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Babies on the Brain
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I wrote my birth story last night.
I posted it but it was late and it's buried. If anyone wants to read it I can repost.
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Re: I wrote my birth story last night.
Important things that really made a huge difference in my pregnancy and birth story:
*In August of 2005 I was injured in a freak accident at work. I bent down to pick something up and when I stood up someone had opened a drawer behind me and I took the sharp corner of the drawer in my lower spine. I didn?t know it at the time but my whole life changed in the second. Within 2 days I couldn?t walk and was taken to the hospital. My husband and I had been planning an Oct wedding and were planning on TTC right away. Both got put on hold while I entered into a long string of dr appts, physical therapy and surgical injections trying to figure out the extent of the damage. My husband and I were able to get married in March of 06 but I was in severe pain and had my first of 2 major back surgeries only 2 months later. When that surgery didn?t work I was scheduled for a low back spinal fusion in Oct on 06. Recovery time is one full year. I spent most of 2006 and a better part of both 05 and 07 on bed rest. As soon as we got the all clear we were able to start TTC. We actually found out we were having Kate a few months before my surgeon would have wanted us to get pg, but he said some things happen for a reason. =0)
*I am a sexual abuse survivor. I did my therapy. Moved on and thought I was okay. I even helped people who were struggling come to terms with what had happened to them. I was ready for anything that might come up when I was pg with my first. Nothing happened so I thought I was in the clear. WRONG! For some reason my pg with Kate brought up a ton of junk. I sunk into a very deep depression and was having panic attacks. My wonderful husband and doula helped me find help. I found a counselor and read the book When Survivors Give Birth. If you or anyone you know is pregnant and has been abused in the past they MUST read this book.
So?now that you have the background here is my story.
36 week appointment. My back was so sore. Worse then it had been all along. I don?t know how to put into words the pain. But it was intense and the nerves were so inflamed that I could not feel either of my feet most of the time and could never feel the toes on my right foot. Nothing was helping except for the meds and I hate taking anything while pregnant. My MW had already talked to an OB and they had both agreed that my spine was having a hard time with the weight of the baby and that we would have to induce me at 38 wks. I was totally okay with that and was looking forward to scheduling the induction so I could know that an end to my pain was near. I was not ready for what happened next.
My MW and I were chatting. She asked me if I had talked to the counselor about my birth plan and if I was okay. She started the internal and then I knew something was wrong. She looked at me and asked if things had felt different. I said I thought that the baby might be in a funky position because my back hurt so bad. She said I was right and that she was pretty darn sure that Kate was breech. Off to the hospital for an u/s I went.
It was confirmed that Kate had flipped. She had been head down the week before so this was new. Great. Now what did I do? I called my doula and a bunch of other people. I did a TON of research. I lived on spinningbabies.com. We met with the OB and he said that with my back and the way the baby was sitting he gave a Version about a 10-30% chance of working. Not good enough odds in my book. So we scheduled the C-Section for 4/7/08.
In typical Amy fashion, I took control over what I could. I had to give up the idea of my all natural water birth and needed to do what I could to make my C-Section birth as peaceful as I could. I did research and wrote a really comprehensive C-Section birth plan. I talked to my MW, Doulas and Dr about the fact that I was a sexual abuse survivor and that I was having serious PTSD issues from that abuse. I had a plan and I had a great support system. Thank God I did! I so needed them.
We arrived at the hospital and my mom met us there to take care of our son. We met with our L&D nurse and went over our birth plan. I made sure to tell her that we weren?t rigid in what we wanted; just this was a list of preferences. She was amazing and said that she loved my birth plan and would do everything she could to make it all happen.
They wheeled me down into the waiting area and this is where it gets hard. Looking back I wish I would have written in my birth plan that I was a survivor. It was hard for me to put it in writing so that plan was for my doula to pull aside any staff that didn?t know and tell them. But there was some confusion about when my doula could join me and the staff was crazy busy so there were some people who didn?t know. Instead of talking me though each procedure and telling me that they were going to do something BEFORE they touched me I had all of these strangers touching my body. Then a stupid nurse infiltrated my IV and when I told her something felt wrong she hid my hand so I couldn?t see it. I was so scared and started getting really anxious. My dh took aside one of the nurses and explained and she totally took control, got my doula in with me and made sure that the staff knew that I was going to be okay as long as they told me what they were doing and asked permission before touching. Not too much to ask for if you ask me.
