Serious question - alcoholic family member

KoriBrett

FIL is a functioning alcoholic who is in total denial.  He's been drinking since he went to vietnam at 17/18.  He's 62ish.  He still works, won't drink til he gets home, etc.  But he drinks until he passes out so he can sleep.  Like, a 5th of whiskey every day & a half plus a few beers, sometimes wine, and some smirnoff twist or whatever. 

He is now falling down a lot.  He lives alone.  In the past 5 weeks he's fallen 4 times that I know of, once he blacked out and now there's a hole in the wall where his HEAD went through it........

Is there a damned thing we can do ???

JOEBunny

Not other than tell him your concerns and ask him to talk to a doctor.  I do personally know a number (4 I can think of right now) of similar alcoholics who have quit completely or seriously cut back at that age though. 

VandRicky

you can Baker Act someone who you think is a harm to others or themselves. It's really easy to do but they wouldn't be able to keep him longer then 72 hours without him willing to get treatement.

EliseB0323

Probably not.  Unless your FIL WANTS to do something about his drinking, nothing you do will work.

My husband is an alcoholic who has not had a drink in more than 20 years. His three brothers all died from alcohol related stuff, and nothing anyone did to help did any good. It's a horrible disease, and I am thankful every day that my husband was able to get help and stay sober.

mamarazzi

Sounds EXACTLY like my dad.  I wish there was something you could do, but unless he can admit he has a problem/needs help, there's not much.

minnasmommy

VandRicky:

you can Baker Act someone who you think is a harm to others or themselves. It's really easy to do but they wouldn't be able to keep him longer then 72 hours without him willing to get treatement.

Baker Acting is like our commitments in NJ (which I what I did for 10 years after grad school).  you cannot commit someone (at least in NJ) b.c of a substance abuse problem, even if they are a danger to themselves solely b.c of their addiction.

sorry you are going through this. have you voiced your concerns to him. also--is there a board of special services or senior services in your state? they may have some advice. each state is soooo different.   you may want to have a competency eval done. that might help you with getting him services but it opens up a whole new can of worms if he's deemed incompetent.  (although with him functioning and going to work it doesn't sound like that's the case.) 

sorry, Kori.  

 

karen6784

EliseB0323:

Probably not.  Unless your FIL WANTS to do something about his drinking, nothing you do will work.

 

This.  My Dad was an alcoholic from before I was born till I turned 16.  Untill he hit his bottom, there was nothing that anyone can do.  I am sorry you are dealing w/ this.  I know how much this sucks ((hugs))

Dcubed

Both my parents didn't stop drinking until it became a health issue.  My dad's doctor basically said you will die within the year if you don't stop.  It is the only thing that gave him enough motivation to quit and he has been sober like 10 years (he is 75 now).  He started drinking when he was probably like 16 or something and he just quit.  No meetings or rehab or anything.  Like some of the others said he has to want to change.  My mom was in and out of rehabs numerous times but kept going back to drinking. The only reason she would go in would be a court order or someone told her she had to because of her kids.  I think the doctor told her things weren't looking good for her health wise but it wasn't like my dad.  She most likely stopped because a combination of the doctor and she wanted to.  Good luck and hopefully it doesn't get to the point of his health making him quit.

suzymarie

My g'pa is like this.  No heads through wall, but he starts every night with a martini (or 3) and finishes it off with wine.

He gets loud, belligerent and sometimes physically unstable. 

The only thing that has helped is my g'ma dying (they drank together) and him getting a new girlfriend who is a recovering/recovered alcoholic, so he watches his intake around her.

But underneath, he is still an alcoholic.  It sucks, but tehre is really nothing we can do, as he is only a harm to himself, and he is definitely fully mentally capable.