It's like I'm only happy if I dream - and when I wake up, it's this constant numbness. I love my LO, but I'm always alone, and DH does not help. He just gets mad, because I'm supposed to "think positive." I dunno what to look forward to these days after I had to drop out of this upcoming semester because of finances and LO's lack of proper daycare. I don't have family here, no close friends. I'm so damned tired all the time. I keep trying not to be sad, but it just is there.
"Develop an interest in life as you see it; in people, things, literature, music -- the world is so rich, simply throbbing with rich treasures, beautiful souls, and interesting people. Forget yourself." - Henry Miller
Re: Some days I don't want to wake up
I'm sorry. Maybe try meetup.com or a local Gymboree type class? Just getting out of the house and meeting other people helps.
Is getting a job and putting DD in daycare an option? I, for one, am not cut out for being a SAHM and it is ok to admit that. I am a much better person since I work FT.
((((hugs)))
I dont have a regular doctor any more. LO is on MediCal, but DH and I don't have healthcare at the moment. I don't know if there is any public assistance for PPD.
I used to try to fill each day with activity to try to keep numb but busy. Now, everything feels so automatic, I don't FEEL anything.
It's the same for me - I think all these things and don't say anything. If I say anything outloud to DH, he just gets mad or says I'm being crazy for thinking this or that.
Try searching for free counseling services in your area. I know my college offered this to the community. Also, call the hospital you delivered at.or a local church. Maybe they have a PPD or new mom's support group you could join for free or fairly cheap. Having a support system is crucial, but it can be hard when you are so far away from everyone you know. It sounds like your DH could benefit from going to a group meeting, too. Hopefully he would do that for you so that he can see how common this sort of thing is, and that it is nothing to be ashamed of, but that it requires support and understanding from him.
Good luck to you!
((HUGS))