Confession/frustration with myself

isabella22

How long will this guilt last?

I had a m/c last dec.  The day before, I went to my work holiday party.  I was dancing and having fun.  I started cramping a bit, but I had it a lot with DD so I wasn't worried.  I even had a bit of a headache, but drank some more water and it went away.  After that I went out with friends.  I hadn't been out in so long and it was so fun.  The cramping lasted all night, but like I said, I just chalked it up to 'normal' for me.

The next morning I started bleeding. 

I still beat myself up occassionally that if I would have went home and rested, it wouldn't have happened.  I suppose it will just linger for the rest of my life... the doctors all said it didn't matter.  I was only around 4 weeks and a day when it happened...

oparcm

I haven't any answers for you but a hug.

Expecting0207

I'm sorry for your loss.  From what you wrote, it was happening anyway regardless of how active you were.  Also at 4 weeks, the baby is just a tiny clump of cells and your activity (unless maybe you were an Olympian in training) really would not affect the baby.  Sadly the outcome would be the same regardless of what you did that day or in the days prior.  It's not your fault in any way.  It sounds like you have mourned and held yourself responsible and it's time to let go of that and allow yourself to look ahead.

cbidt*sgirl

i am sorry you are having such a hard time.

 

i too had a miscarriage fairly early on.  the night it happened i was at an end of the year school party with ds#1 and dh.  I remember having such a good time watching DS1 play, listening to the music, dancing around with him and feeling all glowy cuz i was pregnant too.   I felt so horrible when i came home and realized i was bleeding.  I felt like such an idiot thining "how can i not have known my baby was bleeding out of me?" 

there is nothing either one of could have done.  i think about it rarely now - i am blessed with two healthy sons and try to think that without that m/c i wouldn't have the ds#2 i have now.

isabella22

cbidt*sgirl:

there is nothing either one of could have done.  i think about it rarely now - i am blessed with two healthy sons and try to think that without that m/c i wouldn't have the ds#2 i have now.

this is what I try to think of too.

Mrs.Tony

I'm sorry : (

I think these things always stay with us. I lost a baby boy at 18 weeks in 2007 and I always think that I shouldn't have used eye drops that were prescribed to me for a corneal abrasion. I know that wasn't what was the cause of my baby having Trisomy 18 but I still have it in my head. Oh, and I got a flu shot too. It's just one of those things that you will always think about I think.

ridesbuttons

It's not your fault.

It's not your fault.

It's not your fault.

It's not your fault.

It's not your fault.

((hugs))

MelandJeff

What ridesbuttons said.

it is not your fault. 

((hugs))

melmax

Expecting0207:

I'm sorry for your loss.  From what you wrote, it was happening anyway regardless of how active you were.  Also at 4 weeks, the baby is just a tiny clump of cells and your activity (unless maybe you were an Olympian in training) really would not affect the baby.  Sadly the outcome would be the same regardless of what you did that day or in the days prior.  It's not your fault in any way.  It sounds like you have mourned and held yourself responsible and it's time to let go of that and allow yourself to look ahead.

Couldn't have said it any better. Hugs.