific amount of time, which means we can move out whenever we want without having to pay to break our lease. I was honestly excited about this at first. I love to decorate, and this would mean that I'd get to do it all over again... and we'll have more money to put towards are honeymoon because of this, etc.

But tonight, Kurt was at work and I went out to dinner with my parents for my dad's birthday, and I totally lost it. I was talking to them about moving, and I realized... we have to box up all of Livie's stuff. Now, obviously I had already realized that this is sometihng that I would have to do eventually... but it's only been two months. I guess I just figured that I'd get to do it slowly, on my own time, whenever it felt comfortable. I'm NOT ready to do it yet. I also know that it's stupid to stay here just because I'm afraid to put some clothes in some boxes. We don't ever even go in there... I look in there every once in a while but thats about it. But the "mommy" part of me just feels like we'll move into a one bedroom, and all of her things will be put away, and it will be like she never even existed. When this happened to my parents, they already owned a home which they bought specifically with the idea of having children there, so they got to keep my sisters things set up for a year until I was born. I ALSO know that all of her "special" things will be kept out and will have their own special place in our new home, wherever that ends up being... but it just won't be the same.

What makes it even worse is that I was so desperately wanting to go out with my family and celebrate my dad's birthday normally, and actually have some attention focused on someone else in the family for the first time since November. He didn't mind at all,but I just feel awful for making his birthday all about me. as usual.

 ugh. vent over. thanks for listening.

kilissa

I can only imagine how difficult it would be for you to move right now.  I am sorry that you haven't been able to put her things away in your time or that you may not put them all out in a new place.  However, something tells me that you will never stop opening that box and think about your daughter when you touch her things.

I also wanted to tell you that I read your blog.  I am literally covered in tears and inspired by the beauty of your story, of Olivia's story.  You have touched my heart. 

EmKo0210

I am so sorry.  I know it has to be really hard thinking about packing all of your daughters things in boxes.  ((HUGS))

 

celestej619

I am so sorry girl. That would be very difficult to have to do. I am sure though that packing up her room will be something that is going to be hard no matter when you do it. When it comes time for that day to come can you maybe have some family or close friends help you do it so that they can offer support etc? Or is it something you feel you'd prefer to do on your own???

(((hugs))) I'll be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

butterfly843

Sending you lots of hugs. We are moving in a few months and I know it is going to be so hard to box up all the baby stuff we bought. Right now I just have the door closed with all the nursery stuff we bought. Perhaps you can have a friend or family member help you pack. I am going to have my sister help me.

petrpn1313

I'm so sorry.  ((hugs))