Why are some kids so mean?

Mominator

Ugh. I had the kids at Chick Fil A today (flame if you must, it is cold out and they have a play area) and after lunch DS and DD were in the play area. There were these 3 older girls (probably 5-6ish) and my normally very shy DD kept trying to talk to them. They kept ignorring her and then I heard the one girl say "don't talk to her, she's just a baby". I just saw the look on DD's face drop. And then this same girl kept calling DS a "stinky boy" and every time he was in her way she said "move, Trouble". Poor DD and DS, they just wanted to play On a better note, we were at my oldest DS' wrestling match this afternoon and all of the older kids were practically falling over my youngest two trying to get them to play, but of course DD was her normal shy self again. ::sigh::

I know, I know, there is much worse to come in their lives, but I just hated witnessing that girl being rude to my kids for no reason.

femmegem

Isn't that heartbreaking? I've witnessed kids being mean to DS a couple of times now and it never fails to make me sad.

Jodi&Joe

I would have said to the other kids "That's not very nice talk!" 

That is really sad.  Common, but sad! 

oparcm

I deal with that daily (teacher).  I'm sorry that your dc ran into some kids who were really missing a good learning episode.  When I have lunch duty, I have my ears up for any of that kind of stuff going on.

sunshiny79

femmegem:

Isn't that heartbreaking? I've witnessed kids being mean to DS a couple of times now and it never fails to make me sad.

This, I hate when kids are mean.

emilykristene2006

It's happened with DD, too. I so badly want to tell DD, "It's okay. Her mommy did not teach her manners."

Another time these two very annoying little boys were screaming, "POOPY!" in DD's face. They wouldn't stop. I walked up, took her by the hand and said, "Stay away from the poopy brothers."

 

MelandJeff

I would have muttered under my breath to those kids "keep it up, and I will come and find you while you are sleeping"

Temp108743750006959

when I used to be a teacher, I had a talent for making mean kids see their mean ways (just by talking to them and making them feel awful about being a shitstick). 

 

 

Jelliebean1982

Once I've had to step in because these boys were being so mean to DD.  I asked them to point out their mother and then asked then what she would think of how they were acting towards DD.  They told me that they would get in trouble so I told them that now that I knew who their mom was I'd make sure to let her know if they continued to be mean to my kid. 

black.kat

I bought Ani the "woody" doll from toy story and we were in the carter's store and some annoying kid comes right up to her and says - "hey girl, you can't have that, it is a boy toy and my brother has one like that - give it to ME!"  this was in front of his mother... she didn't say a damn thing... so Ani looks at me and I gave her the tools I said, "Ani say to that boy... 'no, this is my toy and I can play with it - Toy Story is for BOYS AND GIRLS.  you can't have it, I won't give it to you, but you can look at it with your eyes."  And she did.  So annoying, I used to teach preschool and I was all about enpowering children to calmly handle situations on their own nicely...  and Ani knows it... she will stand up for herself and in a pretty good way.

I say give your kids the tools to handle those situations and give some OBVIOUS need of parenting for those other kids...

GL... and your poor adorbale children... those girls are damnlucky I wasn't there!!!!!

oparcm

vccake:

when I used to be a teacher, I had a talent for making mean kids see their mean ways (just by talking to them and making them feel awful about being a shitstick). 

 

Yep, I did this today. One nice kid (she's really a decent kid) told a boy that he couldn't sit next to her at lunch.  She told him to move and go away.  I pulled her aside and reminded her that next year when she goes to the middle school, they usually don't end up with any of the kids in the feeder schools (elementary schools that feed into the big middle school) so there is a very good chance the first day at lunch she will most likely not know anyone.  I asked her if she approached a table, would she want someone to talk to her the way she talked to this boy.  Ummm, she got the point. 

gracendantho26

It's very normal behavior for kids that age to say things like that. Usually the parents are around to correct it but I have seen even nice kids use that kind of language. It should be corrected but it's part of growing up and learning right from wrong. But I am sure no parent here would admit that their kid said somethingshitty like that to another kid..or admit that they may have missed it once or twice and therefor didn't get a chance to discipline for it. Because amazingly we have the most perfect kids ever born on this very board.

And yes my kid did call a friend a "loser" 3 times for messing up his puzzle. And that's not the only example of my own kids rude behavior..I could go on. They are a work in progress!

bubu

Ugh, I hate when that happens.  It just kills me and I know I feel worse about it than DD does.  My DD is so sweet, why would you want to be mean to her.  Well for every little stinker there's a really good kid that will play with the younger kids at the playground.

auggiedoggy

gracendantho26:

It's very normal behavior for kids that age to say things like that. Usually the parents are around to correct it but I have seen even nice kids use that kind of language. It should be corrected but it's part of growing up and learning right from wrong. But I am sure no parent here would admit that their kid said somethingshitty like that to another kid..or admit that they may have missed it once or twice and therefor didn't get a chance to discipline for it. Because amazingly we have the most perfect kids ever born on this very board.

