Invitation List

jodi17

I am having some major concerns making a list of invites.  My mother-in-law is making the list for her side and I do not know how many people are on her list.  I am concerned because I already have 36 people on the list granted 3 of them are throwing the shower.  I am so nervous that I am overinviting but i do not know where to leave people off.  Am I worrying too much or what?  Feeling very uneasy about all of this.  Any suggestions!!!!

DaniLovesPink

IMO, for showers, there are huge etiquette rules.  Since you're really saying, "Please come bring me a gift..."  That being said, firstly, do not invite people who are not within driving distance, I'd say a maximum of one hour, from the shower.  Anything further than that, they most likely won't come and there's not point in making them feel obligated to buy and send a gift to something you knew they wouldn't attend.  Secondly, you should not invite people you are not in close, regular contact with.  As much as it's nice to invite everyone you've ever known, unless you speak with them at least bi-weekly via phone or personal email, I do not think they should be invited.  The only exception to this is family.  Lastly, ask your hostesses how many people they're comfortable with you inviting.  If they're planning a small, intimate affair, you need to make your guests list work with that.  However, if they are planning the baby shower to end all baby showers, it might let them down if you didn't invite a lot of people.  Good luck!

RoxyLynn

You're right - it would be terribly awkward to hand the hostesses a huge list and they'd either a) feel awful about having to ask you to cut it down and feel like they're not giving you the shower you want, or b) make personal sacrifices to afford the shower.

The good news?  This can be easily prevented!  Send them an e-mail like "Jen, Kristen, and Amy - I'm so excited about the shower, and so grateful to have wonderful friends!  I should have the guest list with addresses to you by [date].  How many people are you planning for?"

navybride06

Family or friends are throwing the shower?

We made the list over the weekend, my MIL did that side (family only is 35) My mom's side was 29 and a few of my close friends and DH's coworker's wives that I see regularly = 75 people.  We are expecting some of those to to be able to attend but we don't want to insult anyone so we are still sending invites. 

My mom & MIL are hosting it in a Town House Complex's Party Room, so it will fit all those people and not be too expensive to have.

jodi17

Thanks for all the advice.  Both my mom and three of my friends are throwing the shower.  I just feeel so bad to have these grils putting out their money for me. 

taagent

PP mentioned not inviting people who live farther than an hour away, I would have to stipulate that REALLY depends on your relationship with that person!  My aunt (my godmother) and cousin, sister, stepmother, and best friend all live several states away.  They would all be EXTREMELY hurt if they were not invited even though I know they probably wont be able to attend being so far away.  I was invited to my bf's baby shower and wasn't able to make it given the same distance situation.  I was however, glad that I was invited and sad I couldn't attend.

BarbieNCSU

 

I would have to disagree with the PP that said not to invite people that live over an hour away- this all depends on your family/friend situation. In my family - nearly everyone lives VERY far away (extended family wise)- like over a thousand miles. If I did not send an invitation to them they would feel very hurt - regardless of how far away they are or if they would be able to attend. The same would go for many of my friends that live states away. If this is your only shower than I would make sure I invited everyone regardless of if they are going to be able to come. I would just make sure that your hostesses understand that while you may have a large amount if invites many of the people are out of town. I had this same situation with one of my bridal showers and the ladies hosting completely understood - then last year I threw a baby shower for one of my bridesmaids I think we sent out at least 40+ invites and many were out of town so we only had around 25 people in attendance. In addition there are friends of mine that I only talk to once or twice a month - because lord knows life is so busy. I think these people would also be very upset if they weren't invited. I'm not saying to invite every friend that you've ever made - but don't count someone off the list because you don't talk to them twice a week.

k.martell

DaniLovesPink:

That being said, firstly, do not invite people who are not within driving distance, I'd say a maximum of one hour, from the shower.  Anything further than that, they most likely won't come and there's not point in making them feel obligated to buy and send a gift to something you knew they wouldn't attend. 

I disagree, I'd rather feel like they wanted me there.  I was invited to a cousin's shower in Denver.  She knew I wouldn't be able to make it from CA, but I was happy to know she at least thought of me.

I sent invitations to family that lived out of the state knowing they probably wouldn't make it, but I at least wanted them to know they were invited.  I haven't heard any complaints from them, only that they wished they could make it.

islandgirl79

RoxyLynn:

You're right - it would be terribly awkward to hand the hostesses a huge list and they'd either a) feel awful about having to ask you to cut it down and feel like they're not giving you the shower you want, or b) make personal sacrifices to afford the shower.

The good news?  This can be easily prevented!  Send them an e-mail like "Jen, Kristen, and Amy - I'm so excited about the shower, and so grateful to have wonderful friends!  I should have the guest list with addresses to you by [date].  How many people are you planning for?"

 

I agree with this. If you need to go back to your MIL and have her cut down the list I think that is totally acceptable, especially since you mentioned you don't know some of the people on the list to begin with.

And I don't agree with the poster saying an hour distance is too far.  Most of my family is an hour to three hours away and we still manage to make it to all our family events.