Am I being unreasonable?

august06mom

I get that when you have a kid in daycare, you often have to concede little things. I've never had a problem with that before, but today things really riled me.

 DS is 3.5 and he's starting to drop his nap. On the days that he does nap, he won't go to sleep until 10:00 or 10:30, and he still wakes up at 5:30-6:00. On the days he doesn't nap, he goes to bed about 8:00 and wakes up about 6:30 - 7:00.

A 10:30 bedtime is too late in my opinion. Hell, it's about 30 minutes after I plan to go to bed each night, and I'd like to have an hour to myself to unwind. For a while we were putting him down at 9:00, but now he yells and screams until at least 10:00 -- he's just not tired.

I talked to his teachers at daycare today, and I told them I really didn't want him napping anymore. I explained the situation, and they weren't too happy about it. They said that some of the kids don't nap, but they all have to lie there for at least 10 minutes while the kids who do nap fall asleep. Then the non-nappers get taken to another room. That's fine -- I have no problem with that.

My problem is that they want to let him nap if he seems to "need it." My thinking is that, yeah, he's going to be tired for a day or two when he doesn't get his nap, but he should make up for it at night. Otherwise we're stuck in this crappy cycle of him sleeping too much during the day. The teacher wasn't happy about that, she seemed to think she should get to make the call if he needed a nap or not.

I know this is really long for a silly topic, but it has me a bit ticked, and I want to talk to them about this afternoon in a reasonable manner. I also quit smoking (again!) this week, so everything in the world ticks me off.

So ... am I being unreasonable? I still get to make the call about my kid and his naps, no?

Rebekah1021

I don't think you are at all. Your kid. Your call.

FWIW - My DD hasn't napped in a long while and on the days she does, it awful and I hate it.

crazynervous

nope they need to respect your wishes.

Skruffy

my dd goes to an in-home daycare where I totally get to call the shots so I might not be the best advice giver, but I definitely think you are the one in charge here. I'm sure she wants them all to nap so that she can get a break in the day but it really is up to you. If you say no nap, there should be no nap. Though if they all have to lie down for 10 minutes and if he falls asleep in that 10 minutes, I don't know that she should have to wake him up.

ready2go

is it a center?  b/c we had this same issue and I was told they HAD to have quiet time by law (??)...so if dd fell asleep during that quiet time, there wasn't much that could be done.  The teachers could not MAKE her stay awake.

I totally get your frustration.  It's a viscious cycle that we've been going through for literally a year.  Late to bed = needs a nap = late to bed again. 

mauceddie

I asked at our daycare. They require naps for kids under 4yo. Same drill, they have them lie down  or nap for a minimum of 30 mins.

EliseB0323

I think if a kid falls asleep at nap time he needs a nap. Yes, it's easier on YOU if he goes to bed earlier, but I'm a big believer in letting kids find their natural sleep habits (within reason). If he's happy going to bed later and still able to get up on time, I don't see the problem.

mattslady

Eh.  She wants him to nap so she can get a break (and possibly a more agreeable 3 year old) and you don't want him to nap so you can get a break.  Who wins?  I don't know. 

However, if he's not sleepy, then what is the harm in letting him lay down and rest for awhile?  If he falls asleep then maybe he did need the nap.  Its not like she wants to give him a qualude or something, just let him lay down and rest. 

august06mom

EliseB0323:

I think if a kid falls asleep at nap time he needs a nap. Yes, it's easier on YOU if he goes to bed earlier, but I'm a big believer in letting kids find their natural sleep habits (within reason). If he's happy going to bed later and still able to get up on time, I don't see the problem.

Normally I'd agree with you, but I don't think 7 hours of sleep at night (10:30 p.m. to 5:30 a.m.) is enough for a 3 year old. I know it's sure as hell not enough for me.

npeacock

At our center, the parent calls the shots. How long does he nap at school? I get having him lay down while the other kids who do nap fall asleep, but maybe you could talk to them about limiting the length of his nap. Say to 45 minutes. There are several parents in DS's class who tell them to wake their child after a certain amount of time.

mattslady

You get MORE than 7 hours of sleep at night?  Maybe I want your life...

august06mom

npeacock:

At our center, the parent calls the shots. How long does he nap at school? I get having him lay down while the other kids who do nap fall asleep, but maybe you could talk to them about limiting the length of his nap. Say to 45 minutes. There are several parents in DS's class who tell them to wake their child after a certain amount of time.

Nap time at our center is about 90 minutes, although they'll let the kids sleep up to 2 hours (or longer if they're younger). I don't care if he rests for a little while, but I think a 90 minute nap is too much.

august06mom

mattslady:

You get MORE than 7 hours of sleep at night?  Maybe I want your life...

I didn't say I did; I just said I need more than 7 hours. But when DS cooperates, I get about 8 hours. I go to sleep at 10:00 and wake up at 6:00. I work from home, so I have no commute -- that's probably why I can do this.

npeacock

august06mom:

 90 minutes, although they'll let the kids sleep up to 2 hours (or longer if they're younger). I don't care if he rests for a little while, but I think a 90 minute nap is too much.

OK - A 90 minute nap time is reasonable at age 3, and that's what it is at our center. What the teachers do for us is have the kids do quiet time in the darkened room so that those who nap can, and those who don't read books while on their cots. My DS goes about 2 hours each day at school, but there are kids who don't take any or just nap for part of the time. They just stay in the same room doing quiet activities. I would talk to them about shortening his nap to a length that works for you.

mauceddie

august06mom:

mattslady:

You get MORE than 7 hours of sleep at night?  Maybe I want your life...

I didn't say I did; I just said I need more than 7 hours. But when DS cooperates, I get about 8 hours. I go to sleep at 10:00 and wake up at 6:00. I work from home, so I have no commute -- that's probably why I can do this.

They will wake them up after 30 mins at my centre, but 30 mins is the requirement for them to be lying down. We tried that with my DD but she did NOT take kindly to being woken up, so we just let her nap and have a late bedtime until she turned 4.