Am I just being a jerk?

Lauren9881

So my mom is throwing my shower, and she recently asked me what my plans were for April 10 because thats when she wants to have my shower. I personally think it is pushing it too late, since that is only 4 weeks before my EDD. When i told her my concerns she said "no you'll be fine." Apparently this is the best time for her and her friends....

Am I a jerk in being pissed off/hurt that it is being worked around other peoples schedules and preferences instead of mine? I mean, I don't want to be ungrateful but... what if I get put on bedrest or go early (god forbid!) I also would like to have more than 4wks to put stuff together and formulate a plan for buying any remaining items.

Honest opinions?

taagent

Eh, mine is 5 weeks before my EDD and I just have this feeling I will not make it to my EDD.  I wanted to have mine next month for the same reasons you want yours earlier, mine is now the last weekend of February.  I have just decided to buy what I want and need immediately and if I get doubles of things I will just take them back and get what I am missing.  Your timing should be important but at the same time, but you want people to actually attend and for it to be a good date for the host as well.

BarbieNCSU

In my opinion I wouldn't be happy either. I know everyone preaches that you should be completely grateful for one - HOWEVER - in my area when we throw a shower - wedding, baby, etc. it is for the guest of honor thus we try to plan things around that person. If they really want a certain meal or type of drink then we plan to serve that item. Every shower I have planned  the person being honored has been included to ensure that she is really going to enjoy her special day - especially making sure it is a good date for her and all of the hostesses.

As for the time frame - I am one who thinks the sooner the better. You have no idea when you could end up having the baby and lord knows it is going to take a few days to go through all of the shower gifts, put them away, and take anything back.

alabaster_angel

I think in this situation the most important thing is getting a good turnout.

HopingForOne

I don't know.

I feel that the date should be AS convenient for the host as the mom-to-be - because they are throwing the shower and I think it's fair for them to be happy with the date.

However, I think that they should have involved you more in the date selection, unless that really was the ONLY possible date that worked for all of the hosts.

robinsokj

I might be flamed for this, but...

after consulting with other moms of multiples I realized that I needed to have my shower EARLY.  Instead of waiting on someone to offer to throw it, I first went to the most likely person to throw one and said, "if I were to have a shower I should have it around such and such time frame."

I think you should be comfortable at your shower.  Also, I've known multiple people who miss their shower because they go early or end up in the hospital.  I would express such concerns to the head host and see if the issue can be resolved.

EastCoastBride

Then tell her April 10th isn't good for you. Don't argue. Just say "Nope, that date isn't good".

HJLT

I'm having mine at 27 weeks, so my sister can be there, but I've heard of many ladies having it 1 month prior.  IMHO, I thought that is when they all were.  I would take one day at a time and see how it goes.  Have you maybe had problems where bedrest would be a likely scenario?

mysticporter

I understand where you're coming from.  4 weeks isn't much time to take care of buying items that aren't bought for the shower.  At the same time, if they can't do it earlier, they can't do it earlier.  Easy solution, though:  buy the essentials when you want, and the shower attendees can chose from the non-essential items.  It may mean you have to buy more of the essentials, but so be it (after all, a shower is a perk, not a guarantee).  You can always tell your mom your plan, and she *may* reconsider at that point, but don't tell her just to get her to change the plans.

Lauren9881

Thanks guys..sometimes its hard to tell if i'm just being hormonal. I have no reason to believe I'll go early, but realize that its always a possibility. It's not my mom that is unable to do it any other date, its some of her friends. I'm tryingto be sensitive to her wants/needs and now sound like im being ungreatful. Thank you for the suggestions!

ak1234

My shower was at 26 weeks.  It was perfect timing for me.  I had a cute bump, I felt great, and it gave us time to return/exchange/purchase what we didn't get.  Having a shower at 36 weeks would have seriously been a no-go for me, and trying to return stuff and purchase still needed items would have been a nightmare.

I would ask her to move the date up a bit.

Tina562

i thought it was too late but i got over it, im having mine at 35 weeks! im pretty sure you will be fine.

mrstarawalsh

I think you'll be fine. IMO you should be planning to buy most of the essentials anyway and not be relying on others to do so. I had my last baby shower 4 weeks before I delivered. Just start saving up money so that after the shower you'll have all the money there to just go in and buy whatever you need in one shot.

ScoutYoho

Also having mine at 35 weeks...I think it will be fine. 5 weeks is a lot of time to buy the rest of the essentials, i think. Plus baby will probably be fashionably late.

 

 

ChristinaD09

My big shower (thrown by DH's family) is also at 36 weeks.  No one asked me really.  Just asked if that date would work.  And I said yes, because of course it would.  I just don't think others think about  how late that really is.  I didn't feel comfortable asking them to change the date, because the week before would not have worked as it was Easter, and anyway I didn't think they really were giving me much of an option in the matter.  Oh well, I'm sure the baby won't be even close to being here.  And I did buy most everything we need already anyway, with the anticipation that whatever I get at the shower can be used by us and the craigslist purchases I already have can go to MIL's. 

*LuckyMermaid*

Lauren9881:

So my mom is throwing my shower, and she recently asked me what my plans were for April 10 because thats when she wants to have my shower. I personally think it is pushing it too late, since that is only 4 weeks before my EDD. When i told her my concerns she said "no you'll be fine." Apparently this is the best time for her and her friends....

Am I a jerk in being pissed off/hurt that it is being worked around other peoples schedules and preferences instead of mine? I mean, I don't want to be ungrateful but... what if I get put on bedrest or go early (god forbid!) I also would like to have more than 4wks to put stuff together and formulate a plan for buying any remaining items.

Honest opinions?

I think someone told me that it is the person planning the event that should determine the date/time etc. They are hosting the event in their home and so they should be able to determine the appropriate date/time. 

That being said, I think that a whole month before you EDD should be plenty of time...