My whine-y post. Don't read it if you don't want to hear me complain.

juliane2004

It's nights like tonight where I long to remember the days when I wasn't a diabetic. An adult. A wife. A mother.

Imagine laying down in your warm bed on a cold night in January. Imagine closing your eyes as your head reaches your soft pillow. Imaging curling up and feeling cozy & secure with your comforter wrapped around you.

Then imagine remembering that you didn't take your birth control that night yet. Oh, and you forgot your night-time insulin. And did you remember your fast-acting insulin with dinner? Oh yes, you did, right after you tested your blood sugar & began to eat your cold dinner. But what about the bottles? Are there enough to last till morning? Yes. But oops! Not enough to get through tomorrow's afternoon outings. Crap, you have to trek out with the baby in the morning to get more formula first.

I suppose you might think it's just "everyday stuff": making Hailey's bottles daily; testing blood sugars at every meal; giving insulin 4+ times a day; taking 1 measly birth control pill nightly.

But it's not. Not to me. Not on nights like tonight.

Nights where all I want to do is go to sleep.

Instead, I remember all these "little things" that push slumber off. Just by mere minutes, yes, but sometimes it makes me so ... angry. annoyed. tired.

I want to eat dinner when it's ready. I don't want to make it get cold because I have to stop and test my blood sugar and administer insulin. "Well, take your blood sugar and give your insulin while dinner is still cooking.", you say. Sounds like a plan? No. With the baby, I can't just assume I'll eat dinner soon. I made that mistake with breakfast once: tested and gave insulin before breakfast was ready, and then the baby woke up, and I didn't get to eat for hours. This is bad in the Diabetic World. Oh, and forget about my writing down any of my numbers or food or anything. Yeah, my diabetes doc & nurses LOVE this.

I am just so tired of testing and checking and giving insulin and making bottles and feeding the baby and comforting the baby and changing the baby and waking up in the night. Rinse  & repeat.

I love my daughter. That's not what this is about. This is about me needing a break. This is about how I hate when I feel like I have no idea what I'm doing. This is about how I just want to eat a warm meal, with no thought of what or how much I'm eating. This is about how sometimes I think, instead of going home after picking up milk from the store, I'll go to my mom's house or something, just to get away.

My husband doesn't get it. I'm the Mother, so it's my job, right? That's BS. We both made the baby, we both should take care of her. We should trade lives for 1 week. Let's see how he handles things. Maybe then, he'll be more willing to offer (instead of pout when I ask) to give the baby a bath, or feed her the last bottle of the day, or get up at 7 am on Saturday morning when she needs her first.

Maybe then.

PenelopePond

I think I could die and DH would try to get me to change the poopy diaper.

PenelopePond

Well not just poopy diaper...any diaper.  Feed DS, get DS dressed, give DS an extra hug when he's crying.  All too much.  Stupid DHs.

lmoylan

Hang in there, I know it must be tough.  I am not diabetic (my dad is), but I know the feeling of being "ON" when I goto bed.  It pushes off sleep for so long. 

HRALFS

sounds like you need a break!  Tell DH he is on baby duty the rest of the weekend

sgrl

((hugs)) I hope you get a break soon, hon. I hope your husband realizes what a strain you're under.

lynne114

I am so sorry you are having a rough night.  I know it is very tough having a disease that needs constant control of(cant just take the day off from taking meds/insulin).  I have found that atleast once a week i take a bath and lock that bathroom door helps me feel a lot more relaxed.  maybe you can find something that would help things seem better like a bath, mani/pedi, lunch with a girl friend.  you have to remember to take care of yourself, you are worth it