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Multiples
#1_BadgeBunny
member
Feeling guilty :(
#1_BadgeBunny
member
in Multiples
So now that my LOs are awake more and developing so fast i feel like i have neglected DD a bit. DS is so needy he gets bad gas and has reflux and just over all has more emotional needs. DD on the other hand is content sitting under the mobile and i can rock her to sleep in her bouncy. Lately DS has been laughing up a storm and smiling like CRAZY where as DD could live w/o me or DH. She smiles and will giggle at me but not every day for instance she hasnt even cracked a smile today.
I feel like this is my fault!!! i always tell my mom and DH that i feel like a bad parent and how much of a better mom i would be if there was 1 baby. I feel like maybe they arent getting the 1 on 1 learning they deserve. i try to make play time equal but they are different kids and need different things so sometimes play time gets 1 sided (usually on DS side) Im also really worried that bc there is 2 and things just take longer and there is 2 of them and 1 of me that they wont be as smart as other singelton kids.. i know silly but im stressing already!!!
Im just feeling so guilty b/c even my mom mentioned the other day on the phone to me that DD just seems very un emotional (exactly like her father!!) and my mom told me i should spend extra time w/ DD to try and give her that softness she is missing... where as DS is a snuggel bug loves to be held and touched and is a definate mamas boy! I'm trying to spend more time w/ DD but DS reflux has gotten worse and DH just is not good at soothing him. DH is not a very touchy feely sensative guy.. everything is black and white so i'm left to fulfill ALL the LOs emotional needs. I will honest... i told DH today i was worried there was something wrong w/ DD b/c she isnt as emotional as DS... DH told me i was silly and i feel silly thinking that but im im just full of worry and fear that i am a bad parent and im not giving them everything they deserve.
do any of you ever feel like this? should i worry about DD? what would be signs to worry about? Any ideas for getting more 1 on 1 time w/ the LOs?
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Re: Feeling guilty :(
it's not easy, that is for sure! it's not just moms of twins who go through this --- anyone who has more than one child worries about this.... with twins I think you just notice it more b/c you can compare the twins easier b/c they are the same age.
Gray is not that snuggly- when he's super tired he cries MORE if you hold him than if you put him down and pat his legs or just rub his arm... He's a lot more independent - is happier longer on his own than Gibby is... it's just his personality. Some singleton babies are like that- so i don't worry... he's still emotionally connected with me- and does snuggle a bit- just not as much as his brothers.
Ironically, Gray is the one with reflux who gets more attention in some ways because of that.... but he's just not as cuddly.
Gibby loves to snuggle and just sit in your lap. He won't play as long on his own as Gray does... he really likes one-on-one attention, where, Gray will smile at any random stranger - Gibby needs to feel that he knows someone to smile with them.
Griffin is super snuggly- always has been.
they are all just their own person - don't let other people tell you things to make your worry--- your babies are different people. You are doing a good job- they both get love and attention.... if your DD needed more- she'd let you know!
I just wanted to say I sent you a PM.. Your Kids are so cute!
This! They are different people, with different personalities and it is NOTHING to worry about. It is nothing you have done! I have a snuggle bug that is very needy and one that is very content and didn't laugh or smile hardly at all until recently. Now he is all smiles. Just keep doing what you are doing. You are doing a great job!
Yep, as much as twins are twice the fun, there is also twice the guilt. ;-)
Honestly, you give each DC what they need and you have to realize they are two different individuals. I had one higher needs DD and she's my cuddlebug now. Is she more cuddly because she had more attention? I'm guessing it has more to do with her personality then anything else. My other DD was a more laid back baby and therefore got less attention. She's my super-active, more independent girl now. They are just two different people.
I'm guessing if your DD was a singleton and you gave her all the attention in the world, she'd probably be the same baby because that's just who she is. :-)
Oh, and while I had moments of doubt about not being as good a parent as I would be with a singleton, for the most part I think I'm a better parent with two. That's because a lot of the things that would stress me out with one, I just have to let go with two. Plus, I know they have each other and as they get older they love to play together and interact with each other.
***Twin fraternal girls born at 35w6d in 12/2008***
I think all MOM's feel guilty at one time or another over this because we cannot give all our attention to just one LO all the time, so you are not alone in this. I felt the exact same way when my girls were infants. My smaller twin was much more touchy/needy as an infant and she still is now as a toddler. She is just more sensative. Where as her sister (the bigger twin) is a very laid back, independent, "easy" baby. She always has been and I often felt guilty about not giving her as much of my time when she was really small, but I had my hands full with her twin. I was worried that we would not be close and she would not want to cuddle with me because I didn't give her as much 1 on 1 when she was small. They are now 18 months old and let me tell you she is still miss independant, but she wants to cuddle several times a day with me. She was the first one to learn to give a hug when I asked and she often runs up to me throughout the day to give me a hug. I look back on these first 18 months and think wow I am kind of glad she was/is so independant because I don't know how I would have handled 2 of the really touchy/needy hands on baby that my smaller twin is.
My point is even though we cannot always give them the 1 on 1 snuggle time that singleton moms can, does not mean that our LO's won't still be close to us as they get bigger. Your DD will still want your attention and you to be around. Older infants and young toddlers start to learn to explore their environment more as they become more mobile, but they always stick close to mamma or come back to you because you are their lifeline and they know it.
You are doing a great job and you are not going to affect their potential now because you cannot give them each constant 1 on 1. Actually your kids are probably going to learn some concepts earlier than other kids, like waiting/patience, because they have had to wait since they were born. And sharing because they will be learning to share on a 24/7 basis. Most toddlers only practice learning to share or play with others when they are at daycare or playgroups.