What does PPD?PPA feel like?

Basil27

what goes through your head? and what made you know it was time to see the doctor?

Ncaminiti

i put my stuff a few post down. but the big thing was just the crying, and when DH was telling me how I'm always flipping on what I want him to do with DS. If i'm in the shower and he's hungry should I get you or just give him a bottle, no matter what I told him he was wrong. The big set of for me was going back to work last monday.

TommysGirl56

The one pervasive thought in my head was always "having the baby was a mistake".  As soon as I said it out loud, to my mom, she urged me to get to the doctor.  She said I should not have to feel that way, and that is true.  Alannah is absolutely in no way a mistake.  I love her dearly and it hurts me to say I could even think that about her.  With treatment, I have stopped having to feel that way.

The idea that DD was a mistake stemmed from being so overwhelmed by everything else in my life.  This is what PPD felt like to me: unable to keep up with the daily chores in my life, feeling anxious about having to leave Alannah with my parents so that I could go to work, extreme fatigue (I would come home from work and crash at 5pm), guilt over not spending time with my daughter because I was spending so much time sleeping and crying, feeling sorry for myself, irritability with DH and my dog, lashing out at them for no reason, and knowing that it was irrational but being unable to stop myself.  At times the sadness seemed to swell inside of me and grow so large that I hurt physically.  It seemed like it would get to be so much that I couldn't help but to let it pour out, in the form of yelling at others for no reason, and wanting to hurt myself at times, too.  I also felt helpless, but the idea of acceping help made me feel guilty, so I refused to allow people to do things for me.  I just wanted to shut down completely.

Now that I have seen the doctor, I am on Zoloft, Vitamin D supplements and Vitamin B12 injections.  I have an appointment with a psychologist coming up.  I am trying to exercise daily.  These feelings and thoughts I had still emerge, but to a lesser degree, and less frequently.  I am having an easier time managing life.

If you are considering seeing a doctor for symptoms of PPD or PPA...I say do it!  The best thing you can do for yourself and LO is start getting better.  Good luck to you!

Basil27

thanks so much ladies..I have been having a hard time since I had the baby and I have real bad anxiety and at first it was towards the baby like something was going to happen to him but then I had to have my wisdom teeth out due to an infection in my mouth and now all I can think about it that I am going to die some how that there is something wrong with me. small things like my hand shaking when I am nervous is a brain tumor not just a result of me being scared. or if I get a stomach ache it is stomach cancer not the chinese food that I ate the night before. I feel so overwelhmed I am shaking as I write this I just dont know if I am going crazy or what I love my baby and I would never hurt him or regret having him but I just feel sad that I am stuck at home all day just waiting for someone to talk to. I have called the doctor and all he said was to talk to a someone and my ob said to call my doctor... I just feel alone...

meshl

Basil27:

I feel so overwelhmed I am shaking as I write this I just dont know if I am going crazy or what I love my baby and I would never hurt him or regret having him but I just feel sad that I am stuck at home all day just waiting for someone to talk to. I have called the doctor and all he said was to talk to a someone and my ob said to call my doctor... I just feel alone...

Aw, sounds like you have some crappy drs.  Have you looked into joining any mom groups in the area or PPD support groups.  The hospital I delivered at has a PPD support group and not only has it been a help for that but the girls in it are great and we do stuff together outside the group all the time now.  Search for mom's groups online or call your dr. or hospital.  Good luck!  Remember, there's always internet friends!  : )

SarahGroves11

I've only had my baby a little over a week and I just had to go to my doctor for some help. Even starting in the hospital I would shake, vomit, and I completely lost my appetite. I would cry for no reason and couldn't sleep even when tired. I am trying to adjust to the baby. I love him so much but I just couldn't relax. I went to my doctor and he's having me try zoloft for a few weeks to see if it helps. So far, so good but my husband is heading back to work tomorrow night and after a c-section I feel stuck in bed with LO all the time. So.. that will be the real test.

sweetpea18

I felt like I was going crazy.  I would cry at the drop of a hat (and I'm so not a crier).  I wanted help with the baby, but no one could take care of her like I could.  I felt like I couldn't take care of her. 

DD was a preemie, so I was stuck in the house with her for 8 weeks.  I couldn't take her out because she was born during rsv season.  Add a scary l&d to the mix and I was a mess.