Shower and MIL vent (long)

xellie13x

To start off with, my MIL is usually really great. A little pushy here and there, but she's a great woman.

But with this shower, she's gone mad, I think. She, my mom, and my sister are hosting my shower, and the decided to go equal parts on it. Well, so far my mother and sister have contributed more financially, and my MIL doesn't seem to really want to contribute anymore. That normally wouldn't bother me, but she is also not doing any of the running, my mom and sister are. She basically gave us $100 to start off with, sent out invitations to her side of the family, and that's it.

My mother called her yesterday to see if she was planning on contributing anything else, but the call went to voicemail and then she never called back, even after she'd been on Facebook. I just don't know what to do, I appreciate everything everyone is doing for me in regards to the shower, but I don't want my mom and sister to have to foot the bill for everything when that was not what they agreed on.

 Has anyone else had this type of problem? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

EastCoastBride

Stay out of it.  This is for your mom and sister to deal with, not you. 

Also, who exactly decided to go in equal parts?  Was it a true "yes, we all agree!", or was this a suggestion made by your mom and sister and your MIL felt she had to agree? 

Lastly, where I live and the showers we throw, $100 as an "equal part" (meaning the whole shower costs $300) is actualy realistic.  We throw it at someones home and make the food ourselves.  The main cost is decorations, invitations,and perhaps a few prizes.

So maybe when your MIL agreed to "equal parts", she thought $100 would be enough.

Mama_SAS

EastCoastBride:

Stay out of it.  This is for your mom and sister to deal with, not you. 

Also, who exactly decided to go in equal parts?  Was it a true "yes, we all agree!", or was this a suggestion made by your mom and sister and your MIL felt she had to agree? 

Lastly, where I live and the showers we throw, $100 as an "equal part" (meaning the whole shower costs $300) is actualy realistic.  We throw it at someones home and make the food ourselves.  The main cost is decorations, invitations,and perhaps a few prizes.

So maybe when your MIL agreed to "equal parts", she thought $100 would be enough.

I agree. Also your MIL probably should be doing more of the "work" - but it is not for you to get involved in! As far as money goes - if your mother & sister are spending a lot more money than your MIL expected/agreed on then she has every right to refuse to pay more money. And you need to stay out of it.

I suggest politely telling your mom & sis that they need to fight their own battle and you don't want to hear about it anymore. You don't need the stress and you want to show up, enjoy your shower, and not worry about the issues between your hosts. GL

ETA: if you cannot find a polite way to say this to your mom & sis then just listen when they complain but don't get involved any further. There is no need to fight with your family about it.

jiffy-pop

It seems fair to me. $100 is a lot to contribute to a shower, I think. But if you think she is not doing enough, maybe you should do a few things here and there to pick up the slack.

DaniLovesPink

This is not your burden to bear.  You need to let your mom and sister deal with it.  If you MIL refuses to return calls, she will be in your life for many years and your mother and sister will have a chance to confront her eventually (if they choose).  Also, you should be grateful and show her appreciation for what she has done.  If you're doing hostess gifts, she needs to get one.  While it doesn't seem like much to you, many girls in here have MIL's who don't have any part in their baby shower, so you should be grateful she's done what she has, even if it's not up to your family's standards.

mrsmegs06

EastCoastBride:

Stay out of it.  This is for your mom and sister to deal with, not you. 

Also, who exactly decided to go in equal parts?  Was it a true "yes, we all agree!", or was this a suggestion made by your mom and sister and your MIL felt she had to agree? 

Lastly, where I live and the showers we throw, $100 as an "equal part" (meaning the whole shower costs $300) is actualy realistic.  We throw it at someones home and make the food ourselves.  The main cost is decorations, invitations,and perhaps a few prizes.

So maybe when your MIL agreed to "equal parts", she thought $100 would be enough.

I 100% agree.

mysticporter

EastCoastBride:

Stay out of it.  This is for your mom and sister to deal with, not you. 

Also, who exactly decided to go in equal parts?  Was it a true "yes, we all agree!", or was this a suggestion made by your mom and sister and your MIL felt she had to agree? 

Lastly, where I live and the showers we throw, $100 as an "equal part" (meaning the whole shower costs $300) is actualy realistic.  We throw it at someones home and make the food ourselves.  The main cost is decorations, invitations,and perhaps a few prizes.