And yes my kid did call a friend a "loser" 3 times for messing up his puzzle. And that's not the only example of my own kids rude behavior..I could go on. They are a work in progress!

This is along the lines with what I was thinking.  I've had kids say some not-so-nice things to my 4-year-old .  It stings, and it's really tempting to think of them as "mean kids", but at the same time, my four-year-old frequently says some less-than-pleasant things to her brother, despite the fact that she's a sweet kid and she loves him.  So, I try to keep it in perspective. 

Today, at the play space, my two-year-old DS konked some 3-ish year old boy on the head when the boy got too close and the little boys grandmother yelled at my DS.  I was on my way over to talk to him; she just got there first.   She definitely saw my DS as some "mean little boy", which is too bad. Two-year-olds hit sometimes.  Five-year-olds call smaller kids "baby" sometimes.  It hurts when your the mom in the same way it hurts to see your child hit by a two-year-old, but I do think it's part of the process. 

ivybug

That breaks my heart when that happens.  It's probably not the best thing to do, but when that happens, I always try to give my child a treat as a distraction/ pick me up.  I've been very tempted on occasion (the worst mean kids) to tell DC loudly about the treat so that the mean kids get the hint.  But usually I just take DC aside and quietly ask if they want to go get an ice cream, or whever.

hopefulmom

My youngest DS is pretty average in size and a month ago we were at McDonalds playland (just for something to do...and it's a big one).  There was a girl and boy (brother and sister I think) who came to play after we were there.  They kept trying to out run, out climb, etc. DS but he was keeping up for the most part.  Fortunately, he didn't get frustrated.  When we got ready to leave my DS kept trying to say good-bye to the kid (maybe he was 5-6) and he would completely ignore my DS.  DS is very persistent and basically wouldn't like the kid MOVE until he said good-bye back.  This went on for about 20 seconds until finally the other kid's mom said, "Joe, say good-bye to the little boy!" which he did and my DS was fine.  DS is in preschool and although he is in a 3's class, for lunch and gym time afterwards he is with 4's and 5's...so I'm sure there is some of that going on.  He has just learned to be persistent if he wants something.  Unfortunately, it travels over to home as well!

marchbaby

I hate stuff like that, breaks your heart!  I was at an indoor playground once with my kids and my friend called and asked what I was doing.  My response was "glaring and shooting mean looks at a three year old boy."  Ha, he was being a little snot to my son.  I kept waiting for his parents to step in but they weren't so I resorted to glaring. 

PearlieGirl'sMom

Aww... I'm sorry. It is sad at such a young age, kids already are becoming mean.

praline

auggiedoggy:

gracendantho26:

It's very normal behavior for kids that age to say things like that. Usually the parents are around to correct it but I have seen even nice kids use that kind of language. It should be corrected but it's part of growing up and learning right from wrong. But I am sure no parent here would admit that their kid said somethingshitty like that to another kid..or admit that they may have missed it once or twice and therefor didn't get a chance to discipline for it. Because amazingly we have the most perfect kids ever born on this very board.

And yes my kid did call a friend a "loser" 3 times for messing up his puzzle. And that's not the only example of my own kids rude behavior..I could go on. They are a work in progress!

This is along the lines with what I was thinking.  I've had kids say some not-so-nice things to my 4-year-old .  It stings, and it's really tempting to think of them as "mean kids", but at the same time, my four-year-old frequently says some less-than-pleasant things to her brother, despite the fact that she's a sweet kid and she loves him.  So, I try to keep it in perspective. 

Today, at the play space, my two-year-old DS konked some 3-ish year old boy on the head when the boy got too close and the little boys grandmother yelled at my DS.  I was on my way over to talk to him; she just got there first.   She definitely saw my DS as some "mean little boy", which is too bad. Two-year-olds hit sometimes.  Five-year-olds call smaller kids "baby" sometimes.  It hurts when your the mom in the same way it hurts to see your child hit by a two-year-old, but I do think it's part of the process. 

 

This, all of this.  It's hard to see for sure, but it's developmental.  Hasn't your two or three year old ever pushed/hit/bit anyone?  Pulled the cat's tail?  Kicked you or someone else?  They aren't mean, they are two or three.  They need to be corrected for sure!  But kids don't come out of the womb understanding how and what is appropriate in the adult world and if we expect them to behave like little adults then they won't be able to learn without being labelled mean. 

The same sort of thing has happened to my DD and it's sad BUT my DD pushed her little friend yesterday after a playdate.  Like Grace said...they are works in progress!  (as we all are)

praline

Oh and by the way I love Chick fil'A!