Spacing of kids 2-2.5 or 3-3.5 years apart?

terpchic28

My husband and I are debating when to TTC #2. We are trying to decide between a preffered spacing of about 2-2.5 years or 3-3.5 years apart. We have some health related and family reasons for not trying for a spacing of 2.5-3 years apart. So what are your thoughts and experiences? Have then 2-2.5 years apart or 3-3.5 years apart? Thanks!

MrsT1209

I don't have any thoughts on it.  I wanted 2 years apart.  DD is now 2 1/2 and I'm still not pregnant after a year of trying. 

My advice is not to worry about what you want as far as spacing because it may not work out that way.

Graciesue

I'm w/ PP. I wanted kids that were 2-2.5 yrs. apart and we didn't get pg for a year, then I got pg and had a miscarriage. I'm pg now so hopefully I'll kids will be 3.5 yrs. apart. The moral of the story, is you can try for whatever you want, but it doesn't always work out that way.

Good luck.

terpchic28

If we decide to go for a 2-2.5 spacing and it doesn't work out we will wait to try for 3-3.5 spacing. I have endo and so there is definetly a chance I could have some fertility issues. Due to asthma would be best not to be hugely pg during the hot months as hot weather flares my asthma. I had enough trouble with breathing while hugely pg during a mild winter.

gypsywitch

DD#1 is currently 2 yrs 7 months....when the baby is born, if baby is born in her estimated month of April she will be 2yrs 10months...so just 8wks shy of 3yrs old....at first I wanted my kids to be about 2yrs apart, we tried and it didn't work out like that, so now they'll be more like 3 yrs apart, and I think I am even happier with that. DD is just about potty trained, she listens well, she is a little bit independant so I can tell her to go clean her toys in her room and she will, she can pick out her own clothes, sit on the couch by herself and watch a 30min episode of spongebob, she goes to bed and sleeps through the night,I love it. I won't have 2 very dependant children and can focus alot of my attention on caring for our new infant daughter. Not that I'll ignore DD#1, but you know what I mean!!

MrsT1209

gypsywitch:

DD#1 is currently 2 yrs 7 months....when the baby is born, if baby is born in her estimated month of April she will be 2yrs 10months...so just 8wks shy of 3yrs old....at first I wanted my kids to be about 2yrs apart, we tried and it didn't work out like that, so now they'll be more like 3 yrs apart, and I think I am even happier with that. DD is just about potty trained, she listens well, she is a little bit independant so I can tell her to go clean her toys in her room and she will, she can pick out her own clothes, sit on the couch by herself and watch a 30min episode of spongebob, she goes to bed and sleeps through the night,I love it. I won't have 2 very dependant children and can focus alot of my attention on caring for our new infant daughter. Not that I'll ignore DD#1, but you know what I mean!!

I feel the same way now so while TTTC sucks,  it has worked out for the best.  DD is potty trained and at an age where she wants to be very independent and will do her chores like you listed above.  It will be nice to know that I won't have 2 "babies" and just 1. 

ilovemygirls

My kids are almost exactly 2.5 years apart.  DD#1 had a very hard transition- we had LOTS of fits & drama.  But then, she is my drama queen.  She decided to PT literally weeks after the baby was born, so it was a little hard with a baby on my boob, helping her go potty, wipe, wash my hand, give a treat & do a potty sticker on the chart 45x per day

Friends who have had kids at 3-3.5yrs apart say that the big sibling was a good helper, but that there was almost more 'emotion' from them.  After all, 3 is the new 2 you know, so they are much more able to express their emotions in a verbal way and throw some gigantic fits as well.

The bottom line is, whenever you do it, you will figure it out as you go and depending upon the personality of your first child.  It always works itself out!

