Need some advice (kinda long)

Daisy525

Ok, so I have this friend who I've been friends with for about 10yrs+ and we are/were close. Ever since we graduated high school she has a tendecy to go through these moods or phases and drop off the face of the planet and ignore any and all phone calls/texts from people. Well, I am the only one who has put up with these phases over the years. She goes through her phase and then out of the blue (months later) calls me up or comes by and apologizes like crazy and I forgive her.

The last time she did this was about 2 years ago I told her how shady she was and that that would be the last time I would accept it. Well fast forward to now and she's going through one of her phases again. We have not spoken in at least 2 months and she sent maybe 2 random texts the other day. I have called her a million times and left numerous voicemails. I'm so tired of this sh!t.

So, my question is: would you forgive her again when she comes back? I realize that maybe she won't ever contact me again and I'm okay with that but I just can't decide if I want to continue this game she plays if does come around.  WWYD?

 

Edit: I forgot to mention she texted me last week AWing her new tattoo and when I tried to take the converation further like asking what she's been up to or how she was doing she never replied.

ttmccoot

talk to her if she calls, but don't make any more effort unless you think she's in danger or something. i think you've done plenty. good luck!

kellyperk85

This is going to come off really shiity but this sounds like addict behavior.  I would be concerned about her. 

dragon_chica

kellyperk85:

This is going to come off really shiity but this sounds like addict behavior.  I would be concerned about her. 

Ditto.  I had a cousin who was clinically depressed and wouldn't contact us or answer his phone or door for months on end.  We kept at it though because we were concerned for his safety.  This may or may not be your friend's case but if you have always valued this relationship you may want to give it one more shot and see what's going on.  If it turns out she's just a big flake then I don't think this friendship is worth holding onto.  BUT, if it's something more serious than you now know and can maybe provide support.

Daisy525

kellyperk85:

This is going to come off really shiity but this sounds like addict behavior.  I would be concerned about her. 

It does totally sound like addict behavior but I know for a 100% fact that she is not an addict. I will say that in the last year or so she has started drinking more....when we used to talk she was always telling me about going out to bars and so on. But since we haven't talked I don't really know what her lifestyle is at the moment and she now lives about 1.5hrs away.

I'm always concerned about her when she does this but I guess now it's come to a point where I just don't know how much more of this back and forth I can take. I can't help someone who doesn't want to help themselves...that is even if she needs it.

 

 

aglenn

I've got one of those, too.  Really I just decided in the end to stop thinking of her as a close friend and just talk to her when I hear from her and otherwise let it go.  I would get my feelings hurt all the time and it just wasn't worth it in the end.  It is sad that we haven't been able to keep our friendship strong, but there's not much I could do about it.

BTW, when she disappears, she is usually up to something she doesn't want to tell me about.  She's not an addict like the PPs suggested, but it's similar behavior.  She's usually up to something unwise with yet another sh!tty boyfriend, in her case. 

Lucky428

kellyperk85:

This is going to come off really shiity but this sounds like addict behavior.  I would be concerned about her. 

Unfortunately, I agree with this.  

Daisy525

aglenn:

I've got one of those, too.  Really I just decided in the end to stop thinking of her as a close friend and just talk to her when I hear from her and otherwise let it go.  I would get my feelings hurt all the time and it just wasn't worth it in the end.  It is sad that we haven't been able to keep our friendship strong, but there's not much I could do about it.

BTW, when she disappears, she is usually up to something she doesn't want to tell me about.  She's not an addict like the PPs suggested, but it's similar behavior.  She's usually up to something unwise with yet another sh!tty boyfriend, in her case. 

This is so true for her too! I forgot abou that...she's always had a string of sh!tty bf's who I have never liked, she's been beat up by some.

I think that's what I'll do. Let go and talk to her when she calls and just accept that we won't be close friends again.

Thanks ladies for the advice!

AZAudiGirl

I hate to admit it but I am exactly like your friend. I drop off the grid all. the. time. I have few friends because of this and the ones I have understand or at least tolerate my behavior. I am not saying that your friend does this for the same reasons I do but here is what's up with me (feel free to flame if you must):

- Time flys and I honestly don't always realize that it really has been 3 mos. since we last talked

- I hate the telephone, so when you call and leave a message you are 90% of the time not going to get a call back

- I am not the best girl friend to have on speed dial but if it is important I will call you back and make every effort to be there for you but sometimes listening to the latest story about your job drama or flavor of the month is just too much for me to handle. I really don't care. Sorry. 

 

 That being said, you have to decide if you like her enough to put up with her behavior. Her pattern is not going to change.

 ETA: I would agree with the depression mentioned in some of the pp, I have dealt with it since high school. Maybe ask her?