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Parenting
BubblyToes
member
I just spanked my child.
BubblyToes
member
in Parenting
I am so against spanking. I just totally lost control. He was fighting bedtime, he would NOT put his pajamas on. He was kicking, hitting, and trying to bite me. He was screaming uncontrollably, wouldn't listen at all. I totally lost it and spanked him.
It didn't phase him. He was so out of control already that it didn't even phase him.
I feel horrible. I always said I would NEVER lose control and scream at my child the way I just did. I said I would NEVER spank my child. I won't do it again, I know that much. I see how completely and totally ineffective it is.
This bedtime nightmare is going to be the death of me. I cannot deal with this. Every. Single. Night. This is hellish.
And if you feel like flaming me, save your breath. I already feel likeshit.
Kill all my demons and my angels might die too. -Tennessee Williams
You take my ovaries, I take your yarns.
You take my ovaries, I take your yarns.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: I just spanked my child.
no flames from me! I'm kinda dealing with the same issue!
(((((HUGS)))))
((HUGS)) No flames here. Have one of these
instead!
I think it happens to all of us at one point or another.
we all learn from our mistakes
I spanked DS before for the same exact thing, and like yours, it didn't phase him. I know just lay him in bed to kick and scream and whatever he has on is what he falls asleep in...
I don't think anyone will flame you for this--people lose control. No, it's not okay, but it happens to everyone in some form or fashion. Show me someone who never loses it (they would be lying). Tomorrow when you've regained composure, you can apologize--it's a good lesson
I hope this bedtime stuff gets better soon.
No flames from me. You know I've completely lost it with Alex before. I have not spanked, but I certainly did scream at him until my throat was raw. And I've threatened to spank him. Only once, but I felt horrible about even doing that afterwards.
(((hugs))) I'm sorry bedtime is so rough. If he fights putting his pajamas on, why not just leave him naked or in whatever clothes he's already wearing? Can you just walk away? I know myself well enough to know I cannot be in physical contact with Alex when he gets out of control like that because I become enraged and I get grabby, which I hate.
Just try to come up with a game plan so you know what to do if he gets that crazy again. I hope he doesn't.
Alex (11/14/06) and Nate (5/25/10)
"Want what you have, do what you can, be who you are." - Rev. Forrest Church
No flames from me. Have you tried sticker charts? I swear by the one we use for DS. (He's almost 3.5). He gets one sticker for eating his dinner (or at least trying something new), one for getting ready for bed without a tantrum, and one for staying in bed without screaming our names. It's not perfect, but it's worked so much better than what we had before, which was a bunch of trantrums. The first time we did it, he just had to get all three stickers to get a prize. Now I set up the chart so he has to get stickers for 3 days (so 9 stickers) to get a prize. I give him a *little* leeway in it -- i.e. he screams my name once (assuming it's not a legit issue, like he has to use the bathroom or something), and I remind him he won't get a sticker if he doesn't cut it out.
Good luck -- bedtime issues are the WORST.
(((Hugs))). From what you've posted, it seems like part of the issue is that he is overtired. Getting up at 4 AM and not napping sounds like it is taking its toll on him. I know it is hard, but you will really need to put your foot down and tell him at 4 AM, it is not time to get up. Implement "quiet time" and tell him he needs to try to sleep or take a nap. If he doesn't cooperate, start taking things away... no book before bed or nap, no movies/shows during the day, take away a favorite toy, and stick to it. It will surely involve crying, whining, tantrums and lashing out, but if you stick to it and stay in control, it will get better.
If my DS doesn't get 11-12 hours of sleep per night, he is a whiny, uncooperative mess during the day. Naps with him are still iffy, but he knows if I say it's time for nap, he needs to at least try to sleep. I just think it's mostly about being in control. Honestly, you won't get through any of this without tears on his part (and yours!), and it sucks to listen to it, but it sounds like you are at the point where it has to happen to regain some control.
