Possible Match

We were contacted today by a young lady in North Carolina who is due in July. She was very honest about talking to other families so we aren't getting our hopes up just yet, but we do look forward to talking more with her.

So I'm wondering - she lives in NC and we are in CA. Does she need to find an agency there to take care of the legal end of things for her child? We are not working with an agency and we have interviewed a few adoption attorney's who we really like. It was recommended that we fly the birth mom out to CA for the birth and that way, our adoption attorney would be able to handle the legal end of things without involving a NC agency. Does this make sense? Like I said, we are only talking to the gal right now, but I do need to learn more about this so that we can make sure to understand what's going on, in case our relationship develops. 


Re: Possible Match

  • First of all, congrats on the possibility! How exciting!!

    Those are all really good questions for a laywer. You want to be careful about what you do, because some states have really specific laws about what you can/can't do before it is considered "inappropriate influence." I'm not saying that flying her out to CA would be considered that, but you definitely want to check. I know that almost all states have restrictions on dollar amounts that can spent, and what you can spend money probably a good idea to pick a lawyer and run those questions by him/her.

    Good luck!



  • I agree, speak with your Lawyer and tell him/her where this possible BM is. I know at the info session I attended last weekend they mentioned PA for example you can't even buy a cup of coffee for a BM.  Everything has to go through a third party expense wise. Definitely be careful, but your lawyer should be able to help you. My guess you MAY have to get an agency or Lawyer in NC involved. BUT what do I know 
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  • Thanks gals! I was able to reach our attorney's assistant and they were helpful in providing the information needed. They were also very leery of the situation and encouraged us to be very careful in conversation with the birth mom...and to keep our eyes open for other situations. Not sure how I feel about that, but we will keep on keeping on and hope that this all works out .
  • I think it's fine to adopt an infant in another state, but the concept of flying BM's into another (that is not their home) state makes me leery for a few reasons.

    First, flying late in pregnancy is less than advisable.  A woman planning to place her baby for adoption was recently flying to CA.  The baby was born in-flight and the flight was diverted to Denver.  Technically, the baby was born in CO because of this.  I can only imagine how this would have become an ICPC mess if the BM had not been able to quickly recover and travel on to CA.  I know this is rare. . . but why chance it?

    Second, from an ethical standpoint, I have concerns over flying the BM to a strange place, a hospital she doesn't know, to be surrounded by folks who may not always have HER best interests in mind.  How easy it would be to exert influence over a woman in this fragile position if she decided to parent after all!  I have nightmares about unscrupulous adoption workers threatening to renege on paying her airfare or housing.

    Again, I know both examples may be rare, worst-case scenarios - but it still worries me.  I would rather connect with a good attorney in her home state, deal with the ICPC paperwork, and travel myself than to have her come to our state for my legal convenience.

    2 years TTC with 5 losses, 1 year recovering, 6 months applying for adoption approval, and almost a year waiting for a placement. Then, a miracle BFP at age 36!

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  • We're going through an agency so I'm not sure of the rules around this. I hope it works out of you!
  • If this situation does progress, PM me and I can give you some local resources. We have an excellent attorney. 
  • Im not sure about the legality of it, but I am excited you hae a possible match!  Thats fantastic! 
    Not sure what direction we are headed. Either way, I am up for the ride.
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