Then the wheeled me into the OR. The anesthesiologist came in and attempted the spinal. We already knew that it might be a hard one to do. NOTHING prepared me for how bad it was. WAY worse then my unmedicated labor with my son. My doula was there and kept telling me that this was my transition and that I could do this for my baby. But it hurt SO BAD! They kept trying and poking and missing. The pain from the needle sent searing pain up and down my spine, into my neck and down my legs. They had me move into different positions. There was an amazing male nurse who worked with my doula (he actually knew my doula?s mom & grandma and wasn?t supposed to work that day?my grandma was watching from Heaven and sent him to us because we needed him) and together they help me while I leaned forward off the edge of the table and they gave it one last shot before they gave up and put me under. My doula and this nurse kept telling me how strong I was and that it would be over soon. It worked and after I don?t know how many pokes and a good 15 or so minutes the spinal was in.
They helped me lay down and started to prep me. The male nurse went to get my dh and my doula stayed with me to help keep me calm. She kept telling me that I was finally going to get to see Kate. Then the nurse anesthetist starting tying down my arms! It said in my birth plan not to. I lost it. I started begging and crying for her not to do that. My doula told her she couldn?t. The nurse argued and said it was standard procedure. My doula told her we had permission from the dr. And here is where it all becomes fuzzy for me. I had a complete flash back to when I was a kid. I remember my doula telling the nurse that she needed to untie me and I kind of remember the nurse telling me that the dr was scrubbing up and he hadn?t told her ok. Then I remember promising IO?b be good and do whatever they asked me it they?d untie me. I can hear myself begging and promising that I wouldn?t tell anyone and that I?d keep it a secret. I remember feeling like I was 7 years old again and helpless and scared. FINALLY they started to untie me. I know my doula had gotten into a big time pissing match and won. By this point my dh was back and it took another 15 minutes for him and my doula to scrape me back together so that I was okay enough to come out of my shell.
By this point my L&D nurse had come down to be there with us and the dr had started. The actual surgery didn?t take too long and went okay. Kate came out really quicky and we were all surprised at how small she was. She was only 5lbs 9oz. But she scored 9s on both her APGARS. The OB joked that only drs kids were allowed to get 10s. My dh got to cut the cord and my L&D nurse rocked the world over because she took Kate and put her right on my chest. The nurse didn?t ask permission, she just did it. The nurse anesthetist wasn?t too happy but no one cared. I got to hold my baby!
After a few minutes they took Kate to clean her up and then they started to stictch me up. I got the shakes from the drugs they gave me so bad it looked like I was having a seizure. But after a few minutes that calmed down and I felt better. I was feeling better mentally too and even asked my doula to call and ask about my dad ASAP. My dad had what they thought might be a minor heart attack the night before the Section. The dr was so shocked that I was asking about my dad AND that I had still had my surgery with my dad in the hospital. But my dad had made me promise not to change it so I didn?t.
After they got me all stitched up they took me back to my room where Kate was waiting. I was able to nurse her right away. She was so tiny and so beautiful. We both nursed and then got some rest. I wasn?t feeling any pain yet but boy did I feel it a few hours later! Some of my recovery nurses weren?t very sympathetic and I don?t think that they quite got that I had major abdominal surgery not too long before I got pg so things weren?t the normal recovery. I kept telling them my incision hurt a ton. They all said it was normal. Finally after a few days I just wanted to go home and deal with it there. Once we got home I looked at my incision and realized that something wasn?t right. The area around my incision was bright red with little blisters! WTF? I had my dh look and we called the nurse line. They had me take massive amounts of benadryl and said it was likely an allergic reaction to something. I saw my regular dr (not the OB) the next day and he said I was allergic to the steri-strips! Yowsa! So on top of recovering from birth, a C-Section and my body being in so much pain from my back I had a nice nasty chemical burn from 2 inches above my incision to my thighs! Luckily I have a good dr and we were able to get the burn to clear up using mostly natural healing techniques. And Kate is worth all of it!
Not that we are ever doing this again. I love being a mommy but all of my drs and MW agree that my back can not withstand another pg. With the help of my doula I also came to terms with the fact that I really think Kate flipped breech so late because she knew something we didn?t. She knew that my back just wasn?t strong enough to have her vaginally. And we are both much healthier now that she is an outside baby.
Oh?and as strong of a supporter as I am of having a doula for a vaginal birth, I am doubly as strong a supporter that you should have a doula for a C-Section. My doula helped me to be conscious and mentally there for my babies birth and was a huge support for me. She knows that I will thank her for that for the rest of my life.
I am so happy in the end everything worked out.
It's amazing how we sometimes just expect things to go a certain way, but they go completely different.
When and if I concieve I will be having a planned c-section.
Is it really standard procedure to tie down your arms during C section? That scares the sh*t out of me! Will they make an acception if you are claustrophobic?