I am sorry you are having such a hard time, and you get no flames here. I have lost it before and felt horrible. Patience is something I work on every day. Good luck and stay strong!
DD Charlotte - 10/2011
This!
There was a night not too long ago that M screamed for nearly 4 hours. She did not fall asleep until 11:30 p.m. It was horrible. I was bawling by the end, DH had locked himself away because he was so close to going postal. It was a freaking nightmare.
Like many have said, don't beat yourself up. I think we've all said or done things we said we would NEVER do as parents. I've eaten a lot of crow and I'm sure I'll eat some more down the road...we still have the teenage years! ;-)
I could have written this post the first time I spanked DD. I said I never would. And the time I did, it was because I was out of control mad. Afterwards, I felt abusive. It was nothing more than a paddle on the bum, but I felt like the only reason I did it was b/c I couldn't deal with my own anger. If that makes any sense. I agree...it's totally ineffective, especially b/c it's usually done in the heat of the moment and nothing works when you're both out of control.
((HUGS))
((HUGS))
Kids drive us to the point of insanity sometimes, that's for sure.
You take my ovaries, I take your yarns.
*** BFP #3 - angel baby at 8w2d - D&C 1.31.14 ***
*** BFP #4 - Chloe Grace, the 'C' to complete our 'A & B' - born Feb 25th, 2015 at 22w2d, lived for 2.5hrs ***
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I'm going to beg to differ based on a lot of the posts you had made prior to that one, but whatever. The back stories are a little different between you and me.
You take my ovaries, I take your yarns.
AND, if I remember correctly, no-one flamed you until you started freaking out about what was pretty decent advice/opinions.
You take my ovaries, I take your yarns.
Not to start dramz (again) either, but the different between Bubbs' post tonight and yours (in the past) is that your posts (like this) were repetitive. You constantly posted about losing yourshit and screaming at your DD. And, unlike Bubbs, you were completely unable to see where you just might be wrong in some of those instances. She's fully owning up to here loss of control. You? Not so much.
Again - not flaming, just trying to point out the difference to you.
Since you've gone ahead and made this about you, I'll just go ahead and say I do not agree with the bolded statement.
Fine, I'm obviously not allowed a point here, not that I was trying to 'win' anything anyway. I just think it's funny that newly posts she withheld a hug & gets lots of 'that wasn't the right thing to do at all', bubbly posts that she hit her kid & gets 'its OK bubbly'. LOL.
*** BFP #3 - angel baby at 8w2d - D&C 1.31.14 ***
*** BFP #4 - Chloe Grace, the 'C' to complete our 'A & B' - born Feb 25th, 2015 at 22w2d, lived for 2.5hrs ***
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I lurve you.
I lurve you.
You just love the drama don't you? I wondered how long it would take.
You take my ovaries, I take your yarns.
If you guys are allowed to bold sentences to disagree with them, I will too. This one is completely wrong. But, of course, you know more about my feelings than I do.
*** BFP #3 - angel baby at 8w2d - D&C 1.31.14 ***
*** BFP #4 - Chloe Grace, the 'C' to complete our 'A & B' - born Feb 25th, 2015 at 22w2d, lived for 2.5hrs ***
<a href="http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Parenting Advice"><img src="http://global.thebump.com/tickers/tt1c7a3f.aspx" alt=" Pregnancy Ticker" border="0" /></a>
Again, totally wrong, I hate it.