So maybe when your MIL agreed to "equal parts", she thought $100 would be enough.

I agree here completely.  It's very hard to know the full dynamics of this situation.  For example, you said your mom/SIL were doing the 'running'...does that mean they basically have planned the whole thing without MIL's input? Perhaps MIL contributed money and thought she'd be more involved in the decision making, and intentionally or not has felt like your family decided to run the show, so she's withdrawing.  $300 to plan a shower is a ton by the standards my friends and I have.  I'd be pretty irritated if I threw in $100, and had someone coming back for more.

At any rate, it doesn't matter...stay out of it. 

jenfurleigh

Geez, how much more than 100 bucks is she expected to contribute?! This is a one day (probably 2-3 hour) party to celebrate a baby coming into the world.  You will be getting gifts. I am sure your mother in law will want to get the baby some things as well, not spend all her money on a one day event.  But if someone was hounding me for more money for a shower I would be put off and think that you and your side of the family are greedy.(even if that is not the case)

My advice is to tell your mom and sister to appreciate what your MIL has already done and then you should stay out of it.

 

h2babe

I think $100 is probably plenty; and she may even spend more in the future for gifts for the baby. If your mom and sister need more cash; I would probably just offer to make up the difference--and stay out of it.

I usually spend about $400-$500 when I throw a Christmas party; and a lot it goes to alcohol. I think you will get a pretty nice shower for $300 (prep your own food, have it at someone's home so no rental required for the location and the furniture, invites, decors, cake, prizes and favors).

 

scubaspot

EastCoastBride:

Stay out of it.  This is for your mom and sister to deal with, not you. 

Also, who exactly decided to go in equal parts?  Was it a true "yes, we all agree!", or was this a suggestion made by your mom and sister and your MIL felt she had to agree? 

Lastly, where I live and the showers we throw, $100 as an "equal part" (meaning the whole shower costs $300) is actualy realistic.  We throw it at someones home and make the food ourselves.  The main cost is decorations, invitations,and perhaps a few prizes.

So maybe when your MIL agreed to "equal parts", she thought $100 would be enough.

I agree with this. I know that I could throw a really awesome shower for $300 and unless your mom and sister are planning on having it at the country club I see no reason why $300 shouldn't cover the cost.

It sounds like your mom and sister may have ran with this and never really included you MIL in the planning.

I would stay out of it, it isn't your problem.

K.a.T.e

Stay out of it. 

It sucks that your mom told you all the drama yesterday about her calling your MIL, no return call, etc. etc.  It's not your job to take sides or be the middle manager.  

xellie13x

For those saying that I need to be grateful, I am very, very grateful to all my hostesses, including my MIL. I wasn't expecting a shower at all, but they all pulled in to throw me one.

The thing is about the money... This shower is going to be HUGE. And that is mostly my MIL's fault. She invited 50+ people ALONE, including people that DH and I have never met from her church and other organizations, which to me seems kind of gift-grabby. Of course, since she is one of my hostesses, I didn't want to seem ungrateful, so I kept my mouth shut. My mom and sister only invited 30, all of which are planning on coming, as they are all family and very close friends.I never wanted this big of a shower, but I have not complained once.

It was MIL's idea to have a joint shower, I just don't think it's fair to my mother and sister to have to pick up the slack when more than half of the guests are from her side. She told my mother that if they needed more money, to just tell her. She has been included on every single part of the decision making process, as far as I can tell. And I have been helping as much as I can, I'm on bed rest and I can't drive due to the fact I have seizures.

But thanks for the great advice, ladies. I definitely appreciate it. I'm going to stay out of it and just hope for the best that they can all work this out between themselves without any major damage.

PrincessJesci

You don't do anything. This is between the people coordinating the shower in your honor. They shouldn't even bring this up with you.

cajungirl0717

EastCoastBride:

Stay out of it.  This is for your mom and sister to deal with, not you. 

Also, who exactly decided to go in equal parts?  Was it a true "yes, we all agree!", or was this a suggestion made by your mom and sister and your MIL felt she had to agree? 

Lastly, where I live and the showers we throw, $100 as an "equal part" (meaning the whole shower costs $300) is actualy realistic.  We throw it at someones home and make the food ourselves.  The main cost is decorations, invitations,and perhaps a few prizes.

So maybe when your MIL agreed to "equal parts", she thought $100 would be enough.

This