need to have a discussion with DH

sarahjared

So I started today-2 days early.  I was sure I was pg.  Apparently that was just wishful thinking.  Now I don't know if I want to have another one.  I have thought this for awhile.  I always imagined having at least 2 kids and I know DH wants another one.  I would love for DD to have a sibling.  However, I just don't know if I can go through it again.  I threw up the ENTIRE pg with DD and had a horrible delivery (4th degree, they messed up sewing me up, surgery 3 months later with a colorectal surgeon, still have occasional issues).  Obviously, I would have to be a c-section.  I worry about recovery while taking care of a 3 yr old.  Not to mention I have really been enjoying my sleep lately and a newborn would knock that out (selfish reason, I know).  Some days I feel like I don't give DD enough attention (exhausted from work, getting stuff done around here, etc) and I don't want to do that to another kid.  I worry about the stress of another child on our marriage.  Also, I am tired of feeling like a "failure" every time I have a negative pg test.

Any advice, encouraging words?  Please no flames.  I'm not asking anyone to make the decision for me.  I just need to get this all out and get my thoughts straight before talking to DH.  I know that he would never "make" me have another one.  However, I know he would like another one. 

Sunflower777

I'm not sure this is advice per se, but just some info for you to help factor into your decision: 

1. I had a c-section w/ no. 2 and recovery/taking care of my almost 3 year old was not bad. Of course this could vary given your circumstances, but I'm just saying it's not a given that it will be terrible. 

2. Having another child will be hard short-term, i.e. being sleep-deprived, trying to coordinate two kids, splitting your attention, etc. however, long-term could bring a lot of joy. As an only child, I have gotten so much joy out of watching my two boys interact and how much they love playing with each other. I am so glad they each have the gift of a sibling. 

That's not to say all your worries aren't valid, just two "positives" to think about in regards to a second child. It's a huge decision if your gut is making you hesitate. Good luck. 

 

DandelionMom

Is this a decision that needs to be made right now?  Maybe you could take a ttc break and rethink in a few months? 

bubu

I pm'd you.

JOEBunny

Honestly, I love my DS and am very glad to have him, but I wish I had waited another year.  He is 10 months and DD is 3.5 and it has been much harder than having one, in large part because we have all been sick a lot and DS does not sleep.

luckyluvr

The only thing I have to offer is that being an only child affects you in many ways. DH is an only child. He has no understanding of what it means to work things out when you disagree. He doesn't understand doing things for a sibling even though they may not be grateful; it's b/c they've been there your whole life. My children will never have aunts or uncles or cousins on his side. He also has no clue about what to expect with kids b/c he's never watched someone else grow up with him. Honestly, I think your reasons are very short-term, too, and it may not even be as bad as your first. Think about the long term, not the beginning.