*** BFP #3 - angel baby at 8w2d - D&C 1.31.14 ***
*** BFP #4 - Chloe Grace, the 'C' to complete our 'A & B' - born Feb 25th, 2015 at 22w2d, lived for 2.5hrs ***
<a href="http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Parenting Advice"><img src="http://global.thebump.com/tickers/tt1c7a3f.aspx" alt=" Pregnancy Ticker" border="0" /></a>
I TOTALLY lost it on DS tonight. He has been a disaster lately in general, and today he had a truly epic, screaming, insanity of a tantrum I have never seen before while at the aquarium this morning. Truly awful. I held it together through that one, but then we went out to dinner this evening with my FIL who is in town and he did it again - the second we got to our table he was screaming, flailing, hitting me (because he wanted milk and I said "OK, as soon as the waitress comes we will order you some"). He has been having these God awful tantrums 10 times a day for the past few weeks about every.little.thing and I just couldn;t take it anymore - I took him to the car for a timeout and to calm down and I totally yelled at him. I mean, really yelled at him.
I felt awful and still feel awful about it. I apologized to him and he apologized to me (and was fine for the rest of dinner, oddly), but I can't help but feel like the world's worst mom. But, no one is perfect and all we can do is learn as we go. Hugs - I know how you feel.
I love that you referred to your former self in the third person. Anywho - you posted incessantly about screaming at DD, withholding hugs, acting childish towards, DD, wanting to knock her head off, arguing with DD like she was an adult, etc. Plus, you posted about how you were this <> close to ending your marriage over and over again, yet you're still with him and apparently think it's an excellent (and healthy) idea to TTC #2. Awesome, I say.
But you're right. You are far superior and clearly haven't changed.
How mean. I sure hope your marriage never goes through a really rough patch & the following year you're TTC. How mean.
*** BFP #3 - angel baby at 8w2d - D&C 1.31.14 ***
*** BFP #4 - Chloe Grace, the 'C' to complete our 'A & B' - born Feb 25th, 2015 at 22w2d, lived for 2.5hrs ***
<a href="http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Parenting Advice"><img src="http://global.thebump.com/tickers/tt1c7a3f.aspx" alt=" Pregnancy Ticker" border="0" /></a>
You're right. Bringing up the marriage thing was a low blow. However, you were making this about you, so I figured I'd go all out and remind you why you didn't get similar responses, when posting what you believe to be "far less" offenses. You have a ton of baggage, kwim?
However, if things are good with you, DH and DD now, I am glad to hear it. I couldn't care less if you are staying in a sh!tty marriage (or it's improved) and are currently TTC.
Oh please. The only reason why you bothered to respond to my post was to be abitch and start drama.. Way to try to kick a girl when she already feels bad, because unlike you, I can own up to the fact that I was completely, and totally in the wrong.
You're a sad, sad, sad person.
You take my ovaries, I take your yarns.
I was kicked when I felt bad. Karma's a b*tch.
*** BFP #3 - angel baby at 8w2d - D&C 1.31.14 ***
*** BFP #4 - Chloe Grace, the 'C' to complete our 'A & B' - born Feb 25th, 2015 at 22w2d, lived for 2.5hrs ***
<a href="http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Parenting Advice"><img src="http://global.thebump.com/tickers/tt1c7a3f.aspx" alt=" Pregnancy Ticker" border="0" /></a>
You take my ovaries, I take your yarns.
I was almost there the other night with Ethan. My DH was out of town and Ethan was throwing a hissy fit about putting his pj's on...crying, kicking, etc. Told him he lost cartoons and was going to bed. I walked out of the room b/c I really was about to lose it. Once he calmed down I went back to to get him and put him into bed. It was better last night, and tonight, no problems.
I know with our 3 y.o. he does it partly for a reaction. He learned very quickly that my DH just walks away, and he's an angle for Daddy. As much as it sucks, try putting you munchkin somewhere where he can't destroy stuff and walk away. ONLY go back once he's calmed down.
Take a deep breath. You're not alone!
No flames. We have had really good luck with threatening the removal of story time and morning cartoons around bed time.
Spanking never works for my DD when she is over tired and crazy, which is when I want to use it, but don't bother because it is just crazy on crazy. I have found it to be very effective regarding things like running into the street.
I just saw this ... see my post above. No flames here. We can feel like sh*t together. Here's a
and a 
.