Alexandra*sMom

Our girls are 26 months apart and they are best friends now.  Taylor will be 28 months when #3 is born, so my vote is 2-2.5 year apart.  We wanted 18-24, but God had other plans.

happy-honey

We are going to be just shy of 3 years.  It seems like a great time for us because have gotten to spend a lot of quality time with DD, but we aren't so far removed from the baby stage that we aren't willing to go back.

juietbride

DS will be 2years and five months old when this little one is born and we are excited.  It means our children will hopefully be great playmates and have each other as they grow older to be friends.  I'll let you know later about the experience after this one is born.  HTH

Pesky

Mine are almost exactly 2 years apart (bdays are 8 days apart -- not great planning there but it's how it happened).  It's really hard in the beginning -- the first year is rough.  But it's nice because they will go through stages together and be close enough in age to bond well, I hope.  Advantage to the 3 yr age gap is you would likely have one potty-trained and only one in diapers.  But like pp said, there's always the chance of secondary IF (God forbid) and given that and my age, we opted not to wait.

punkfiction_v.3

under 2. i wouldn't have it any other way. i think 2.5+ is way too big of spacing.

jillybean222

I think 2-2.5 years is good.  My first 2 are 18 months apart and it is great, but I don't think I would do it that close again.  If/when we have a 3rd, I want more than 2 years but less than 3 years between them.  GL! 

 ETA:  My reasons are more selfish than anything...I go to the gym/run and do things for me several times a week.  DH's schedule is pretty hectic so I rely on family to help out too.  I feel like free babysitting is a lot to ask for with 3 super-young kids...If DD #1 and #2 are a bit older, it won't be as hard to continue asking my parents/IL's to babysit

emas

My kids are 20 months apart.  My OB said that she thought it was easiest if they were either less than 2 years apart or more than 3 years apart, as 2 year olds can tough on the new sibling/new sibling can be tough on them.

jlw2505

Mine are 21 months apart (was hoping for right around 2 years but got very lucky with a BFP the 1st try the second time around).  I love it and it really works for us - I am so thrilled to be pretty much out of all the baby things and my LO is already potty training at 22 months.  My siblings and I (youngest of 4) are all between 2 and 2.5 years apart from each other and I love it.  We are all super close.  We each had time in school with another sibling going through it, my sisters got married 3 months apart from each other and have kids right around the same age, family vacations are wonderful as we all get along, kids vary from 18 years old to my almost 2 year old and it is a blast and everyone gets along.  I loved having my siblings so close in age.  I have a few friends who have chosen to do kids 3+ years apart (some chose and some had issues so it was just how it happened) and they have said that while the older child can be so much help that they have also dealt with a ton of jealousy issues that I never dealt with plus their kids just have totally different intersts which makes doing things as a family harder.  I don't think there is a right or wrong or even better or worse, it is what works best for you and feels right for you but no matter what you want, it all depends on when it happens and no one can control that.

shouldbworkin

#1 and #2 are just under 2 yrs apart.  We are probably going to start TTC #3 soon, so #2 and #3 will be closer to 3-3.5 years apart.  Having them 2 years apart was good and bad.  #1's toddler stage was pretty much a blur, but it was also a pretty good age to be PG.  He was so little and not too mobile when I got PG with #2 and I coudl still keep up with him when I was hugely PG.  He was easy to make happy after #2 arrived.  I could put #2 in a sling and he forgot she was there.  Doubt I will be as lucky this time around and whatever reactions they have are bound to be more troublesome for us (with #2, #1 wasn't PT'd, with #3, both #1 and #2 are, so potty regression would suck), although they will understand more so that will be easier.  What did suck was the lack of sleep. That really did me in with having them so close together.  My kids didn't really sleep well until they were > 2y/o, especially if they were sick.  At 3 y/o, they STTN all the time, even when sick.  So, with two kids so close, I would often have sleepless nights for a week at a time b/c one was sick and just as s/he got better the other got it.  And, ages 1 and 3 at the same time sucked really badly.  Having a 2 and 4 y/o has been much easier!

jen5-03

Mine are 2.5 years apart. I think it's a great spacing. I would have opted to have them slightly closer together, but I knew I was infertile and had to wean DD and wait one cycle.... and then it was the holidays and my cycles just lined up perfectly with Thanksgiving/Christmas, so I couldn't do my IUIs then and waited until January, which is when I got pg.

DD was PT'd long before DS came along so I only have one in diapers, but on the other hand there's no guarantee that even if they are 3yr apart that you won't have 2 in diapers.

I think having them closer together would be easier in terms of finding family activities that were suitable for everyone - the further apart they are the harder it would be.

alchris

My sister and I are 26 months apart and I always thought that was too close.  My (ideal) goal is 35-40 months apart.  Best wishes!!!