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Babies: 3 - 6 Months
thequeeenbee
member
Thinking about L&D
thequeeenbee
member
Lately, as in the last few weeks, I find myself thinking of labor and delievery all of the time. It's actually starting to be a bit obsessive. I lay in bed at night and replay Ian's birth over and over and over again in my mind, for hours. Sometimes it keeps me from sleeping at all.
And I feel like I have to re-live it. Everytime I watch a show with a live birth in it (like Deliver Me) I start crying hysterically when the baby is pulled out. It's like I have to let myself feel all of the things that I wish I could have felt when DS was born. But L&D was extremely traumatic in my case...and I was just too much in shock, and too scared to feel what I wish I would have felt. I was so traumatized that I was honestly scared of my own baby.
I feel overwhelmed with guilt, and regret, and just wish I could do it all again. I actually dream about having to go through labor again.
My point is, does anyone else ever feel this way? I feel like this is not normal...but I just don't know.
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Re: Thinking about L&D
OMG you descibe what I do to a T !!! I lay in bed all the time and re-live the WHOLE thing. Mine was soooo traumatic and it was 5 days of mind numbing drugs and pain and Dr's and ambulances. I feel like its like post traumatic stress disorder or something LOL I wish I could do it all again and do it RIGHT this time.
Dont feel like your alone....I feel the exact same guilt and regret !
I can relate too.
I really wanted a natural birth. I keep thinking... maybe if I would have went to the hospital later and labored at home longer, maybe if I would have gotten the epi later or not at all, we should have had more sex (just a thought!), I should have walked the halls, everything! If we have anymore, I'm going to try and go as long as I can, maybe even a water birth. We'll see...
Another relater here.
Even though I know now that my body is good at being pregnant, but is not built for giving birth naturally, I still think about the what-ifs. Like, what if I had never had pre-e - would I have gone into labor naturally? Would that have encouraged my body to maybe go through a drastic change or something that could allow me to push DD out? I went through 28 hours of drug-free induced labor, so I sometimes feel like a failure.
And knowing that I cannot ever have a natural birth kinda makes it worse, but I'm getting closer to making peace with it.
First, it is totally natural. I read once that part of the "recovery" process or debriefing from birth is to relive the events in your head. Writing a birth story can be therapeutic. Delivering a baby (no matter how) is traumatic. I remember after my first having an overwhelming sense of accomplishment over what I had just done. I was so proud of myself, and my body. It was truly the first time in my life that I LOVED what my body was, and had done.
I do it too. I can not wait to be pregnant again. I am not good at getting pregnant, but I stay pregnant, and give birth well!!
I've really been thinking about writing my birth story. I think that it might help. Thank you, you helped a lot. All of you ladies did, I don't feel so weird now.
Both of my L&D experiences have been nightmares. During my first C my breathing became too occluded and they had to knock me out.
My second C was 2 mos premature and was a surprise. My guilt over not making it full term and not hearing my daughter cry b/c she couldn't breathe still haunts me. I'm always thinking through this over and over again. I dunno if I will have another baby... I doubt I will. But if I do I really hope that the experience is easier.
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